Summer Blues

I know that it's been a long time since I posted. To be honest, like many of you, I am in a bit of a funk. Partly it's simply 2020. The other part has been that there has been a regression in Carmen's behaviour. I wasn't feeling up to writing about it because you will all think I suck. But what's the point of a blog if I can't be honest? So here goes.

She's been quite difficult to ride and we've had a few 'come to jesus' moments.

It's not been fun.

As always, with horses it's a struggle to figure out if something is physical or behavioural. I began her on ulcer meds but it really didn't seem to make a difference.

I won't bore you with details of all my rides. Roughly they consist of good moments with bits that are total shit shows: retracted neck, tight body often followed by a spin and bolt.  Or balking with threats to run backwards or go up. Note: Carmen has never reared on me. She has felt light in front and I've reached forward and bopped her on her poll which put the end to that.

After a particularly frustrating ride I was pretty bummed. I did some deep thinking and I realized that I was giving Carmen power over my emotions. I wouldn't let anyone else dictate my feelings in that way. I knew that I couldn't let that continue or else we would continue in our downward spiral. Also, there has also been lots of good things in our training and I can't just focus on the negative (which is totally against my goals).

I took a step back and began to spend some time grooming her. She responded well to that so there may be a bit of pressure related. It is possible that I was focussing too much on work and not enough on relationship stuff.

the weather is getting warm so I braid her mane to help keep her cool

Shanea wanted me to try lunging her in side reins. I had been resistant because it's easy to teach a horse to lean. But what she wanted to do was to get Carmen to learn to reach for the bit without a person on her back. I tried it during a lesson so that Shanea could help me. What we realized was that as soon as the side reins went on Carmen became tight and defensive. Which makes me wonder if she had them in the past. However, we kept them quite long and with some work she began to reach for the bit.

in side reins- see the umbrella? Shanea brought it for sun shade
and it caused a kerfuffle. So we did some work with it. 

within 5 minutes she went from bolting to being bored with the whole thing.
That is one thing I know how to do with her. 

The lesson was useful because Shanea was able to see the groundwork I do and how calm Carmen is before I get on. At a spot that was perfectly fine on the ground she flatly refused to go by. I had to get quite harsh with her - pressure on until I felt her think forward and then take it off.

I tried it again today and she started the same. This time I loosened the side reins even more and she began to stretch and reach for the bit. It got me wondering if Carmen really has a good understanding of contact. Which is stupid to be wondering at this point in her training I realize but hey, better late than never.

My ride today was also really good. She had one bobble at the same spot as yesterday but i gave her a squeeze and a tap and she went forward and that was the end of it. The ride was really good and every time she retracted her neck I kept the reins out there and put my leg on (or gave her a kick) to send her to the bit. My defence mechanisms tend to kick in when she gets tight because I'm anticipating a bolt and want to stop it. One day I might be over that tendency.

it was so hot yesterday. But I love this movement- she's so light in front (in a good way)

I still don't know if we're getting through this bobble or it's just a temporary truce. But I feel better about things. To quote John Legend:

"What's going on in that beautiful mind?

I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me
But I'll be alright

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy, and I'm out of my mind

How's your summer going?

Technicalities: Virtual Lesson #2

I arranged to have a second lesson on Sunday- this time over Zoom instead of Facetime. I was hoping I could use Zoom to record the lesson. It did record but it did not work the way I wanted- the quality was really poor and every time Shanea spoke it switched to her so I have no media.

instead of my ride here's a photo of a mare feeling fresh. 

The weather Sunday was glorious- sunny and warm and everything seemed to be sparkling. Carmen was really mellow so I knew it was going to be a good ride. And it was. There was one spot that was causing her concern but nothing too serious.

The focus of the lesson was to get her using her hind end to push and not just drag it along like a cart. (No Carmen, I am not saying that you are a cart horse. Sorry, no need to be offended! Although I will point out that pulling carts is a noble endeavour.....). 

I was impressed with how soft she was in the bridle and how she was reaching forward. Which was also hilarious because Shanea's main criticism was that she was too long and loose and not 'up' enough (oh the irony!). Frankly I will take it and was not too worried. I've worked really hard to get her to soften and relax so I am totally okay with her being too far in that direction.

