On-Again/ Off-Again

 When I returned from my vacation things were melted and I was excited to get started.  I had a plan for gradually building up the horses' fitness. I am well aware that Carmen is 15 this year (like how?!) and I need to make sure that I don't over stress her joints. Same for Quaid but because he's 5. 

Unfortunately, the weather has been a major obstacle. It's been a cold and wet spring. But I was doing okay, getting enough rides in to feel we were moving forward, even if at a glacial pace. Glacial being the right word because sunny and warm days were very rare. And 'warm' was just by comparison.  I did manage to get a ride in on Saturday April 6 on Quaid and Monday on Carmen.  

Then it snowed. And a fair amount of snow.  It lasted a couple days and then I got sick. Sigh. 

just ugh. 

 By the weekend I was feeling better but the weather rainy.  On one of the rainy days neighbours started to burn some stuff in the yard and it really freaked out the horses. I needed to get Ed to help me with them because they were acting panicked a wild. It was weird because Ed has had a fire and they never reacted. But no one has been on that property for years so I suspect it was the novelty and smoke freaking them out. Quaid stayed agitated for a couple days which might be related to his ride last year where the truck caught fire. 

That meant it was Monday this week before I could even consider riding. The weather was cold and windy but not rain (or snow, ugh) and I was determined to work both of them. I figured that, between the weather, activity next door and a week break,  both would be excited. I dragged the ring and Carmen watched me closely. When I was almost done she found a muddy patch (not hard to find) and had a lovely roll. She shook after and looked at me smugly. 

double ugh. 

 I decided to ride Carmen first with the idea that she'd settle pretty quickly. Turns out I was wrong on that. Despite being out of shape she was lit and was a fire breathing dragon. Not over the neighbours, just life in general. I was pleased that I never got flustered or tight, I just kept riding and we ended on a good note.   I kept my focus on rhythm and bend and didn't buy into her assertions that she couldn't go there or over there or how about here. She was sweaty at the end but, honestly, that was her choice. 

I put her back out (to roll yet again) and got Quaid ready. I tacked him up but was thinking we might just be lunging to help him get over his worries about next door.  But after a few minutes he settled right in to the work. Even when we heard voices from over the field. He looked and then carried on.  I kept the ride short but there was nothing to worry about. 

I rode him again today. This time I rode him a bit longer and he had some feelings about that. And by  feelings I mean a little grumpy and then settled back to work. His trot is nice and forward this year. We actually did our first wee canter of the year. I've been working it on the lunge - getting him to pick it up and drop to trot softly and with little drama. And that was just want our canter depart was. It felt nice and balanced too which wasn't the case last year. 

the best mule

 Later this morning the saddle fitter came out and adjusted his saddle with a bigger gullet. He got a little bored in the cross ties and lifted his front leg to stamp or paw. I looked at him uh-uh I said. He froze with his leg up and then quietly put it back down. I had to laugh. 

I'm so impressed with him this year.  Quaid is going to be 5 the end of May and he's behaving so grown up.  I can imagine how it will go when we can work with some consistency. 

his 'can I have a cookie' face

Musing on Mantras

 Over the winter Jane hosted a series of monthly video meetings with her students. They were a great way to connect and learn, especially for those of us unable to ride in the winter. Surprisingly, a  lot of the sessions were not on riding skills but more on the mental skills that are necessary when you are riding a 1,000 + pounds of prey animal. Jane shared a lot about dealing with fear and a lack of confidence. Not surprisingly, a lot of riders suffer from imposter syndrome or just a general lack of faith in our own abilities. Especially in high pressure situations, like a public clinic or show. 

Carmen was happy to see me (or the hay bag). 
Best not to think about it too much. 

Of course one way to prevent anxiety in these situations is to simply not participate.  I, for one, fully respect anyone's decision to not show. There are a lot of good reasons not to and, to me, it really is a personal choice. I choose to show right now because I get a lot of benefit from it (spoiler, it's not the ribbons that I spent a a few hundred dollars to win either). 

