Stepping Up

 With Carmen on rest I was able to transfer all my focus to Quaid.  It's been a while since I've had just one horse to ride so I didn't want to over do it. Well, that's not true, I know I would want to over do it so I needed to make sure I didn't.  

Quaid: I thought I was resting on my laurels? 

What's interesting is how he's responding well to the added pressure.  And by pressure, I don't mean that it's heavy but that I'm (finally) treating him as a grown up horse and expecting him to follow my lead. Since the show I noticed a huge boost in my confidence and it's carrying over into how I'm riding. 

square halt! 

I'm not avoiding things because I worry how he'll respond. It doesn't mean that I'm attacking it either. Instead I try to ask 'what does he need from me right now?' and do that thing.   I can feel that he's noticing the change but he's not upset by it. 

I also was lucky and was able to have two lessons with Jane a few days apart. She came with her horse to practice her freestyle in my ring and I snagged her for an extra lesson.  In both Quaid and I had to most balanced canters we've had.  

He gets a little excited and then starts to anticipate (like every horse on the planet).  I had this aha moment when Jane was saying 'don't ask him to canter now' 

Me: I'm not asking him to do this! 

Jane:  yes but are you telling him what you want him to DO? 

Me:  .....well crap. 

I mean if I expect him to step up I need to make sure that I do the same. 

getting all the pats

The NQR Rabbit Hole: Carmen Update

 I'm sure you're wondering where Carmen is in all this. After all, she also went to the show yet I've been quiet.  That's because things went a little differently than I planned.  

When I last wrote about Carmen she was sound and we were heading to the show. Like I said she's become such a solid horse- loading, settling in and just being easy. After I rode Quaid on Friday I got her ready and we went into the ring. And she felt so good. She was forward but listening and almost too sharp, making me back off more and more until I found the right amount of pressure. Jane was really happy and said that was the best, most rhythmic we've been. 

On Saturday our ride was late afternoon. Our warm up was pretty good and I felt like we were in a good place. I was riding Second level tests 2 & 3. There was a lot to like about both our tests. She was listening and tried really hard. The judge did not think so and we scored in the low 50's for both. I was a bit miffed and confused. Then someone sent me a video of our second test. Carmen was being super good but there was very little push from behind. Which I had noticed when I ride. I'm not going to share the video. But it's not awful just a horse that looked tired.  Even though our warm up was not long or hard. 

I paid for some pro photos

While I do think that the score was a bit harsh I do get where the judge was coming from and I'm not mad. 

The next day I walked Carmen around and she seemed happy. I noticed that she hadn't seemed to have laid down over night which is not like her. When it was time for our warm up I got her ready. I walked her around for a bit and then asked for a trot. 

Uh oh. 

I could feel that she was off right away. I told Jane and I tried to trot again. She was definitely lame. 

fuck. 

I hopped off and went to scratch. I was upset. Not that I had to scratch but that she was lame again. Fortunately, Paula was there to help and she helped strip their stalls so I could get Carmen home. I went all over her and could not find any heat or any swelling. She let me touch everywhere without complaint. 

Monday morning I called the vet and arranged an appointment for her to come and do a full work up. The appointment was Friday. In the meantime I bought some electrolytes because I wondered if she had sweated so much and was muscle sore because of low electrolytes.  Still not sure if she needed them but they are not going to hurt. 

looking good here

In the meantime I gave her some NSAIDS and let her be all week. Friday morning the vet arrived and she took a full history of what was going on. She studied the video of the class and noted what I did: she wasn't really pushing from behind and looked not-lame but not quite right either. She then did an incredibly thorough lameness evaluation.   She used hoof testers and noted sore heels on both fronts- more on her right than left.  She was fine for palpations of her legs. And by fine, I mean Carmen fine which means she was a bit 'wtf are you doing and why? '

After watching me lunge her and walk/trot her on straight lines the vet did some flexion tests. At first it looked like it was her right hind: it was stepping wide and she was less willing to be flexed and trotted unsound on being let go. I am familiar with flexion tests but she did ones I hadn't seen before: she would pick up the hind leg from the opposite side and stretch it under the belly.  When she picked up the left hind and stretched it Carmen relaxed into it and seemed to really enjoy it. 

