Baby Steps

To be clear- my life is not a sinking morass of misery in which I wallow. I am getting on with work and my social life and finding comfort and fun in my daily activities. While I am sad at times I am managing.

There were a few leftovers. For the longest time I couldn't drive by where Steele died. This made my commute longer. Every day I would get in my car and say to myself "I'm going to turn left. I can do this" and when I came to the end of the driveway I turned right. On my way home I would say the same thing and then drive right by the street that would take me the shorter way and go around.

Then one morning I was running late. And it was dark. So I turned left. And the world didn't end. I felt a little dizzy but I think I was holding my breath. On the way home at the end of the day I drove by again. I swear I felt Steele cantering beside the car as I drove by the spot. Make of that what you will- self-delusion or whatever, I felt better. So now I go by and it gets easier every time.

I've been going out the barn and taking care of the horses. As Ed says - we are returning to the new 'normal'. Yesterday was a warmer than usual day. Lately it's been -10 C and colder. That makes it hard to linger. But Saturday it was over 0 and mild. It seemed like a good day to get some chores done around the barn that I had been putting off. Ed wanted to help so we went out and cleaned, restocked hay, washed buckets and generally puttered. Lexie hung out in the barn watching. I gave both horses a good grooming which they thoroughly enjoyed.

As I puttered away I realized that I was humming.

It seems that peace has returned to the barn for me.

take care of horses and they will take care of you