Flow

Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives, are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times—although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we
make happen. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Spoiler alert: I had the best weekend.

It all started with my hack out on Friday.

Saturday was my birthday and I had plans for the day that probably only would seem great to fellow farm/horse owners. Things like cleaning all the old hay and poop out of the small paddock.  I put the horses up in the riding ring to eat the grass growing in around the edges while I did that.  They were happy to oblige and I was happy to get a winters worth of crap out of the way.

The other plan was, of course, to ride. I tacked Carmen up and took her up to the ring. We did a bit of ground work and it was clear she was feeling pretty mellow. My goal, as per my plan this year, was to see where she was mentally and then work from there.

and you know what?
She was right there.

In the past our rides would be like:
Carmen: let's see- the grass is moving so clearly there are monsters lurking...

Me: carmen

Carmen: crap, is that a pterodactyl? where are my exits?

Me: Carmen

Carmen: shit, I have to watch the grass, the trees, the skies. Danger lurks everywhere, better safe than sorry. 

Me: CARMEN

Carmen: OH MY GOD, STOP YELLING AT ME. I HAVE ENOUGH TO WORRY ABOUT WITHOUT YOU UP THERE BEING ALL BOSSY. Screw this, I'm out. 

Instead we had a ride that I can only describe as a conversation the whole time. She jumped once and then walked up to see what it was (a bird). Once she stopped to survey the next field. I looked too and said oh look carmen- it's a bald eagle! Isn't it beautiful? (yes, literally I said that).
She looked and sighed and carried on. We went everywhere and she was great.

I found a spot that was perfect and decided to stop. I could have kept going (I had things I would have liked to school) but I'm trying to find a good spot to end. I find that this is helping her look to be good because it is rewarded (not sure if that makes sense, but it does to me). After I sat on the deck and cleaned tack.

strutting. I know she above the vertical but she's taking me
forward with energy and I will take it. 

Saturday night Ed and I went out to dinner with some good friends. It was so much fun to eat and drink and talk and laugh.

I had also booked a lesson for 8:30. Shanea had wanted 8:00 but I negotiated later because I knew I was going to be out late. The morning was windy and cold (although sunny). I was sorry because I figured that my ride would be very different. Shanea arrived early and I was still tacking up. I refuse to rush because it never works out. I was also a little tired from partying.

Carmen blew me out of the water: she was exactly the same as the day before. In fact, she was better.

She was walking around all confident and easy going.

Like who is this mare?

here she is doing a free walk down the side that created so much emotion in the fall:

Compare that to this from last fall:

We worked on simple walk-trot-walk transitions. Keeping her with me and supple over the back. It went very well. I was losing the bend in the corners and Shanea advised me to use my inside leg and my outside knee to keep the shoulder from falling out. It worked like a charm.

We found a good spot to end and stopped. Carmen was pleased with herself. I was pleased with her and Shanea was pleased with both of us.

I love how much fun riding is becoming. I love how relaxed and affectionate Carmen is getting. I can place my hand on her neck and she immediately relaxes.

 I know that treating the ulcers was a major piece of this. But taking the pain away was only part. I needed to work through the loss of trust and habits that have been in place for a long time. I credit working through the TRT stuff with a lot of this. I can see her confidence growing and it makes my heart glow.

Embracing the Zen

This morning I put Carmen on the trailer and we headed to Coveside to ride the trails with Nancy. I ended up being a bit earlier than anticipated and they were still cleaning the stalls. But, because everyone is so nice, they let me throw her in a stall anyway.

My plan was to quickly park the truck and then take her out of the way. I figured we could practice our ground work in a new setting. But when I got back to the barn Nancy was there so we decided to quickly tack up and get going. Carmen was hilarious.
Carmen: no, I can't go yet. Look they are just bringing the hay. Go have coffee or something. 

I was mean and took her out anyway. We did a bit in hand and then she lined up at the rock wall so I could get on. As soon as I sat in the saddle she was raring to go.

C'mon. Let's get this show on the road! 

I had her wait for Nancy and Beau and then we headed out.

These rides are so good for our confidence level. Carmen clearly had tons of energy and I gave her the rein and let her go.  I let her look at things and praised her when she passed scary things.

how we spent 95% of the ride. 

Up until now we've been following Beau, but shortly into the ride she passed him on a hill and kept going.

Me: I guess we're leading now

Nancy: Great! 