 When she picked up the right she was tighter. But as soon as I trotted off she was really lame on her right front.   And she stayed lame. 

So with that information the vet did a nerve block of her right front by the fetlock. Carmen was 100% fine with the needles. Although I did get a little side eye "are you seeing this right now? Oh cookies, I guess it's okay".   We then went back to check how she moved and she was sound. Okay, now we identified the right foot it was time for x-rays. 

pretty photo to break up the wall of text

I was sure we were going to need to sedate her for x-rays. The vet thought we should try first. It was hilarious getting Carmen to stand on blocks. I put the first one under her right fore. 

Me: Okay, put your foot right here. 

Carmen: oops, there's something in the way. Let me put it here. 

Me: No, it's fine. I want you to stand on the block. 

Carmen: that can't possibly be right. Here, let me show you. 

Me: I'm serious. Right here. 

Carmen: *sigh* okay but I'm not sure this is a good idea. If I fall I'm holding you responsible. 

After that she stood on blocks with both front feet while the vet took many many shots. 

Here's what they showed: Carmen's angles look great. Her soles are a nice thickness. But there were some arthitic changes in her navicular (maybe) and her pastern joint (definitely). The vet thinks that her off and on again soundness are from her heels being sore and the changes. Her back is also quite sore which is a saddle fit and possibly from trying to compensate for her front being sore. 

FYI she also drew blood to check her thyroid and for Lyme. 

And we have a plan: right now she's not being ridden. Farrier comes this week to put on shoes to support her heels. I have her on a short course of previcox. I was already working on getting her a new saddle so that will proceed. Once that is in place she can start light rides and work up her fitness and to work. 

 Also, Carmen is getting really heavy because she's not been in regular work. I'm adjusting her feed and hay to help her lose some weight until I can get her working again. I'm really hopeful I won't have to go to a grazing muzzle. But I will if I have to.  I'm probably oversharing all this but if it helps someone who's also dealing with things not being right but not clearly wrong it's worth it. Even if it doesn't, writing it out helps me and it's not like I'm ever selling Carmen. 

I"m remarkably calm about all of this. It feels good to have a diagnosis and a plan. I would hate to retire her now that she's become so rideable and a solid partner but I will see where we get to.  The important part is that she feels comfortable and happy. 

I'd hate to give this up, but 
there are worse things

Cadence: Quaid's Show Recap

 I am back from the show and I'm still processing a lot.  I want to start with Quaid's show experience.  We trailered to the show Friday morning. I had everything packed and brought Carmen in to the stall to get ready. Quaid has totally twigged onto the process and decided that he was totally okay without her. 

Quaid: have fun Carmen! I'll take care of things here!
Carmen: wait, what? How is that fair?!

Carmen has also twigged to the process but is much more cooperative (I said what I said).  Not that Quaid was difficult to catch, he just wasn't volunteering. 

Quaid: darn it

The trip was uneventful and both unloaded and went into their stalls without fuss. I had booked times in the ring for both horses. I decided to ride Quaid first. I hand walked him first and then mounted up and rode back in. You may recall the that the show ring is in an old skating arena so it's a very different experience.  I had my show goals in mind and wanted to have a ride that helped establish that we can work in new places without drama. The ride was tense. It was not as hot a mess as last year but it required a lot of work on my part and there were quite a few times he said 'no'.  But I persevered. We were not alone and I struggle with that and I find that it makes me more uncertain on where to go. Partly because I don't want to freak out Quaid and partly because I don't want to interfere with someone else's ride. And I have zero doubts that this transfers to my aids. I finally shook my head and started riding the test we were doing. Once I was focused on that everything improved. 

To be completely honest that night I was not feeling good about the next day. In the morning dread was a hard ball in my stomach. And, sure, I could have scratched. But the only way for us to learn to do the thing is to do the thing. So I sucked it up and tried to put a happy face on. I had decided to warm up an hour before our test because we were just riding the one. It's a simple walk-trot test that takes about 4 minutes. If he was tired that would be fine. 

