Riding with Honesty

We all live at the mercy of our emotions. Our motions influence and shape our desires, thoughts and behaviors and above all our destiny.

– Dr T.P.Chia

Hang on- this might get a bit new-agey and mystical.

 I believe that I am a logical person. I am also an emotional person. I'd like to think that that means I'm well balanced. More likely it means that I can always find a way to justify what I'm feeling.

And I doubt that I'm alone in that.

I have always heard that emotions and riding/training don't mix. I've worked very hard to keep my emotions out of riding.

I now believe that I had it wrong. The truth is that we always have emotions- happy, anger, stress, sadness and all the subtle nuances. In the past 18 months I've had to come to terms with how my 'emotional baggage' is impacting my ability to ride. For the longest time I try to achieve a state of calm and objectivity, with mixed success. Horses are very good at seeing through any masks we put on. A sensitive mare like Carmen is really good at it. And calling me on my lies.

What I've learned with Royce (one of the many things) is that leadership is not just a state- it's mostly actions and reactions. I'm never going to be as good as he is at just going with the flow.

But I am good at honesty (mostly). So I've been adding that to the mix. I no longer try to mask or suppress my emotions. Instead I acknowledge them and use them to work through whatever is going on.

Royce wants to me start mounting down by the barn and riding Carmen up to the ring. Okay. The first time I did it, half-way up the neighbour started his ride on lawn mower. That would not be a big deal except that his is the loudest one I've ever heard. The first time I heard it I thought he had an excavator going on. Carmen was getting very worried and so was I so got off and led her the rest of the way.  Yesterday I decided to do it again. I got on and as we headed up to the ring I could feel her getting tight. So was I.
I know I said, I'm not so sure about this either but I believe that we can handle it. 
She blew a  bit and relaxed. Not a lot but some. And we survived. In the ring at one point she gave a bit startle at something and I jumped too. Oh, that gave me a start. And then we went on. Before I would have tried to gather her up and tell her to not be so foolish. Which was not me removing emotion but actually reacting with anger.

Today we did it again with much less tension. In the ring we didn't have to warm up to 'troll corner'. Not that she was happy to go that way, she wasn't but she was responsive. She gave this huge start when a grasshopper attacked jumped out. I gave a brief reaction and then began to laugh. Which relaxed us both (although she was a bit miffed it could have been a scorpion you know!). 

I'm doing lots of external acknowledgement of how I feel when I ride- happy, frustrated, startled, freaked out. I think because I'm saying it out loud to myself (and Carmen) I can then deal and move on. Her spooking is getting less often and less explosive for lots of reasons. One small component is my being open about how I feel. This is making me more resilient in my schooling.

Even if that's not really why it works, I don't care. It works for me.

Conscious (semi) Competence

I'm starting to feel like I have a bit of a handle on things I've been learning from Royce and Sue. I'm probably bouncing between unconscious incompetence and conscious competence (for reference).

I've ridden three times since coming home from the clinic. I gave Carmen Monday off because I had a busy and long day at work and plus I just was tired! However, Carmen was a bit grumpy at being neglected so I had to bring her out and give her a groom.

I've been trying to take what I've learned and use it in my rides so that I don't slip back into bad habits. One is my tendency to put my legs out in front of me. Part of the problem is that I have flexi stirrups. When I bought them 10 years ago these were recommended to help you be flexible in your leg. Sue disagreed, after trying stable stirrups (thanks Karen for loaning them) I could feel the difference.  I am using some plastic ones for now until I get to the tack store. But I am finding how more stable I am with my legs in the right position. It's easier to engage my core muscles. Yesterday I had a massage and went I went to ride i had to lengthen my stirrups- a combination of the composite ones (they are shorter) and that she released my quad and Psoas muscles.

Right now I'm sure that I look very awkward as I try to keep things in mind and ride what I was taught. It's hard because it takes thinking and feels awkward. Which means I have to decide if it's awkward because it's wrong or awkward because it's right.

It was interesting with Carmen back in the ring. She's falling into her old habits of being stiff and spooky. The first two time her heart wasn't really in it and I worked out of it pretty quickly. Yesterday it took a little longer. But I refuse to buy into her drama and put her to work. Moving her butt and getting her forward is the key for her and she's learning that I don't back off just because she telegraphing that there are monsters. I think that the clinic had just the right timing for me- between Royce and Sue's information I am feeling very confident (don't you love it when instructors agree?). I suspect that we will be having these discussions in my ring for a while because of the pattern we've established.

When Carmen finally gives, it feels so good and then we can actually work. The problem is that it's been very hot and humid so by then I'm a hot mess. But we can then do lots of things at walk and trot and she's not looking around for things to get excited about.

I've re-introduced trot poles into our work. Before she would suck back right before and through them and then get annoyed that she was tripping. Now I can feel her stretch out over and her stride gets bouncy. It feels great.