This was so exciting because it's been one of my goals for Carmen. I even had been working on a plan. This plan did not include that she would decide to do it.

I spent the whole ride letting her make choices. Sometimes she lead. Other times something seemed too scary and we let Beau go first. This was particularly true when we went through the section where we had encountered the grouse before.

We passed (and were passed) by gators, cars and other machinery at parts.

She could have cared less. The first time she had one ear on me and one on the gator. I just left the rein long and stayed relaxed.

In one section a squirrel ran up a tree. She leaped sideways and then went back to riding (although she did send it a dirty look).

She also stopped at the top of a hill to look through the forest. I let her look and determine that there were no bears, wolves or grouse and then walk on.

When we got back to the barn we were greeted by the donkey. He's gelded but thinks he's still got it. I also think that Carmen is in heat because he was quite interested in her (unlike before).

Hey girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 

Donkey: 'Can you take me to vet? 'Cause I broke my leg falling for you'

Carmen: ....

Donkey is your name google? Because you are what I'm looking for

I put Carmen in the stall which had some hay in it, much to her delight. As she hoed into it the donkey put his head up.  Hey, is that salad for two? 

Carmen: um, Mom, what is he doing? 

I don't think I want to date a donkey. Or anyone, really. 

I brought the truck around and when I opened the back he looked like he wanted to hop in.

When I brought Carmen out she hopped right on and we hit the road.

I love that we are doing so many fun things this year. And I love the confidence we are gaining in each other. Even when she jumped I was able to immediately let the rein go and carry on.

Choosing to Stop and Smell the Roses (a sort of blog hop)

This is a loose blog hop based on Emma's post here. I'd advise you to go and read it- it's well written and spot on.

hey, got any carrots?

What I loved about this post as it kind of hit on what I've been thinking about these days. This year I'm really focusing on letting go of the 'I should's. You know what I mean:
I should ride more/longer
I should be working on our groundwork
I should be .....

It's not that I shouldn't be doing those. But I realize that as I think of the 'shoulds' it's because I don't feel like it at that moment.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't lost my desire to ride. But I'm trying to not force myself. Carmen, for one, doesn't respond well to it. Also, I am far more likely to become frustrated because I really don't want to. Which we all know, she doesn't respond to well at all.

So when I am spending more time puttering, grooming, and just frigging enjoying my horse.

I'm liking this move from the Type A person to the Type B one.

Now when I ride and work her, I enjoy it more. I'm also enjoying the grooming and just being with my two horses.

Carmen: grooming is always good

And things are feeling different with Carmen and I. She's choosing to be with me more and more when I'm out puttering.

On sunday I fell down the stairs and bruised my tail bone (it really hurts). I figured I could be okay. Turns out I was wrong. I realized as soon as I settled in the saddle that there was no way I could ride effectively.  So I spent 5 minutes walking her on a long rein and encouraging her to be brave by going toward the things she was worried about. I then hopped off and she gave me a curious look Wait, that's it? 

I took her back to the barn and untacked her. I then put on her halter and we did some walking around the house and back. I let her out into the paddock and then refilled the hay bag. Irish dove in, but Carmen kept following me around blowing in my ear. It was kind of adorable.

Today I really wanted to ride. Julia joined me too. Ed came into the barn and asked if it would be okay if he went around pounding the fence posts (a chore that has to happen every spring as they get loose with the frost coming out of the ground). My gut said 'no' but my mouth said 'sure. It will make things lively but that's okay'. 

the downside of increasing confidence- far more
likely to tear the tractor apart. 

I realized I wasn't worried at all. If we couldn't work on 'dressage' things, we could work on being okay with seeing a tractor and a man wielding a large mallet. It was an opportunity, not a barrier.

And you know what?

She was fine.

Like fine. Curious, a bit looky but nothing major. On the Carmen spook/tension scale she was 1. When she was tense I gave her rein and invited her forward. Every time she answered my ask.  

My tail bone was still sore and so I was riding carefully.

Call me crazy but I think she was looking after me.  She was so steady in the bridle. Our trot was really slow at first (think western jog). But we warmed up into a nice, soft trot. The walk-trot transitions were easy. I also had 3 trot poles out and she was reaching and stretching over them.

After 30  minutes my butt was done so I stopped. I am not sure what this all means for my riding/showing/horsemanship. I am still in love with dressage and will keep pursuing it. But not with the same intensity or drive.  I am curious to see where it takes me.