The good part was that Quaid was 100 times more settled in the barn than he was last year. His stall was perfect because he could see horses in all directions and there was a lot to occupy him. 

Hello! 

Fortunately, Jane was there to help us warm up. And it was awesome. I had my phone and earphone so she can call and give instructions. It made it so nice to hear her just talking quietly in my ear rather than trying to hear her over all the noise.  Her main goal was to manage our chaos. I was to half halt and keep his rhythm but had to make all my aids as quiet and slow as possible. I have a tendency to get abrupt and that, funnily enough, does not help. So Quaid gets brace-y and pulls, I half-halt, nothing happens and I do it harsher. Then he freaks out and I freak out and Jane is holding her head in her hands thinking that it would have been easier to go to med school. Or be a coal miner.  I had to think of it like stretching dough (my analogy), if you pull too fast or hard it tears. If you don't use enough pressure nothing happens. But if you pull gently it stretches and stays elastic. 

And my god it worked. We were able to keep a steady cadence. The more I softened the more he trusted and came back to me. Most of the warm up was at a walk. We trotted the last little bit and there was no slamming of brakes or careening. Was it perfect? Nope. But it was good.  

Then it was time to go in. I went in, walked him around the ring, made sure he saw the judge sitting there (no surprises please) and that I was breathing and still being soft but there.  She rang the bell and we started.  

And guys, it was amazing. Not win all the things amazing. But it was steady and he listened. He asked a few questions and got a little tense at times but did not melt down and I did not panic. I was smiling at the end because it was all coming together. I halted at X and saluted. I was over the moon.  My friends in the audience started clapping and cheering. Then all those emotions that I had tamped down: the pit in my stomach, my worry that I would screw up this wonderful horse, that I would forget how to ride all came out and I started crying. I'm sure the judge thought I lost my mind. I was so happy he gave me his trust and his heart.  Paulina said 'omg you're making me cry too!' and Tanya was all ''I'm not crying, you're crying'.  The steward gave me a tissue and cheered with me (once she learned they were happy tears lol). 

look at those focused ears 

After the judge said to me that he was a lovely horse and you could really see the quality of his trot at the end. The scribe told me 'that's the best I've seen him' because she was there last year. So I think the judge figured out that there was a story there, lol.  Our score was 63.12 and got us a second. But that was not the point. I was really happy. 

The next day I decided to keep the same warm up time. I think that I should have gone with 45 minutes because by the time we hit that point he was kind of over it. But he was still good. Last year he really struggled with being with other horses in the warm up and wanted to fall back on his understanding of herd dynamics and did not trust me when I told him something different (like don't kick the horse that's crowding you). This year he was much more comfortable and that got better over the weekend.  

I brought him out to relax a bit before we went in for our test. We went in and started. A friend took a video of it so here you go: 

He is clearly trying really hard. At around the 2 and half minute mark you will see that he starts to shut down. We just finished the free walk and, as I was picking up the reins, he noticed something and started to spook. Here's the good part, last year that would have been the end and he'd have had a huge melt down,. Instead I took a breath and quietly asked him to go forward. He refused. In the past (like 2 weeks ago lol) I would have gotten more firm and harder and we'd have spiralled. But I didn't.  I just asked again and we went forward. And then we carried on with the rest of the test calmly and quietly. 

This, of course lowered our score. And I probably should be sorry. But honestly, this was the BEST thing that could have happened. Because I rode it in a way that built trust. And, instead of being a huge disaster, it was a blip and we carried on. That was worth a million red ribbons. 

In muy last post I wrote out these goals for Quaid and I at the show: 

My goals for Quaid are:

1. keep his focus on me in the warm up and the ring.

2. ride through any resistances calmly and with clear aids.

3. trot forward and don't try to hold him too much.

4. if things go wrong regroup and keep going,

I'm going with 'nailed it'. 

Enjoying a celebratory roll

There's a lot to unpack from the show but it was definitely a big step forward for us and our partnership. 

The Best Laid Plans

 In a couple days we leave for our first show. As always it seems to come up really fast.  I had signed Carmen up for Second Level tests 2 & 3 and Quaid for Training Level 1. 

