dancing horses

dancing horses

Wednesday, November 17, 2021

Change is Hard

 Heads up: this post is going to get a wee bit nerdy (#sorrynotsorry). 

As you know I've been gushing about my lessons lately. Even Ed has noticed (I'm not sure why I ask you always say the same thing: wonderful!). But they are also really hard and I feel like I'm undoing and then learning a lot of new things. 


And it's hard. I've had two lessons in the past two weeks and the focus has been on me, essentially, not giving up until I get a response. I've realized that Carmen and I are in this cycle. I ask, she ignores, I ask more, she ignores more and then I cave. She doesn't always ignore and I don't always give up but when I get no response I do. 

Anyone who understands learning knows what I've taught Carmen: resistance is not futile. 


Carmen's perspective


And of course that all needs to change for us to progress. 

I recently learned this model in my work and I really like it as a way to look at change:


I like it and it seems to describe what is happening for us right now. 

When she gets super tight my reaction is to take my legs off. Jane wants my legs on. And my elbows at my side - not gripping the reins in a hard contact but not letting her pull herself apart either.  It feels like I'm being really really hard. But it doesn't look as awful in the videos and Carmen is responding. 

The ADKAR model from Prosci

In our second lesson, as I was warming up, Carmen decided that down by A was certain death. I could feel her obsessing over it and I knew that that would colour our whole ride- she would have a good chunk of her attention down at A and not on what we were doing. So I decided to head down there and work on it before Jane came.  Normally that works quite well for us. I softly show her that it's all fine and she settles. Not that day though. I could feel her working up to a bolt. So I'm riding as best as I can and Jane arrives and sees what's happening. 


So we spent the entire lesson working on that circle by A. The goal was to get Carmen to respond to half halts by bringing her hind end under and not sprawled out (at least I think that was the goal) and to reach to contact so she could follow the rein and soften her neck. 'MORE LEG'  I heard over and over until I was sure that they were going to fall off. 

It wasn't a miracle change but by the end of the lesson Carmen was responding to half-halts from my seat at walk/trot/canter and happily going around the circle at A. It wasn't a miracle change but by the end of the lesson Carmen was responding to half-halts from my seat at walk/trot/canter and happily going around the circle at A. 


Carmen: yes I can walk softly but not sure 
I want to bring my legs underneath of me


so much better 

The next day Julia came with her sister, who rode Irish while Julia did some video and called out advice. It was a bit of a disaster. Carmen was back to fretting about A and even bolted on me. I got off and lunged her and then got back on. WE ended in a better place but not as good as the day before. 


Carmen: lalalala I can't hear you

Carmen: eeeek, Me: argh

I shared a clip with Jane and she pointed out that, right before Carmen spooked, I didn't half-halt. I reviewed the video clips that Julia took and compared to my lesson. I realized that, while I was asking Carmen to slow down and come under, I didn't insist and she was totally able to blow me off. 

So the next day I told Carmen you and I are going to have a conversation today. And as soon as we started I asked her to half-halt. And insisted. 

And you know what?  Carmen was soft and listening and underneath of me for the entire ride in every spot of the ring. (no media but you have to believe me). 

So I feel that we're on a good track. This change is hard and it would easy to give up because it doesn't always feel like it's working when I'm on my own. Clearly, it's because my ability is not fully there without support. Which is fine. I am gaining awareness and knowledge (I pretty much always have desire lol). Jane is helping me get the skills and is reinforcing me. I'm also getting reinforcement from it working. 

I don't know when I can lesson again. Carmen's surgery is this week and I don't know how long before I bridle her again. I do plan to play with liberty and ground work. And then we're getting into winter weather so riding might be hit or miss, depending on whether the ground is frozen. 


not a bad way to end

Are you working through any change right now with your riding? How's it going? 

22 comments:

  1. Ugh I feel this SO MUCH. Change is hard. And I ways feel like my lessons go so much better than my rides on my own, but they're gradually getting more similar as I start getting more comfortable with the tools my trainer is teaching me.