Feelings, So Many Feelings

After working with Carmen I let her back out to the paddock to relax before the lesson.

It was an interesting lesson.

She started off with lots of energy and looking around. What is interesting is that the areas that were NBD during our groundwork, continue to cause some anxiety when being ridden.

This is definitely habit and one that doesn't get me too bent out of shape.

We walked around and then picked up a trot. I am sure that her saddle needs some adjusting (I have a call in) and so I let her warm up to it. Carmen was still getting herself distracted, the work in the ring was not keeping her occupied enough.

getting distracted by the equipment outside the ring.
Still looking pretty though

So Shanea asked me to do a 4 loop serpentine. I was riding it and Shanea kept telling me to turn sooner and I was getting confused. Finally she said 'think of it as 10 m circles'. And then I knew I had to stop.  See, my ring is 60 m long so to do a 4 loop serpentine it's at the 15 m marker not the 10. Once we cleared that up we could work through it.

As we worked Carmen's energy picked up and she was ready to go. She picked up a canter when I didn't ask but I let her roll with it and we flowed along. It allowed me to work on our trot-canter-trot transitions.

After a brief break we went back to trot and I asked her to cross the ring at B she balked. I put my leg on and she gave a big buck. It honestly seemed like she felt I was being too hard and I'm sure my balance was on the front of the saddle and pinching her.

So I just laughed, brought her back to walk and let her get more comfortable. Clearly, she had feelings and one of us had to be zen. I spoke about what I thought was bothering her and we decided to take it down a notch.

We worked on some leg yields at a walk. As we worked, Carmen began to relax. And then wanted to go forward into trot. I waited a bit and then let her roll forward.

Leg yields from left to right were easier then right to left.  She likes to lead with her haunches so worked on that. Here is Carmen expressing her feelings about being made to go to troll corner.

But we worked through it. Carmen can get quite fast and unbalanced so I've been working on that.
In this video you can see that she's speeding and falling out of balance. I turned her into a 10 m circle and slowed her down. From that she's more balanced and, funny enough, less spooky in the corner.

But we finished with this leg yield:

This is the one we finished on.

I was happy with this lesson and how we dealt with things. It seemed to me that Carmen is learning that I will  listen to her when she tells me she's not comfortable- mentally or physically. Which is allowing us to work through it. I am being less intense, which is also good.

Dealing with Distractions and Other Spooky Things

First of I am so excited that I won Equine Pilots Foal Pool! Also, the filly is stunning.

I had a lesson arranged for Friday afternoon. I spent the morning doing chores around the farm. Winter is hard on things and there are always things to fix and clean up. I also got the stuff out of the shed to take up to the ring.

looks precarious but it actually worked out. 

Before my lesson I brought Carmen into the ring to play with some of our groundwork exercises. With TRT the idea is not to desentize horses but to teach them to deal with pressure and stress in a positive way.  I have been moving the actives closer to the side of the ring where we have 'issues'.  The goal is to break the habit that has developed there.

Not to bore you with this stuff but it will become relevant for the lesson post that is coming later.

  I set up a simple tarp (which is actually an old horse blanket with all the straps and hardware cut off) between two cones. This was no big deal, which I expected. I'm enjoying watching Carmen take to my questions as puzzles to be figured out. I would say that she's enjoying them.

I then grabbed the plastic bag on a stick. First I did some work with the bag to make sure she remembered. Then I stuck it in the cone and asked her to go through. The idea is that she goes through without me leading her- instead she leads herself.  I am her coach, not her boss in these exercises.

You see that she hesitates and I give her time to figure it out. I am also really working on my body language to be low key and relaxed. You may notice a certain dog who also acts as a distraction. Guinness kept coming in to see if I was done and we could play.

Going on the right rein is a bigger question for her then going on the left. Which tracks with under saddle too. I can also see how she feels good that she figured it out and dealt with it.

I then took the bag out and added the flag. The flag is her least favourite thing. She doesn't like things that flap. I did work with her with just the flag and then added it to the cone.

You can see that this creates more tension and uncertainty. I don't get upset when the gives the 'wrong' answer. Nor do I try to correct it. Instead we regroup and try again. I give her time to think and then increase the demand. Once she did it pretty well both ways I stopped. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be 'better'. Each time we try she starts off at or better than the last time.