Yesterday we did some work on shoulder-in and haunches in. We started at the walk. I have to be careful to not overland her and not bend her neck. But when it's there I can really feel her lift into it and she feels the work. Once it was good at the walk to the right I asked for it in trot. A little more difficult but she figured it out. We switched direction and she found it harder to the left. I picked up a trot across the short side, did a 10 m circle and asked her for haunches in down the long side. I could feel her try but this is just impossible, sorry and she dropped to a walk. I laughed, she wasn't being resistant she just couldn't figure it out. I let her walk in it, straightened her out and then picked up a trot again. This time as we did our 10 m circle I made sure that I was supporting her with my legs- the outer to keep the haunches in and the inner pulsing to keep the momentum. She kept the pace and we did about 12 m of haunches in, I gave her lots of praise for it and then straightened her.  We stopped around the corner and I dismounted.

Because of the heat our sessions are not long but I'm feeling that they are productive.

From the clinic. Her head is tilted because of my left hand (seriously, I just need to CUT  IT OFF),
but her ears are listening and her hind leg is reaching and my set is looking semi-competent. 

***so somehow I posted the same post twice! I am not sure how I did that.

Conscious (semi) Competence

I'm starting to feel like I have a bit of a handle on things I've been learning from Royce and Sue. I'm probably bouncing between unconscious incompetence and conscious competence (for reference).

I've ridden three times since coming home from the clinic. I gave Carmen Monday off because I had a busy and long day at work and plus I just was tired! However, Carmen was a bit grumpy at being neglected so I had to bring her out and give her a groom.

I've been trying to take what I've learned and use it in my rides so that I don't slip back into bad habits. One is my tendency to put my legs out in front of me. Part of the problem is that I have flexi stirrups. When I bought them 10 years ago these were recommended to help you be flexible in your leg. Sue disagreed, after trying stable stirrups (thanks Karen for loaning them) I could feel the difference.  I am using some plastic ones for now until I get to the tack store. But I am finding how more stable I am with my legs in the right position. It's easier to engage my core muscles. Yesterday I had a massage and went I went to ride i had to lengthen my stirrups- a combination of the composite ones (they are shorter) and that she released my quad and Psoas muscles.

Right now I'm sure that I look very awkward as I try to keep things in mind and ride what I was taught. It's hard because it takes thinking and feels awkward. Which means I have to decide if it's awkward because it's wrong or awkward because it's right.

It was interesting with Carmen back in the ring. She's falling into her old habits of being stiff and spooky. The first two time her heart wasn't really in it and I worked out of it pretty quickly. Yesterday it took a little longer. But I refuse to buy into her drama and put her to work. Moving her butt and getting her forward is the key for her and she's learning that I don't back off just because she telegraphing that there are monsters. I think that the clinic had just the right timing for me- between Royce and Sue's information I am feeling very confident (don't you love it when instructors agree?). I suspect that we will be having these discussions in my ring for a while because of the pattern we've established.

When Carmen finally gives, it feels so good and then we can actually work. The problem is that it's been very hot and humid so by then I'm a hot mess. But we can then do lots of things at walk and trot and she's not looking around for things to get excited about.

I've re-introduced trot poles into our work. Before she would suck back right before and through them and then get annoyed that she was tripping. Now I can feel her stretch out over and her stride gets bouncy. It feels great.

Yesterday we did some work on shoulder-in and haunches in. We started at the walk. I have to be careful to not overland her and not bend her neck. But when it's there I can really feel her lift into it and she feels the work. Once it was good at the walk to the right I asked for it in trot. A little more difficult but she figured it out. We switched direction and she found it harder to the left. I picked up a trot across the short side, did a 10 m circle and asked her for haunches in down the long side. I could feel her try but this is just impossible, sorry and she dropped to a walk. I laughed, she wasn't being resistant she just couldn't figure it out. I let her walk in it, straightened her out and then picked up a trot again. This time as we did our 10 m circle I made sure that I was supporting her with my legs- the outer to keep the haunches in and the inner pulsing to keep the momentum. She kept the pace and we did about 12 m of haunches in, I gave her lots of praise for it and then straightened her.  We stopped around the corner and I dismounted.

Because of the heat our sessions are not long but I'm feeling that they are productive.

From the clinic. Her head is tilted because of my left hand (seriously, I just need to CUT  IT OFF),
but her ears are listening and her hind leg is reaching and my set is looking semi-competent. 

Centred Riding Clinic Day 3- About the Ball

**Usual disclaimer that errors are mine**

On day 2, right after lunch Sue talked about the 'ball'. It's a way to think about your Center and the energy flow.

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Imagine that there is a ball sitting in the girdle of your pelvis. You can rotate that ball in many directions. For riding we want the ball to rotate backwards. When I imagined the ball going backwards I sat up more, opened the front of the my body and did a better job riding Carmen's hindlegs. I felt more stable and less stiff. When I imagined it going forward I collapsed. Whether you believe that you have energy currents moving through your body or not- try it as an image, it may help. We also learned about how to be strong with our bodies without being stiff. It was fun. 