This kitten. Can you even? 

Now that Carmen is sound (no I'm not trying to tempt fate, really) we've been ticking along. 

Do I feel as prepared as I would like? No. 

But am I confident that we'll be brilliant. Also no. 

That's okay because Carmen has enough confidence these days for both of us. She has turned into a really solid mount. She’s still sensitive and opinionated but I trust her to keep us safe and she delivers. The other day was really windy. 2 years ago I would not have even tried to ride. Last year I would have thought hard about it. Today I threw a leg on. She was sensitive and opinionated, but listened and tried. She was still convinced that every waving branch was hiding a sabre toothed tiger. We’re standing here at the end and I said “see the trees have not attacked us” and then a leaf blew on her face. 

Carmen: ......

Me: Well except for that one.

Last week I took both horses to Krista's for lessons. It was a good lesson, leaving me feeling tired but happy. We actually managed to get our counter canter circle both ways. For the show my goals for us are:

1. ride an accurate test. I can get a little in my end by times (shocking I know...) and that leads to me overthinking and being late or making last second decisions.

2. maintain flexion. Carmen may be safe but she's still happy to make decisions on our behalf. The first sign that she's about to seize the reins (so to speak) is that she loses inside flexion and then things fall apart.

3. keep my seat in the saddle and no pop out. My sign of tension is that I pop out of the saddle and then I can't properly half-halt.

The highly suspicious trees

I've been sticking to my plan to take Quaid places and get him used to working in new locations. He also came last week for a lesson. This would be our fourth time at Krista's. He loaded and unloaded really calmly and was really relaxed in the barn. But when we got to the ring and I mounted he clearly felt that work was optional and his choice was no. His behaviour to get out of work and some of his 'tantrums' were a bit over the top. He'd go forward and then slam on the brakes. Or go sideways. Or all of it. When he'd charge forward he'd hit the bit and then get really annoyed. The best way I can describe it is that it's like when you first learn to drive a standard and struggle to get the clutch/gas ratio right so the car jerks. It is not fun.

The good piece is that I was not feeling nervous about getting hurt. Instead I was annoyed and determined to ride this out. So I did. But the downside is that we never did canter. I talked to Jane that while I can do lots of canter at home I have not yet successfully cantered him off property. Because of that I dropped us down to Intro B test at the show which is a walk-trot test. One thing Quaid does when he's agitated is gape and play with the bit. It gets turned around and it's really hard to keep the bit steady. I've added in a flash and it seems to be helping. He's a lot less choppy and it going to the bit much easier. I think he's appreciating the steadiness the flash is providing. It's not tight but does help keep the bit more stable and I'm happy with how he's going with it.

Look who showed up for a short visit: Julia! 

Now for the real talk: I am not happy with having to drop down and I'm disappointed that I haven't been able to crack Quaid's resistance in new places. However, I also realise that this is the right call and I am making progress, just not at the speed I want. That's horses. If it was easy everyone would do it, lol.

The next day at home I tacked him up and I was pretty sure he'd still have feelings from the day before. At first he was really good and then he tried some of the same shenanigans but I just stayed still and rode as Jane told me. Last year when he was like this I would have kept things at walk-trot and avoided any 'spooky' areas. This time I just sat up and rode all three gaits, fixing as needed. We ended on a good note. Since then he's been really cooperative.

My goals for Quaid are:

1. keep his focus on me in the warm up and the ring.

2. ride through any resistances calmly and with clear aids.

3. trot forward and don't try to hold him too much.

4. if things go wrong regroup and keep going,

The weekend will be a fun time. I'll get to connect with some people that I only see at these events. Even the weather looks promising. But whatever happens we will adapt.

Steady On

 So I'm sure you all wondering how Carmen is doing. Fear not, gentle reader, I have not forgotten about her.  When I last told you about her, she had been off after fooling around in her paddock. She then recovered and seemed to be fine. I took her to the lesson the same day I took Quaid. 

It was neat when I took her out after Quaid's ride. She seemed quite excited to be taken out. And she was amazing in our lesson. It is really neat to be able to take her out and feel completely safe on her. 