 But I don't want to get onto the show/don't show tangent because that is not the point of this post. Whoops. 

Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh, yes, the sessions with Jane. In one of them she talked about negative self-talk and how destructive it is. We all do it, 'why can't I do X?' "I'm a terrible rider' and 'I don't deserve my horse' etc. 

Funnily enough these thoughts are not helpful. They don't inspire us to to do better, they simply make us frustrated. And, as my friend Tanya says, 'when you're really frustrated you become unteachable.' And none of us want to that. 

here's a truly adorable moment between
Cordelia and Raven to break up the text wall

Jane suggested (strongly) that we all develop personal mantras, or affirmations if you prefer. They were to be short, positive and lead to growth. They were not to be wishy-washy or hopeful. For example, instead of 'I will try to sit the canter' it would be 'I know how to sit the canter'. I don't know if that is the best example but you get the idea. Once we had a few, we were to repeat them everyday. 

To be completely honest (and I try to be in this blog), I was a little sceptical about this making a difference. Okay, maybe more than a little. So I put off doing it. But my thoughts kept coming back to it so I began to work on ones for me. I based them off my biggest worries that I have in riding: that I am not competent and that I am ineffective in redirecting my horse when she (because let's face it, it's mostly Carmen) is dedicated to a behaviour. 

Let me give some examples. At one horse show, years ago, Carmen had a total melt down and I had to scratch mid-test. I was really upset. When I went to pick up my test sheet the person in the office a woman in there said 'you know if you would just be relaxed she would be too'.  It devastated me, even though I knew that this woman had zero idea of what I was dealing with back then. But it hit the core fear I have of being incompetent.  The other one is that Carmen can get pretty wedded to a particular behaviour (like spooking) and even if I could get her by whatever, it was always pretty shitty. Jane would say something like 'bend her' and I would answer ' I'm trying' and nothing changed. Because in my heart I didn't believe I could make a difference. 

honestly, I should have just relaxed here as she bolted
around the ring and it would have been fine.....

After doing some noodling I arrived at three statements: 

1. I am a competent rider

2. I have the skills I need to ride effectively

3. I wear the crown (in other words I get to decide things and not Carmen or Quaid) 

We were to repeat them to ourselves several times a day. 

Full confession- I did not do that. But I did repeat them often. 

And guess what? They worked. When I'm riding and things get a little iffy, like say Carmen acting like she's going to spook in a corner, I tell myself 'I am a competent rider. What would a competent rider do here?' And I do that thing.  And it works. Mostly my advice to me is 'take a feel of the outside rein and put on the inside leg'. Which is pretty basic riding stuff. But then my tension melts and I can be soft and, to my shock, Carmen breathes out and carries on. And, even if she does spook, we recover really quickly. I also use 'what would Jane do? (or WWJD) and that works really well too. 

When Quaid gets a little fussy about going forward I begin to think I'm ruining my baby horse I tell myself that I have the skills I need and I ride forward.  And when either (although it's mostly Carmen right now) begins to get strong and take over I remind myself that there's only one crown and I wear it. 

Quaid or mule. Hard to tell. 

I was surprised at how well they worked. But I'm not going to argue with the success. 

If you had a mantra/personal affirmation what would it be? 

Solid

 On my last post Linda shared her trainers belief that if you leave something solid the horse will pick it right back up after a break. And she's right. I have been able to ride a few times since getting back and it's proving itself to be true. 

My plan with Quaid was to review everything before riding for the first time this year. I told myself to not push and it was okay if it took a couple weeks/ multiple sessions before he felt ready.  It took literally 4 sessions. I probably could have got on during the third session but it was cold and windy and I decided to not. But when I got on it was literally no big deal.  He stood very still and seemed to be saying 'finally'. 

his forelock is out of control

Quaid is going to be 5 this year and I've been seeing some signs of feistiness. I've been expecting some 'you're not the boss of me'.  He got a little resistant earlier this week. When we were walking up to the ring  he kept wanting to graze and got a little pissed off when I wouldn't let him. Then during our ride he protested going past the gate after a bit. Nothing major, just baby horse stuff. Yesterday I was doing groundwork and he was really relaxed so I took off his halter to put on his bridle and he pulled away and started running around the ring playing 'can't catch me' . 