    Fingers crossed that Carmen's surgery goes well, they get good margins, and she heals up quickly!! 🤞🤞

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    1. I agree- things are definitely feeling better in our solo rides.

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  2. I'm right in the thick of this with you. Fingers crossed that her surgery goes smoothly, thinking of you both this week!

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  3. this post actually reminded me more of work with my last mare than currently with charlie, but i feel like it's extra hard to commit those changes to muscle memory when the horse is so adept at 'changing the subject.' like i could go into a ride with isabel with all these plans, that were immediately forgotten about when she'd start throwing unexpected moves or reactions at me.... with charlie now, i'm actually focusing all my attention on changing to *ask less*, *say less* with my aids, so that when i *do* say something, he's ready for it.

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    1. Yup. I also have to ask less - because I get caught in this middle ground of ask and don't let her response (or lack of) guide it. sigh. Riding is hard.

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  4. My last few rides before my work-induced break were kind of working on the same thing - getting a reaction (generally forward) to a light leg aid. Cisco is bad about ignoring me also (is it an Andalusian thing?) and I end up working too hard trying to get him to go forward. We did tons of transitions from my leg - a light squeeze with my calf, not my heel.
    Best of luck with Carmen's surgery!

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    1. I don't think that it's an Andalusian thing but I do think it's a smart horse thing....

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  5. The leg on when she's spooky and spicy is my struggle too, as is the letting her escalate until I back off (actually, nevermind, this whole post applies to me, lol) I like the chart - I've saved it for the next time I'm wondering if my struggles are 'normal' :D

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    1. You can join the spicy mare support group, lol.

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  6. I feel this in my soul. One of my instructors told me during a clinic "do not negotiate with terrorists."

    It's my mantra but it's so hard when I want to be a soft rider but I've been realizing that being soft has allowed for a lot of bad habits, mentally and physically. Doesn't mean I can't be empathetic but if the horse is educated, then they should be asked and expected to give the answer.

    Easier said than done.

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    1. All of this. It's hard work but we'll get there.

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  7. I feel this in my soul. One of my instructors told me during a clinic "do not negotiate with terrorists."

    It's my mantra but it's so hard when I want to be a soft rider but I've been realizing that being soft has allowed for a lot of bad habits, mentally and physically. Doesn't mean I can't be empathetic but if the horse is educated, then they should be asked and expected to give the answer.

    Easier said than done.

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  8. Carmen and my pony Shiny at face value are very different, but it seems to me like their brains work very similarly. Shiny isn't spooky at all, but she LOVES to blow me off in other ways. Most notably throwing her shoulders around. I too let her sometimes talk me into not insisting on the right answer and then the wheels kind of fall of the bus. Then I have to really insist and I feel like I'm being SO MEAN. But the right answer follows, so there's that...
    I hope all goes smoothly for Carmen with her surgery and that winter is kind to you so you can pick back up when she's ready.

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    1. You are right- I feel mean too but the end it works and she seems happier so clearly it's about being clear.

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  9. Fingers crossed that the surgery goes well!

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    1. thank you. I am feeling a lot better about it but will be happy when it's done.

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  10. I haven't ridden since January 17th- my last ride on Beamer. Now that I have my new mare home it's going to be a bit of an adventure for me to see how confidant I am to ride a completely strange horse. So far I think we will click. She has just been a cowboy horse so I/we have a lot of learning to do about each other.

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    1. Good luck. I suspect you will handle her really well. And I hope that you are in a good place in terms of all the flooding that is happening.

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  11. I just took Speedy to a ground work clinic and the clinician basically said something very similar. If I'm going to ask for something I need to get in there and actually GET SOMETHING then back off. Not nag and negotiate and let the issue slide. I'm coming to realize this is an issue in a lot of horses I ride, so I will need to really focus on it!

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  12. Ugh I had a similar ride. Cupid's finally been consistently good in the outdoor, but on Wednesday he was distracted and seemed to be looking for things to spook at. Hopefully it was just the weather!!

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