The wind had really picked up and the arena was making lots of noises. Carmen worried a few times but totally trusted me when I said it was fine.  We struggled a bit with the counter canter, she was drop to trot and pick up the other lead. Jane had me bring her back to walk and then ask again. We just kept building towards being balanced on the circle on her 'off' lead. It was a struggle and she felt like she was just trying to tell me that it was wrong and she was going to fix it. 

 Here's a brief clip of our turn on the haunches. I love that she didn't try to barge through. 

It was such a great lesson and she felt perfectly sound.  I rode her that week and she was fine.  Then 2 days later (Friday) I got her ready and she was unsound again.  She was really resistant to weight bearing on her left hind again. This time I called the vet. We talked and we both figured it was her stifle. I made an appointment to bring in her in on Monday for a full exam. In the meantime I was to ice or cold hose her stifle, give her Bute and restrict her turn out. 

Not going to lie, I was really worried. The next morning I iced her leg even though it wasn't swollen or hot and gave her more Bute. But she was 3 legged lame. I told myself not to worry about it until I knew what was going on. I went about my day. 

I came home later in the afternoon and when I brought her in she was walking 100% sound.  I brought her in and picked up her hoof and found a small hole.  Could it be that simple?   I decided to not give her Bute Sunday and see if she was still good. She was and has been 100% ever since. 

What I think is that she's had an abscess brewing off and on since April. I think the running around a few weeks earlier exacerbated it and the Bute knocked it back. It grew again and finally worked its way out. 

At least that's my working theory. If she comes up lame again I will rebook the vet appointment no matter how she seems.  

We head off property again tomorrow for lessons. Our last ones before the show next week. (next week?! how? Why? What have I done? It's fine, everything is fine).  

Carmen: hang on, I've got this

Stability

 How did I get so far behind? Let me see if I can summarise what's going on. 

Let's start with Quaid. On May 17th I took both horses to my friend's , Krista, place.  I wanted to take Quaid off property before we head to a show and it allowed me to have a lesson on both horses.   You may recall that last year Quaid and I fell apart when we tried to work in new places. For example, the clinic at Krista's and the shows.  It really knocked my confidence. 

And then he was really good at the ground work clinic a few weeks ago so I had some positive feelings about it. Both horses loaded easily and we headed out. Fun fact, we ran into a car that was clearly out for a Sunday stroll making the drive there waaaay longer then it should have been. But I had lots of time so it didn't really matter. 

I rode Quaid first and it was a really good lesson. In that he was better than last year and not as good as I had hoped. He was clearly worried and tense. And his go-to when tense is to not want to go forward and object if I make him. 

tight pony is tight

And because he's behind the leg I put on more leg to get him to go forward and he objects even harder.  Jane was having me back off the leg and use my seat for transitions. Do you know how hard it is to not put a leg on a horse that won't go forward? The answer is 'really hard'.  

But Jane didn't care that it was hard, lol and kept getting me to work on it.  She didn't want me to give him an excuse to escalate. Our trot was good by times and horrible by other times. 

Rather than pick it all apart, I was fairly happy with my riding. I wasn't leaning forward and I honestly wasn't nervous. I was not relaxed either, to be honest. I felt a lot more confident in my riding. What I realised with Quaid is that when he gets tense and trots his rhythm falls all apart and he wants to speed up and then jam on the brakes. It feels like stepping on the gas and the brake at the same time. When I try to give him a steady rhythm, he gets pissed off about that and starts to throw his shoulders around and yank the reins. 

At one point I stopped and said to Jane: so when he gets tight and his rhythm goes he starts throwing his shoulders and then I start to lose my balance and flop around and it all goes to shit. 

Jane: 'yes' 

Me: so my question is: what do I fix first? 

Jane: good question, I would fix the rhythm and go from there. 

me talking to Jane as above. Quaid, 'stop holding
my face!' Me: literally not touching the reins buddy

Jane had me do a lot of sitting trot because I could be more stable in the saddle. I was going with him too much and not being the stable centre for him to come to. I had to stabilise my core and my hands no matter what he was doing. 

a good moment

a not-so-good moment but not horrible

It was a hot day and by the end we were both sweaty. But I took that lesson and started doing it at home. I think I've been avoiding letting him get upset at home. Which is not helpful because then we can't practice dealing with it. 