When Carmen would drop her back and disconnect I was to use a 10 metre circle to get her rebalanced and then carry on. That helped and it really helped me to feel the difference between a connected and disconnected Carmen. The difference of her back coming  up and her stepping under and her, well, not was striking. I do love working on these technical details: how much rein, leg, seat do I need? I have dug out my spurs again. Not to get forward but Carmen has a habit of coming against my leg and ignoring my request to bend when she needs to look out at something. The little spur helps me to increase the pressure to help her yield. Because I don't need to use so much leg I can stay more balanced and not tighten my seat.

Carmen's opinion about spurs.....

We also worked on walk-canter-walk transitions. In the walk to canter I had to make sure she was stepping under and then ask. When I did that I could really feel her whither lift into the transitions. When I didn't do that the transition was flat and on the forehand.  

Canter-walk is more tricky for us. Carmen tends to fall through the downward one and lean on my hand. Turns out that this is a little bit of a balance thing and a lot of my fault thing. Turns out that when she drops to trot and leans on the reins I drop them and this causes her to fall. I need to use half-halts and my seat to balance. We had some really really nice transition on the left rein but really struggled on the right. She was getting a bit tired and grumpy about it. We gave her a break and then worked through it. I worked through many transitions focussing on being not-frazzled and just quietly balancing her and not dropping the rein when I finally felt her begin to understand the ask. We finished with a couple nice ones and let it end there. 

It was such a fun lesson- working on the small details that we need to have solidified for a good second level test. I'm sure that we both had sore cores after that but it was worth it. 

Comparing Facetime to Zoom I have to say that FaceTime worked a lot better. If we need to do another virtual lesson we will use FaceTime. Restrictions are starting to lift so I hope that we won't have to. It's very easy for Shanea to come here and teach and maintain social distance. Fingers crossed that we can do that soon. 

I have to show one more photo. After my lesson I gave Carmen a quick hose off and was letting her graze. Irish clearly was enjoying the sunshine.

I swear he was snoring

Up and Down

Spring in Nova Scotia is always a fickle thing. So far this week we've had rain, snow, sun and wind. It's been cold, warm, and everything in between. It makes any consistent riding darn near impossible. Which makes having no real plans at this point a good thing- I can go with the flow and not feel any stress.

it is pretty when the sun shines though

My vet had recommended that I try adding in a vitamin for Carmen because she wasn't sure that she was getting enough with what I was feeding her of the Fibre Nuggets. I can't give Carmen the recommended amount because she will blow up like a balloon. Her recommendation was to add a little over the months to her feed when I am training and to drop her to just hay and the ration over the winter. I tried to estimate what would be a good balance for Carmen and began to add it. Within 3 days her energy level was over the top. Last sunday we had a stressful ride and were falling into our old habits of arguing.  I decided to cut the amount of vitamin in half and she became more rational within a day or so. It might be coincidence so we'll see.

last sunday I was able to give the horses the first bath of the season

I did manages to squeeze a few rides in. Most of the time I'm just focussing on getting her to relax her topline and reach for the bit. It is coming. Pole work is helping.

my new favourite pole lay out. It has so many possibilities

My quieter seat, hand and, well, attitude is helping as well. I had proof of that yesterday. The weather was clear but the wind was unreal. A rainstorm was moving in and you could feel it in the air. And yes I still decided to ride. My plan was to at least lunge and go from there. I could see that Carmen was trying super hard with the ground work but she was still super tight. I had the thought that I could help her more from the saddle then the ground. 

I mounted with a plan of just walking and asking her to stretch and breathe. She was super tight and her legs were literally pounding the ground. I gave her some rein, supported when she needed, but never ever pulled or tried to force her. Every try was rewarded with verbal praise, loose rein or rest. We did large and small circles and many changes of direction. I asked her to leg yield to loosen her shoulder and to stretch to loosen her back. When she trotted I let her go and then just asked her to come back to walk. If she had cantered I was going to let her do that too but she never did. The trees were blowing and creaking in the wind, it was wild. Gradually I felt her begin to let go and breathe. Then I felt her back release and we began to move better. I let her feel how good that was for a few minutes, then rested. Then we did a little more and I hopped off. 

my daughter turned 30 this year. I always wanted to buy her a pony but she
didn't want one. But look at this- heels down and everything! 