I was annoyed but not. If that makes any sense.  Most of my annoyance was directed at me for not recognising that he wasn't fully engaged in the groundwork. On the other hand I had the sense of 'ah there it is' and I'd much rather deal with this on the ground than in the saddle. After he had careened around and got his sillies out I was able to go up to him and put the halter back on and  we did more ground work.  Then I got on and we went to work. It was our longest session but he was really good under saddle. 

let me break up this wall of text with 
the most adorable photo of Cordelia
and Raven sharing a moment

Quaid has definitely grown and feels more substantial when I'm riding. The stuff that was solid when we stopped is right there and the stuff that wasn't is still wobbly. I need to make sure that I don't keep thinking he's still a baby and treat him like a horse. 

I've been having some really good rides on Carmen too. When we left off last year we were still working on keeping a steady rhythm. Clearly it was not solid and it shows. So I've been focusing on keeping her straight and rhythmical. It's been interesting because while she initially was not a fan of me rating her paces I notice that she relaxes a lot sooner in our rides. 

I have left her largely unblanketed this winter and
she has learned to love the mud. Sigh. 

What I've been really happy with is that, no matter what her mood, I've been riding her the same. We're not hiding from any part of the ring and I'm not worried. It felt like I was much steadier in keeping contact but not holding. I also seemed to be more aware of how she's carrying herself. 

Yesterday I had our first lesson of the year. I decided it would be Carmen and I was excited. It was late afternoon and, while the morning had been sunny and calm, the clouds rolled in and the breeze picked up before our lesson. Carmen is also not a fan of late afternoon rides (neither am I if I'm honest).  All that to say that even last year, this would have guaranteed a spicy ride. Instead she was right with me. Jane had us do this exercise to help her get off the forehand: a turn on the forehand at the walk. We're on the circle and, without stopping, we turn around the forehand and go the other way. At first both Carmen and I were like 'what is this' but I loved how it made me stay very aware of each hand and leg aid and where she was in space. We had some lovely transitions and really good work. Even though it was probably the hardest she's worked since getting back to it she didn't really try anything. Instead she just tried to figure it out and stayed with me. 

Jane commented that I doing really well with my hands and elbows. She also noted that I have much better body control and it's paying off. I also feel that and it feels great. 

It feels like we have a lot more trust in each other these days. 

Such a good girl

I'm Back (and in the Saddle)

 Ed and I just got back from our vacation.  It was a lovely time, with the first part just the two of us in Sedona.  It was a bit cold and we ended up hiking in light snow. Which was kind of hilarious.  Fortunately, it didn't stick around (which is what happened there later in the week). 

the sun came out later

After Sedona we headed south of Phoenix and stayed with Ed's brother and his wife. They were lovely hosts and it was wonderful to spend time with them.  It was an 'easy' vacation with hiking and other activities but not go-go-go. I was able to hike in the desert and enjoy time in the sun.  It's amazing how moving south and to lower elevations makes a difference in temperature. 

After 10 days away we headed home feeling rested and recharged. I was happy to see that, while we were gone, all the snow and ice had disappeared. And even happier to see that my ring was in great shape.  I've been able to work with the horses twice since we arrived home on Thursday. This is the longest time I've spent not riding. Usually I can get a few rides in over the winter. 

Carmen was absolutely filthy. It took a long time to change her colour from mud to yellow tinged with some darker splotches. I didn't mind though. When Carmen first came she hardly ever rolled. I believe that she's feeling happier and confident so comfortable to roll and get muddy (don't burst my bubble). 