While I have not been deliberately stressing him, I've not been avoiding things that are stressful either. I had what felt like a break through ride where he got upset at something when we were cantering (birds/trees). He fell out of canter and began to do his unrthymical thing. In the past I'd bring him to walk to settle. But this time I kept the trot and just asked him to come to me. He was not happy about that but I just kept riding a steady trot and not letting him speed off or slam on the brakes. And it worked. He came back to me. Then we returned to the canter work.

Since that time we've been working on it. Some rides have zero issues but most have at least one moment where he asks how serious I am. In many ways it reminds me of how Carmen would spook and we'd end up really far away from the original ask. I learned to deal with the spook and then go right back to what I had been asking right before the spook. And it really works.  Quaid's resistances are different but were resulting in the same things- not following up on the original ask.  I've been working on staying steady and stable in the saddle even when it seems that he hates it. Because in the end he does come back to me and feels more confident. 

Things are feeling good in that we're dealing with any issues and going back to work. If that makes any sense to anyone but me.  I am feeling a lot more confident and not worried about my safety, which is key for me to ride with purpose.  And while I sometimes miss the 'every ride is perfect' days, this seems to be more real and providing a better foundation that will stand us well.  

Dealing with the Unexpected

 

First of all the happy update: after giving Carmen 4 days off and 3 days of NSAIDS she seemed to be completely fine. I did some free lunging and she looked good. The next day I rode her to see how she was. 

Me: okay Carmen we're going to have a nice quiet ride. Lots of walk and some gentle trot. 

Carmen: 

She was quite sassy and even managed to sneak in some big dekes/spooks. So I decided that this was a good time to work on getting her to soften and relax even when she wasn't feeling like she wanted to. And we did. 

I have to say that my biggest triumph with Carmen is not that I can ride out her antics or even prevent them. It's that I can get her to the other side of her rage to a place of calm.  

Since then we've returned to normal work and things are going well with her. Mostly.  I'm just happy that her injury was not serious. 

Remember Oliver the kitten who appeared on our doorstep? Well he's settled in quite nicely. But we think he's deaf or severely hearing impaired. He really doesn't react to noises, quiet or loud and sometimes I think we startle him because he didn't hear us coming. Thank heavens we took him in because there's no way he'd have survived outside. I'm glad we found him. He's now officially an indoor kitty. 

nothing like a box

My rides on Quaid are going well. I've been focusing on up and down transitions to make them smoother. They are getting a lot better.  Our trot-canter transitions feel really good. The down ones still need a ton of work. 

closely watching my sand delivery for the ring

I've done work of setting up things that are distractions in the past. But lately the universe is doing it for me. They've started to clean up the property next door. It has involved some heavy equipment and possibly a chain saw. Yesterday I was riding Quaid and we were doing really well.  We were cantering up the long side by the next field when he started throwing his haunches in. 

Hmm. Come back, regroup ask again. This time going down the long side we start going sideways. I bring him back and he starts doing his move of planting his front feet and spinning on them. I immediately start riding a 10 metre circle. On our second circle I see what's going on: a large truck pulling a trailer drives right beside us and over to where the junk is. 

Me: aha! Now I see the issue. 

Quaid: I saved us! Time to abort. 

Last year I might have dismounted and called it a day. I checked my watch and we'd been working for about 40 minutes. But I didn't want him thinking that when the world throws a surprise we can stop and exit. So I returned to work: walk, trot and canter transitions on the circle. I ignored the truck (which was gone now anyway) and I gave him other things to think about instead of 'where did it go and what if it comes back?' 

Once we had a lovely transitions and, more importantly, his focus, I called it quits. I was happy with both of us. I am pleased that I feel more secure on him and less worried about what might happen. And, of course, this makes me ride with confidence and give him confidence as well. 

Tomorrow I take both horses to Krista's for our lessons. I'm pretty sure that it will have some moments for Quaid but that's what it's all about.