My goal is to have her end every ride feeling better than when she started. I don't always succeed but today I did. I realized that we had made a jump forward because I was more successful in getting her to relax while riding instead of on the ground. 

During this  Covid-19 pandemic what are you working on (whether riding or not)?

Cool, Calm and Collected

This was a very different Easter weekend than usual - I'm sure that's true for all of you.

the grass is starting to turn green! 

Blogland has become very quiet. And it makes sense- clinics and shows are cancelled. Many are unable to see their horses because barns have closed their doors. That makes sense- it's important that the people working at the barns are safe and able to care for the horses. What is more disturbing is that others are being harassed for continuing to ride. I get it- riding is a risk and do we want more stress on a health system that is already stressed? All that to say that I have made the decision to continue to ride. I am always making careful decisions whether Carmen feels safe and I trust my gut. I'm not trying to justify it- it's just the decision I have made and am comfortable with.

if this doesn't describe 2020 I don't know what does

 And I'm not gonna lie- I worry that others may think that I'm gloating over my good fortune. I know that I'm not and that will have to do. I can't worry about what others think-probably they aren't thinking about me at all.

Without the push of upcoming clinics, lessons and shows I have been going slow. I'm enjoying the lack of pressure- even though I know that the only one putting pressure on me was me. Sigh.

Every spring I start back with Carmen and wait for her to begin to lose her crap over stuff. And this year it's sort of the same. There's breeze, waving grasses and, god forbid, happy, horny, noisy birds flitting about everywhere. But it's also not the same-I have been working on our goal of increasing her confidence (and mine).   And it's working.

spring means shedding and I looked down to see all
 her hair  making little dandelion fluffs. 

Our ground work is aimed at starting her off calm and loose. I start that work from the moment I get her from the pasture. It's cute to see her get tight and as soon as I touch her neck she goes oh right, relax. Phew. Under saddle I ask her to bend and soften and I don't fall into the trap of her worry.

We've been playing with moving her weight back onto her hindquarters and using her core. We've been doing a lot of poles.

A puzzle I set up

Carmen is enjoying these- or I am and it's transferring to her. So whatever. I really liked the above one- it asked her to stretch a bit going the through the square and I could feel her really lifting through it. I also made use of the going between the poles- can I canter across the short diagonal and make a simple change through walk inside of the poles. It really helped me to see that left to right was simple but right to left she required a lot more time to get back to walk.

We have been playing with Travers and Renvers (haunches in/haunches out) and she's doing well with those. Carmen is quite happy to look out of the ring, it's having to be carrying herself in balance that was mind blowing for her. I can feel my half-halts really working on bringing her balance back.

Anyway, I'm hoping to keep picking away at our second level stuff so that when things do resume we're ready. But what is most telling about our work is that, no matter where we start, she always end feeling relaxed and content. Honestly, she is the most mellow horse and you wouldn't recognize it. And it's not from exhaustion because she's barely sweaty.

No she's not exhausted, just mellow,
 also do you notice something? No flash. :)

I love that she has learned to trust that when she feels tight/anxious I give good advice on how to feel better. We have much fewer arguments. Not none, but fewer and less dramatic. Yay for less drama.

Present Tense

Normally I spend winter fretting about not riding and feeling bored.  This year feels different. Not that I'm not anxiously waiting to get back to regular schooling. I totally am.

Not as cold as it looks, but still winter

But I'm also using this time to work on myself and my goal of controlling/choosing my emotions.

I've been diving into videos, reading and podcasts. I'm finding them all very helpful. In the past I think I would have dismissed it as being a bit wack-a-doodle. Not completely, but it made me uncomfortable. I cannot remember who said it (I think it was Stacy Westfal's podcast but can't swear to it) that you can view riding as 'transactional' or 'relational'. And that made a lot of sense to me.

Anyway, one of the things I've been really working on is being 'present'. It's not easy. My mind tends to wander, even in the saddle. I find myself thinking about what happened during the day or what might happen tomorrow.

I have been practising and failing a lot. But I've also been succeeding.

The other thing I've been working on is choosing to be positive with the horses (and others). That is working really well. I find myself truly enjoying the time I spend doing chores. The horses are really responding.

hard to take photos when she wants to be close.
But look at that adorable nose...

