Change is Hard

 Heads up: this post is going to get a wee bit nerdy (#sorrynotsorry). 

As you know I've been gushing about my lessons lately. Even Ed has noticed (I'm not sure why I ask you always say the same thing: wonderful!). But they are also really hard and I feel like I'm undoing and then learning a lot of new things. 

And it's hard. I've had two lessons in the past two weeks and the focus has been on me, essentially, not giving up until I get a response. I've realized that Carmen and I are in this cycle. I ask, she ignores, I ask more, she ignores more and then I cave. She doesn't always ignore and I don't always give up but when I get no response I do. 

Anyone who understands learning knows what I've taught Carmen: resistance is not futile. 

Carmen's perspective

And of course that all needs to change for us to progress. 

I recently learned this model in my work and I really like it as a way to look at change:

I like it and it seems to describe what is happening for us right now. 

When she gets super tight my reaction is to take my legs off. Jane wants my legs on. And my elbows at my side - not gripping the reins in a hard contact but not letting her pull herself apart either.  It feels like I'm being really really hard. But it doesn't look as awful in the videos and Carmen is responding. 

The ADKAR model from Prosci

In our second lesson, as I was warming up, Carmen decided that down by A was certain death. I could feel her obsessing over it and I knew that that would colour our whole ride- she would have a good chunk of her attention down at A and not on what we were doing. So I decided to head down there and work on it before Jane came.  Normally that works quite well for us. I softly show her that it's all fine and she settles. Not that day though. I could feel her working up to a bolt. So I'm riding as best as I can and Jane arrives and sees what's happening. 

So we spent the entire lesson working on that circle by A. The goal was to get Carmen to respond to half halts by bringing her hind end under and not sprawled out (at least I think that was the goal) and to reach to contact so she could follow the rein and soften her neck. 'MORE LEG'  I heard over and over until I was sure that they were going to fall off. 

It wasn't a miracle change but by the end of the lesson Carmen was responding to half-halts from my seat at walk/trot/canter and happily going around the circle at A. It wasn't a miracle change but by the end of the lesson Carmen was responding to half-halts from my seat at walk/trot/canter and happily going around the circle at A. 

Carmen: yes I can walk softly but not sure 
I want to bring my legs underneath of me

so much better 

The next day Julia came with her sister, who rode Irish while Julia did some video and called out advice. It was a bit of a disaster. Carmen was back to fretting about A and even bolted on me. I got off and lunged her and then got back on. WE ended in a better place but not as good as the day before. 

Carmen: lalalala I can't hear you

Carmen: eeeek, Me: argh

I shared a clip with Jane and she pointed out that, right before Carmen spooked, I didn't half-halt. I reviewed the video clips that Julia took and compared to my lesson. I realized that, while I was asking Carmen to slow down and come under, I didn't insist and she was totally able to blow me off. 

So the next day I told Carmen you and I are going to have a conversation today. And as soon as we started I asked her to half-halt. And insisted. 

And you know what?  Carmen was soft and listening and underneath of me for the entire ride in every spot of the ring. (no media but you have to believe me). 

So I feel that we're on a good track. This change is hard and it would easy to give up because it doesn't always feel like it's working when I'm on my own. Clearly, it's because my ability is not fully there without support. Which is fine. I am gaining awareness and knowledge (I pretty much always have desire lol). Jane is helping me get the skills and is reinforcing me. I'm also getting reinforcement from it working. 

I don't know when I can lesson again. Carmen's surgery is this week and I don't know how long before I bridle her again. I do plan to play with liberty and ground work. And then we're getting into winter weather so riding might be hit or miss, depending on whether the ground is frozen. 

not a bad way to end

Are you working through any change right now with your riding? How's it going?