I was very happy with her and how she dealt with this. We finished with practicing her draw to the mounting block. I love this so much. The idea is that, rather than being made to stand at the block, we  teach the horse to stand themselves there. Carmen has been pretty good about standing while mounting but with this I find her very relaxed and happy to stand there until I ask her to move.

You can see that the grass is a distraction. Hard to blame her there. After two trials I let her go to graze and relax while I put stuff away.

Here she is grazing in 'Troll Corner' with not one concern.

Early Morning Rides

The two lessons I've had this spring have been very positive lessons.

While that makes me feel very optimistic.

It also add pressure to apply the lessons to my regular schooling sessions.

Or, you know, even find time to school. Between work and weather it's not been easy.

 I need to get back into the swing of regular training. Not in a drilling sort of way (I'm determined to not do that) but for consistency.

I managed to squeeze a ride in early Tuesday morning before heading for a day of meetings.  I really like riding in the mornings. I find that I am more focussed. Julia came to join us as well.

As soon as I mounted I felt that Carmen was energized but in a good way. I even joked that I hoped she would use her energy for good instead of evil.

It seems to me that Carmen is figuring out that work does not equal pain. And so she's feeling much less defensive and interested in figuring out the questions.

And it's not that she isn't wary about the far side but the reactions are definitely going down, rather than up.

After riding for about 35 minutes I was happy to end it. She had done everything I asked. Her transitions were prompt, our leg yields were smooth and there was minimal spooking. Even our haunches/shoulder in were pretty straightforward.

I walked her over to the rail and we opened the gate. She was all 'yeah, I've got this'. We headed out for a lovely hack through the woods. Irish was also quite happy to be back at it.

It was a great way to start the day.

Turns out that I like to do it in the morning.

The Rhythm is Gonna Get You

It's not news that I really want to get back into the training swing. Last week I sent a text to Shanea and we arranged for a lesson today.

In the morning I did some groundwork and TRT method. I had been doing a lot of thinking about 'troll corner' and how to help Carmen learn to relax. I was watching a video where Tristan was answering questions about horses having a spooky corner. He said that there really is nothing to teach them in terms of not reacting to specific stimulus because there usually isn't one. Instead it becomes a habit in which the horse gets tense in a particular spot. Then the rider builds tension and this results in a reaction to any stimulus (like a bird).

I did some pondering and got an idea. Carmen has learned really well to relax to the various 'toys' I use (flags, clappers, plastic bags etc) so I decided to use that learning to set up a lesson for Troll corner. I started in a comfortable spot - near the gate. And then took her over to troll corner. Interestingly she actually did explode in response to the bag. But quickly fell back into understanding the task. Soon she was relaxed and mellow.

When it was time for the lesson I mounted and we walked off on a long(ish) rein. She looked askance at the far side but didn't get explosive or balky.

Shanea came soon after I mounted and we began to work. The exercises were simple enough. First just walking and reaching forward. Inside leg to outside rein is apparently still in fashion.

that is us walking through troll corner. 

We then picked up trot and doing a serpentine exercise: each time we returned to the rail we were to do a 10 metre circle. 

like this. First we did 3 loops, then 4

Initially Carmen and I were a real mess. Straightness and the correct bend were elusive little buggers. So was rhythm and attention. 

Fortunately, Shanea is patient and I am stubborn. Slowly the exercise began to flow and we got into the rhythm of it. 

At times things were distracting to Carmen. Did I mention that Ed decided that this was the perfect time to use the tractor to grade the driveway? I could have texted him to stop but it seemed to be a little distraction so I let it go. 

Here's a video of the work:

I don't know where we were in the ride that this was taken but I know it got better and better.

It felt lovely to find us working forward and her swinging over the back.  We gave her rests when she was good to help her understand the lesson.

OMG, are we actually straight? also check out those ears! 

At the end we picked up a canter. The exercise was to pick up canter at A, 15 m circle between F & B and then across the center line, transition to trot at X, 10 m circle to regain balance and then across the ring, picking up the canter on the center line.

Our left lead was fabulous- forward and effortless. We even did a bending line and she was awesome. To the right was a bigger struggle, but that is no new for us. I have to say that it was far better then when we started last year.

We ended after a few minutes of canter and we walked out on a long rein.

It felt so good to have this second lesson of the year go so well. I have a lot of things for us to work on but it feels good.

Irish and Julia also had a lesson and they looked great.

such a cute redhead