The trick is, of course, is whether this translates to work under saddle. In the past I would have worried about it. Now I'm curious. After a deep freeze that left the ring treacherous with ice we had some snow and then a warmer temps. This dissolved the ice under the snow and made the ring good for riding again.

Sunday was warmer and I brought Carmen up to the ring to do some ground work and possibly ride. I stayed with her mentally and she responded really well. It then started to rain but I still mounted. We rode exactly two circles, I dismounted and leaving the reins over her neck I said 'coming?'  and walked to the gate with her ambling behind me. 

Monday was a holiday for us and the weather was even warmer. So warm I pulled the blankets off the horses and let them soak up the sun. 

clearly Carmen is wintering well. But look at Irish- he's looking great. 

Julia came out to ride as well. I started with groundwork but I didn't need long to see that she was right with me. I settled into the saddle and she marched off a bit grumpily. I brought her to a halt and dropped the reins until she settled. My goal for the ride was to have her soft and bendy and for me to stay present in the moment.

While the ride was nothing for anyone to watch, I noticed a few things. First of all, every time my mind wandered she became tense. When I brought my mind back she immediately settled. Our spooks were mere flinches and there was only two. One was her almost halting in response to something she saw in the trees. After the stutter-step, Carmen walked forward to the tree and I dropped the rein. She looked at it warily while I breathed and then she released her breath and dropped her head to relax. 

As we continued to work Carmen began to settle in and enjoy herself. In fact, after a while, when I would soften the rein she would pick up a trot (not that I was holding). Not that she was heavy in the bridle or taking over. More like she was enjoying it and wanted to go. So I let her.

At the end of our ride we were standing at the far end just relaxing on a long rein. Carmen looked towards the woods and I could feel her question.  No,  I said we can't go in the woods, there's still too much ice. She sighed and then reached around and nudged my toe with her nose. Okay then, it must be time for carrots. Feel free to hop off. 


For me those were the big things. The other pieces: leg yields, transitions, circles were the chorus not the main bits. I hope that this doesn't sound too hippy-dippy. Because that is not me.  I was also working on making my seat and hand following,  keeping my balance even and my aids clear. But go ahead and consider me out in left field. I don't care. This feels good to me and Carmen is clearly responding. 

leaving the hay to come and say 'hi'. Also, no, she's not pregnant.....

Knock Knock

I used to feel with Carmen that I was always knocking on her door, trying to get her to let me in. 

Believe it or not, I actually was able to ride twice this week. Friday was warm and everything was thawed. My ring was actually perfect. I tacked Carmen up but she was not so sure about the whole thing because she was without Irish. Irish was really sweet though and stood up by the ring dozing in the sun.

I wasn't sure if I was going to ride but I tacked her up anyway with the plan that just exercising her with lunging would be good regardless. The wind was up and she was pretty wired.  My goal of lunging is to move forward but with relaxation not tension. Carmen is super good at moving forward and being tight. Side rein might bring her down but I haven't found that they help her stretch. Once she spooked and tried to bolt but she won't pull me away (unlike a few years ago). She slammed to a halt but still had energy so she reared up. Kind of like Silver on the lone ranger. I stayed still and simply said 'kinda over dramatic don't you think?' She looked at me and then we went back to work.

Look at my ring. For Jan 31 this is amazing

In lunging I can find the spots that are worrying for her. My goal is to get even the smallest level of relaxation and then we go away. This really helps her confidence and when we return she relaxes more quickly and to a greater extent.  In the past I would be really frustrated by this. Now I shrug and realize that my opinion that she should just be over this is not helpful.

I think I lunged about 20 minutes. I looked at her contemplating mounting. Now even 6 months ago I don't think I would have. While she was more relaxed I could see that she wasn't fully relaxed. But she was tuned in to me. I also realized that I had the tools to deal with her mounted. Which might be a bit arrogant and I realized that I could be wrong.

Turns out I wasn't wrong. Carmen was definitely worried and tight.  But I find that I am really much better about not buying into that tension with my own. I used my core to be in the saddle (not tight and hovering above it by tightening my thighs so that's progress) and gave her rein. She gave a big stutter-stop coming by troll corner and I just said 'oh hi, what's up' and we carried on. Once she froze and I saw a piece of plastic blowing in the wind. I relaxed and let her look, then asked her to go forward. As soon as I felt even the inclination to go forward I took the pressure off. Within a minute we were walking by it on a loose(ish) rein.