I lunged and did groundwork with Carmen first and she was fine but it was clear that she felt a bit tense. I found myself feeling fine about mounting though. So I got on and, while she thought about things, I was able to be calm and clear and she was fine. It was a short workout because we're just starting. 

Me: yay!
Carmen: Oh. this again. 

It felt so good to just settle in the saddle. 

I've done a lot of thought about getting Quaid going again and I decided to review his training before getting back on. Not to take the same amount of time but I want to review his knowledge and not just jump on. Sort of like a back-to-school review.  He really enjoyed the grooming. When I was lunging he got quite excited so we needed to work through that.  But then he was very responsive and when I brought out the mounting block he  was all 'I remember this! and lined right up. I finished up with that. 

Cordelia: horse training is boring

Quaid is definitely filled out over the winter. I think he's just at 15'2. I'd like him to be a bit taller but it doesn't matter. I'm not going to get all hung up that I need a taller horse. 

my handsome baby genius

I gave them Saturday off so I could go to my bootcamp and karate classes. I had already missed when I was away.  Today, Sunday, was another lovely spring day. Carmen was a lot more settled and we had a nice ride. I think that my confidence in my riding is really making a difference. 

After I put her away I felt like I was being watched. I turned around and there was Quaid in the stall looking at me. It's my turn!  I got him ready and we went back to the ring.  He was a lot more settled. I put on his bridle and we worked a little on responding to steering. It was pretty easy to be honest. 

Quaid: this is best way to use the ring

It was a lovely way to get back to work.  I'm hoping to get a lesson next week. Fingers crossed that the weather cooperates. 

Marking the Days

 February continues to be its not-so-charming self. I wonder how many times on this blog I've written "I hate February"? Maybe it could be a drinking game. Lord knows it might help. 

Not the only blogger to share this. 

The last time I rode was New Years eve. It's the longest riding 'draught' I've had due to winter. This year we never got the January thaw that gives the glimmer of hope.  This past week we've had two storms that included significant freezing rain. The last one has Quaid's door locked in ice. So I've been taking him in and out through Carmen's stall.  At least there's enough snow that the paddock is not ice and both are being very sensible. 

On the plus side we could skate or have a curling 
match on my riding ring. 

Between the weather and the news, it's hard to stay positive.  

suddenly we're the enemy. honestly, it's 
a little heartbreaking.

But it's not all doom and gloom.  Cordelia had her first birthday this month. 

she's growing into a beautiful girl 

Cordelia is sweet and smart and loves to just be where the people are.  I can let her be free around the farm and on our walks and she stays close. 

She's the nosiest dog I've ever known. Like whatever you're doing she's got to be right in there.  Ed has been renovating our bathroom. We took out a tub surround and are putting in a soaker tub (yay! I can't wait).  He also raised the floor to be even with the rest and put down flooring. It's going to be great. When he would start a power tool Cordelia wanted to be right there to see what he was doing. 

Just a sec, I need to check this out.

no work, only play

Soon we'll be heading south for our vacation. I'm looking forward to seeing family and hoping that it's just politicians that dislike Canadians. Either way, it might be our last trip to the U.S. for a while. Until the politicians can sort themselves out. I'm looking forward to the warmth. 

Mostly though, I'm counting off the days until things start to thaw and I can start riding again. I've been keeping up with my fitness goals. I'm getting stronger and able to increase the free weights. I can hold a plank for 2 minutes. I'm hoping to get to 3 but we'll see. It also turns out I'm really enjoying the karate class. The instructor has been teaching us the beginner katas (sequences of movements, in case you didn't know. It's all new to me).  Last week he said "don't get in your head and think too much. Just flow with it and it will be easier". Sound familiar? Turns out, once I did that it felt a lot easier. He also apologised for all the repetition of the katas and movements. Me, this is my jam. I'm well used to repeating movements with the aim of improving and learning.  So while I can't ride, I still feel like I'm working towards positive changes in my riding. 