For the ride I focussed on being clear with my seat and soft with my hands. I really want her to reach for the bit, not duck behind or try to grab it out of my hands. It feels that we are making progress.

The next day was also nice (not quite as friday but still good). Julia and I rode in the afternoon. This time I decided to not lunge. I love that I'm feeling more confident and that that confidence is not based on physical strength (in the sense of outmuscling her).  When I was adjusting the stirrups and getting organized she had her head low and relaxed. I reached over her neck and started to love on her. She stayed there drinking it in. Honestly, Carmen has never been comfortable with me reaching over her neck like that.

I hopped on and right away she showed me that the bank of snow was a bit worrisome (also close to where the plastic had bene the day before). I repeated my approach and soon it was a non-issue. We had a good schooling session of trotting, leg yields and playing with contact.

highly suspicious snow bank

When she fusses or tightens I explain that bending and softening feels great and she should try it. When she does I praise but if she doesn't I make sure I don't tighten but keep asking. It was a really good ride. We finished with practicing of our back up. Usually she raises her head and goes back stiffly (and crooked). This time she stayed soft in the contact and backed up easily. That's where we stopped. 

We watched Irish and Julia for a bit finishing up. 

they were in the zone

We dismounted and were chatting while a light snow fell around us. I was smiling at Irish because he's looking so good this year. Carmen turned to him and pinned her ears. 

What is that about?  I asked her. Carmen then took three slow steps forward to stand between me and Irish. Then looked pleased with herself. I honestly think she was making sure I don't give him too much attention. 

Carmen: After all, it's all about me. 

Irish: *sigh*

I am so grateful that I signed up for the TRT method. It has given me tools and principles to work through things with Carmen. Now, even when she's worried, I can knock on the door and she will let me in. 

Half-Truths and Other Dangers

"It's always the rider's fault"

"That horse can't be trusted"

"emotions have no place in the saddle"

"just relax and your horse will be fine"

"he doesn't like dressage'

Full Warning: this post is likely going to get a little rambly. 

I have recently discovered podcasts.

I know, I know- I'm old. To be honest I didn't realize that there were horse-themed podcasts out there. Now that I've discovered them a whole new world of learning has opened up. I started with Nikki Porter's Podcast "Take the Reins".  I knew Nikki from the Ultimate Trail clinics. She is branching out into other areas and it's so cool. From these I am finding others. What has been interesting is that a lot of trainers that I admire (Warwick Schiller, Nikki Porter, Johanna Batista, Karen Pyra) talk a lot about the internal state of the person and how it interacts with their horse.

To a certain extent I've always understood this but only on a basic shallow level. As I delve deeper into my riding and being a partner for Carmen I am finding that this is real key for both of us.

oops I've bored the dogs to sleep. Good job on the Farm Security guys! 

Which brings me to the half-truths I am talking about. I think that there is a tendency to reduce things to a very simple, black and white level. 

We blame the rider or the horse. 

And often the truth is much more nuanced than that. We've all seen wonderful horses seem to fall backwards in behaviour with new owners. Or someone else rides our horse and the angels sing. To figure out what is going on we fall to blaming the rider, or that the horse was drugged. 

Carmen: why would you blame me? I'm so innocent

We think that the answer is more: 

-more skills

-more training

-different tack/equipment

And that is not wrong. Which is why it can be dangerous. 

Because a horse and rider is a relationship. Insecurities in a horse can feed the insecurities in a rider and vice versa.  There is this really interesting video of Warwick's. If you don't want to watch it here's a brief summary: In it there's a very anxious horse who is quite keyed up in a new arena. Warwick take the lead rope and does almost nothing. Yet the horse immediately goes 'phew' and relaxes. 

This is when despair can set in because it looks like magic. And we know in our souls that we are not magical. What I do admire about Warwick (and others) is that they are clear to point out that it is not magic. And most point to the work they've done outside of the ring on themselves. 

But that a rider may need more skills (either in the saddle or out of it) or that a horse may need more training with a person with more experience is also not wrong. Your bit/saddle etc may not be comfortable for the horse. 

Irish: You know you really are good at complicating things

Okay, okay Irish. Let me try to simplify it. 

Think of us and our horses as a teeter totter. 

To quote Karen 'it's about the balance'.  Working on one part of the teeter totter won't fix the balance. We need to look at what is causing the imbalance and figure out how to adjust ourselves and the horse. 

What really helped me to think about things this way have been related to my riding lately. I've actually managed to ride more times this January than I have in the past few years. Most of these rides can only be at a walk and, occasionally, some trot. Past me wouldn't have dreamed about taking Carmen out and just walking. I would have had the belief that things would go wrong pretty quickly. But we're not in that place anymore. When I have been riding I've been really thinking about my seat and hands and working on eliminating any tension.  At an easy walk it's easier to locate my tense spots. 

The other day Julia came out and we took the horses up to the ring to ride. I didn't lunge but I did do some light groundwork before swinging a leg over. Carmen expressed some worry about some areas in the ring but I refused to grab the reins (although I did shorten them a few times), made sure my legs/seat were relaxed and carried on. It was going pretty good. We picked up a slow trot and as we we were going around she spooked and spun away from 'Troll corner'. I turned the spin into a circle, walked her to the corner where I dropped the reins and released all pressure (although I did hold my grab strap). 

Carmen stood there for maybe a minute before going 'nope' and turning away to leave. I kept myself soft with a 'no big deal' vibe and asked her to pick up our slow trot again. When we came back to the corner we stopped and I dropped the reins. This time I focussed in on my breathing- making it long and slow (like in yoga). Carmen began to sync her breathing and body tension to mine and then relaxed. We stayed there for a bit, then I picked up the reins and we went back to work. When we came back to this area she dropped to a walk, marched into the corner and stopped. 'this is where we breathe' While this is not what I had planned I went with it. Getting after her for doing what I had asked before would have created confusion.  Our ride carried on and we finished on a good note. 

relaxed after the ride

The big success of the ride was troll corner. I've done similar things to this before and not really had success. What I think helped this time was that I made sure that I was totally relaxed and breathing rather than wait expectantly for her to bolt. Or I've been returning to work with a punitive mind set (okay, if you want to work we work). I've been working on both sides of our equation- teaching her that dropping the reins means she's to chill out and on my own body awareness and beliefs- in myself and in Carmen.  I've been doing a lot of thinking of why Carmen and I do so well on the trail or when I'm wearing a flamenco dress? 

can we see these costumes too many times? I think not! 

I think it's because those are times when I am feeling pure joy. I am having fun and that translates into my posture, breathing and attitude. Carmen is of course affected by this.

Have we conquered troll corner? Probably not. This worked this time because that is what she needed. We'll see about next time.  

In the meantime I'm enjoying listening to the podcasts and thinking about myself. 

Carmen and I may never get to the point where we are in sync enough to do great in the show ring. But you know what? She has taught me so much about myself and forced me to be better- both in skills and in myself. And that feels like a better outcome to me.

2020 Visioning

Two days ago we had so much snow that I had to strap on snowshoes to take the dogs on their walk. Then the temperatures became unseasonably warm and today it's pouring rain.

Irish really enjoyed the snow- 

so did Ripley

and Guiness.
It's hard to believe but this snow is all gone now (3 days later)

I guess it's time to wrote out my goals for this upcoming year. Last year I had a lot of success focussing on the process rather than the outcome that I'm going to do the same this year. It's not an easy thing to develop goals. I will be building on what I did last year and, yet, there is this urge to think of 'new and exciting' goals. I also spent some time really thinking about myself, about Carmen and about what I want from our partnership (honestly, maybe I should do this about my marriage...).

Here are the goals I have set for 2020, with the caveat that I may pivot on some of them if it makes sense.

1. Increase our confidence and trust in one another

A.  Increase Carmen's tolerance and confidence in dealing with the unexpected.

This won't be because I've thrown everything at her and she's shut down- I want her to be engaged and curious. I have seen real growth in this area with her- anything new in the barn requires her full inspection and she is not worried. I'm going to continue to use the TRT Method stuff- it really does help. And there are other things out there.