What about you? Are you counting the days until spring (and mud)?  Has winter been bad for you this year or relatively mild? 

Polar Vortex: A Dramatic Short Story

 I make my way across the frozen tundra clutching the chicken waterer to my chest. The hot water feels good on my hands as the air forms ice crystals on the bits of hair sticking out from my toque. 

I wrestle open the frozen lock to the run, carefully placing the waterer down (careful, don't spill it). Along with the feed I sprinkle sunflower seeds in the run to help keep them fed and warm.  I slide open the door to the coop and listen to grumbles inside 'who let the draft in?! Doesn't she know what time it is?'

Turning I make my way across the expanse towards the barn. The air feels like it's peeling the skin off my face. Maybe it is. I slide open the door and turn on the lights. I am greeted by two faces peering at me over the stall doors. 

Good morning! I say, trying for a cheery warmth that I am not really feeling. 

Carmen pins her ears. you're late. She stamps her hoof impatiently. 

Quaid looks at me out of mournful brown eyes. yeah, we almost died. 

Muttering I give them their feed and hay. I check on their water. I then turn out the lights and head back towards the house. As I pass the chickens are grumbling. 

This water is almost frozen. It's definitely cold. 

It's like she doesn't even care. 

Henry: don't worry my lovelies. Look I have found these lovely sunflower seeds just for you. 

Handsome Henry, our HERO!  they chant. 

I enter the house, peel off my layers and wrap my frozen fingers around a warm cup of coffee. 

Cordelia nudges me with her nose. Don't worry I love you. 

And you will feel much warmer when we're out on our walk later.....

Midwinter Quiet

 The ground is frozen and riding is off the table. I used to hate this time frame. It seemed like it was dark when I headed to work and dark coming home. Now that my time is my own it seems easier.   The horses are definitely enjoying the break. 

OMG Carmen living her best life means she's filthy

I've been taking time to bring them in and groom. It's nice to just spend the time with the goal of brushing without the aim of tacking up.  If I take Carmen first Quaid stays out in the field. But when I'm done he's waiting for his turn with the cutest face. I used some Christmas money to purchase a new bridle for him and it fits nicely.  The brow band is a bit blingy so I might use it for shows. 

I've been going to the gym regularly. My goal is to go five days a week doing a mix of cardio, core and strength. Karate so far is a lot of fun. When riding re-starts it will go down but it's good to keep me Right now I've not been able to go because I've come down with a cold. It's irritating the heck out of me and I'm trying to not be whiny.  

When I looked at my tack room with the aim of organising it was a bit overwhelming (so much stuff in one small room!)  so I decided to break it into chunks. I tackled this plastic 3 drawer storage unit. It turns out that I have far more gloves than I realised. Also a whole bunch of singles, but just the left hand (like why?). I was strong and threw those out. Also a variety of bits (anyone want a bit?), every single saddle fitting tracing since the dawn of time, ear bonnets I never wear and other useless bits and bobs that I threw in there thinking that they might come in handy. Spoiler alert- they never come in handy. 

is it wrong that I feel I need some white ones in here? 

In the end the cabinet ended  up being almost empty.  Next up, random pieces of tack stuffed in a rubbermaid tote......

I've been doing a lot of reading which is great. My library app tracks my reading history. In 2022 I read 77 books, 2023 & 2024 I read 137 and 132. So far in 2025 I've read 7 (sitting on the couch hacking up a lung helps).  Two recommendations: When Women were Dragons by Kelly Barnhall and Mrs. Quinn's Rise to Fame by Olivia Ford. Both are touching and well written. 

Lastly, Ed and I have been planning a vacation to Arizona in early March. I'm excited for the warmth and a chance to revisit Sedona. 

Time flies so it will be riding time again soon enough. In the meantime I can choose to chafe against the restrictions or I can use the time to explore other things and take the time to enjoy the quiet. Not sure how I'll do but I'll try. 

Quaid- taking it easy is a good thing