B. Increase my confidence and trust that Carmen can deal with the unexpected.

Again we're getting there. Doing the groundwork of releasing pressure when she found the answer has translated really well to the under saddle cue of me dropping the reins and letting her stand. It works. When I feel less confident that it will work my hand reaches out and holds the grab strap.

here's an example of me dropping the rein

2. Actively choose my emotion when I'm working with the horses. 

We've all heard the comment that 'emotions have no place when you're in the saddle' (or similar). I have spent a great deal of time squashing my fear or worry or frustration into a little box and sitting on it. 

The problem is that the horses always know when you do that. Animals that evolved to be constantly responding to environmental cues to avoid predators are very aware of not only their surroundings but of the emotions of the herd. You can see it out in the pasture, all are grazing and then when one alerts to something they all do the same (with some variations).  

I have a personal belief that happiness is a choice. This doesn't mean that large events/tragedies will not impact our emotions- of course they do. And I'm not talking about depression. 

I'm talking about the regular day to day emotions. In my day, if I feel grumpy I can find lots of things to justify that emotion. Same with happiness or sadness. I've been working on this in the barn a lot. Every morning I'm working on actively choosing to be cheerful and happy around the horses as opposed to tired, cranky and jonesing for coffee. It's amazing the difference it makes in them- now they check in with me in the morning rather than shutting me out while they eat. I'm so freaking fortunate to have my horses home with me and I need to let that inform my emotions. 

I want to also do that in the saddle. I want to choose to be happy/content rather than scared, worried or frustrated. 

I'm not 100% sure (or even 60%) how I will tackle this or how it will look. But I'm going to try. The little I've been able to do has had a positive impact on our rides so I'm pretty sure that this is the right track. I'm also pretty sure that I will wander off the path a bit too. 

3. Increase Carmen's adjustability
a) within gaits.

This leads to a totally 'product goal' of wanting to show Second Level this year. To really nail it I need to be able to adjust her stride. It's coming. But there's a lot more I can do in this area.

Carmen: isn't it enough that I've adjusted to living in the North? You want more?!

AND

b) In her body: increase her softening and bending. She has a tendency to hold herself tight and straight. It's all related to her mental state of course but it is also a habit.


4. Improve my seat.

I want to be able to have my seat in the saddle and be able to sit these larger gaits that I'm asking of her. I want to be balanced with her so that I don't grip with my thighs.

see- thighs are tight and I'm popping out of the saddle, even if I am balanced

 My goal is to be able to ride a lengthen without being thrown out the saddle. I am going to work on a looser, more following hand. To that end,  I am going to continue to lesson with Shanea. I'm going to do clinics with Johanna and Karen. And other clinics as seem to be appropriate.


5.  Do things that are fun.

Carmen: snow is not fun- see Irish has fallen

I will continue to hack out and meet ups with friends as much as I can. I have also signed up for a one day Working Equitation clinic. I am sure that will be a blast. Jumping lessons for sure! I'm going to see what other things are out there for me to do. 

6. Support horse events by volunteering. 

I have volunteered a lot in the past. Then I withdrew into my farm and have not really given back for a while. I am going to show Carmen this year so volunteering there is likely not going to happen. But I am sure that there are other things I can do. I don't even necessarily mean a show. To be honest, this show is a little vague but I'm going to stick my head up and see what's going on out there that I can add value to. 

I could write about 20 more goals,  I am sure but they will all relate to these ones; so I'm going to leave it at six (well 10 if you count the ones with two parts but don't do that). If I make progress on these I'll be pretty happy. 

Now I just need the winter to be mild and short. 

even if my house does look pretty

Hindsight: Looking Back on 2019

Carmen: what are we looking back at? Can we look for less snow? 

So, yeah, I am late with this. 

But that's okay. Winter is here and so I have more time (theoretically anyway). Last year I decided to focus on Process goals rather than specifics. After targeting these for a year I have to say that I am a fan. Basing goals on principles rather than specific outcomes allowed me the flexibility to target things as they arose without feeling like I was failing. 

I find that reviewing past goals helps me to develop smart goals for the upcoming year. So here's the recap along with some highs and lows of 2019. 

Goals: 

1. Build a foundation of relaxation with Carmen & Myself:   

We made a lot of progress in this. Joining the TRT website has help immeasurably with this. I took these tools with me to shows and clinics and I find that she's more curious at new locations now rather than highly suspicious. 

I also take advantage of toys where we go

 Carmen has learned to look for answers- at least from the ground. When she's tense and I draw her attention to her rigid neck she now drops and relaxes right away. 

Under saddle is still a work in progress. But I have come to realize that this is up to me to control myself, not Carmen.  I find that if she gets tense and starts to unravel simply stopping and dropping the reins allows her to take a breath and regroup. At some point I may be doing this at a clinic and I hope I can explain the why to the clinician. But it works so I will do it as needed. 

Highlights for me occurred when I took her places and people commented on how calm she was (those who hadn't met her before) and those who remarked the change. Sometimes it can feel that progress is minimal. 

actually trying to stretch at the walk at a show. 

2. Create a work flow that makes sense to both of us and is fun. 

I really feel that we have made gains in this as well. This year I have done obstacles, a lot of trail riding and even some jumping. I am working hard on not drilling but to let us have success and then let it go. Carmen is good at letting me know when I'm pushing too hard. 

we jump now. sort of. 

group trail ride

obstacles

3. Manage her diet and gut health-  I started the year with a plan and adjusted as we progressed. I now have a protocol that seems to really work for her. I have not seen any sign of ulcers, upset tummy in a few months (*runs off to knock on wood). What I find is that Carmen has really slowed down her eating. Before it used to seem frantic but now, even in the morning, she's relaxed. 

4. Improve the independence of seat, leg and hand. In addition to working on this when riding and in lessons I also directly targeted this with a Balance Clinic with Karen and two clinics with Johanna. Each time I had a mini breakthroughs in understanding that made a noticeable change in my riding.

Compare now(ish):  

October 2019

 To when I first started riding Carmen:

5. Keep learning: In 2019 I did two 3-day clinics with Johanna, one 3 day clinic with Karen, a 2 day clinic on Trail Obstacles with Nikki and Mike. I am grateful for the wonderful coaches I have found that encourage and help me to gain skills without getting frustrated with me. 

 In addition I audited a judging clinic and too too many lessons to count. It felt like a lot. And I would have even like to do more.  I continue to watch the videos on the TRT website and follow Warwick Schiller on YouTube. 

I will never be done learning. 

6. Spend more time with other horse people. I definitely was more concious of this for the year. I reached out and tried to connect with people at shows and clinics. I really enjoyed the camaraderie. I am fortunate to know so many supportive people- we are all different but joined by our love horses. 

such a fun gang to show with

7. Go to shows and stretch myself.  I planned to do three shows and ended up doing four. All felt like I was stretching myself and Carmen. We had some good rides (here too) and some bad ones. 

8. Teach Carmen to self-manage: rather than it all falling to me about how she feels and reacts, I want to give her the tools to manage herself. You can think of this as increasing her confidence. This means that it's okay if she makes a mistake and for me to help her find the answer rather than give it to her. It's interesting, she is really really trying now to figure things out. She still gets overwhelmed at times but it's so much less than before. 

Carmen: who me? 

Me: yes you

At the end of this year I find that I am not as wary or nervous riding her when she's up. Thanks to the Centered Riding coaching I'm able to keep my seat in the saddle and not tense so much that I pop out. It still happens at times but I can fix it much faster.

This year has had it's highs and lows. The lowest was not about Carmen- it had to do with the barn flooding. Which is probably a good thing. I spent the entire year waiting for the wheels to come off and they never did. Although we had a few flats (way to really push the analogy).  I think that's for a few reasons:

• managing Carmen's gut health
• doing a lot of very consistent ground work
• improving my riding skills

There were so many highlights: being with friends, showing, learning, trail riding. Riding second level. 

The highlight of the year? 

It has to be this: 

I've always wanted to ride to music. I've always wanted to do a Pas de Deux. Being able to do this with Karen and Kalimo made it truly epic. 

no matter what Carmen thinks

Wearing the costume was the icing on the cake. 

PC Amanda Stright

Carmen was a star about the whole thing. I swear she enjoyed the costume and roses in her mane. Finally, here was a show worth caring about. I could not stop laughing throughout. 

2019 was great year for Carmen and I. It wasn't until I started to look back on it that I realize how much fun I truly had. It's so easy to get stuck focusing on what is not great that I lose sight of the gains we made. 

Here's to 2020!