So the next day it was time to try to put this into practice. Sometimes my ball when bouncing out of my pelvis and landed far away but I could get it back. 

kinda like this! 

Carmen came into the ring not really feeling like she wanted to play. She was being more spooky at the far end and I could feel her thinking that maybe she just didn't have to. I should also mention that with two stallions in the barn she was in full heat and feeling, well, horny. It was sad-everytime the stallion's owner would walk by Carmen would nicker at her (she must have smelled like him). 

When Carmen comes out tense and spooky it's very hard for me to not echo how she feels. Sue talked me through it and, voila, it worked:

A lot of her tension left after this. 

I worked on remembering everything (ha!) and adding in the ball.  I found the ball analogy easy to use and found it wasn't that hard to send it spinning in various ways to move Carmen. 

The idea was to also turn without bend. Sue explained (I hope I get this right) that when we try to bend our horses they break at the neck/whither point and we lose the outside leg and shoulder. Which interestingly enough is also what Royce tells me! The outside side of the back doesn't lift and carry- instead it falls away. This makes it impossible to build up the horse's topline. Instead you think of the turn as a series of straight lines and, as the horse adapts they bend themselves and do it properly. I saw it work beautifully with earlier riders, so I was trying that as well. It was going okay until we picked up trot. Sue was working down at A with Cynthia. I was thinking that we would trot a circle up at C (by the far open door). Carmen was thinking that we should be down at A- where there were admirers it was safer. 

As we came across the centre I applied my outside aids.  

Nothing. 

I tried again

The non-response was deafening. 

By the midpoint I could feel Carmen heading left. 

I mustered my core and intent and asked for right. 

Nope. Not gonna happen. 

Then by god we're not going left. 

Carmen came to an abrupt stop with her nose inches from the wall. 

Well this is a fine mess that you got us into! 

Me? I was saying to turn right. 

I never heard you. Besides Left was the way to go. 

By now Sue has spied us: If the plan fails, make a new plan!

I began to giggle. 

Laughter is good! It's better to laugh at your mistakes then get upset. 

I regrouped and tried again. This time I gave a little inside rein aid- not to bend but to say 'hello, this way please'. And it worked. Not pretty but it worked. 

Can we circle? Yes we can! 

I was really pleased with our trot work: 

Walk to trot in the beginning can be a bit dramatic- if it's not perfect she will throw her hindquarters in, or if she's feeling fussy she will pin her ears and refuse to go. So this was thrilling to me:

We got into the groove and her ears were listening- she was with me the whole way. At one point we rode by the auditors and a piece of looseleaf came flying out under her feet. She swerved and looked at it but I told her it was okay so we carried on. A couple months ago she would have been down the other end of the arena. 

And then we came back without coming against my hand or falling on her front legs (and check out that fabulous saddle pad!): 

And that's where we ended. When I dismounted she dropped her head and sighed. I came up to her head and crouched low. She dropped her head down by me and I stroked her face. 

What a weekend. I not only learned a ton, but I was able to drink wine, eat good food and talk horses all weekend. We all worked hard but no person or horse were stressed beyond their capacity. When it was time to go home both horses walked right on the trailer. When we got home Carmen wasn't sure she wanted off- she hadn't finished her hay yet. That night when I went in to give them their night feed both of them were looking at me with sleepy eyes and hay in their forelocks. I gave them both a rub and said I know how you feel. I was happy, not at a excited level but at my core. All weekend she was sociable and affectionate. Not the wary and standoffish horse she had been. I was able to use what I had learned from Royce to help her learn that it will all be okay. 

Not so long ago I was thinking I would have to sell her. Thanks to Royce and our work she is becoming a horse that it fun to work with and who likes to work. 

Phew. 

Centered Riding Clinic Day 2 (with media)

**the usual disclaimer that this is my recollection and any errors or omissions are my own and the fault of Sue Leffler or Centred Riding. Also I included videos of my riding so please be kind. ****

I didn't sleep super well on friday. It wasn't awful either but I woke up feeling a bit groggy (it couldn't possibly be the wine....I'm sure!). I fed and cleaned the horses' stalls and then turned  them out for a bit in the small paddock beside the arean. I love that about Karen's- the horses can go out and stretch their legs. For Irish moving around is critical- he's very stiff in the mornings. Also, since both of them are used to 10-12 hours of turn out it's good for their mental health.

We weren't riding until 11 so we could watch some of the other guinea pigs riders. I always worry about a new clinician- what if I don't understand them? What if I disagree. I have no problem asking questions or disagreeing but if it's not recieved well it can be unpleasant.

My observations were:

• Sue adjusted her lesson to suit the rider and horse team. There were definitely common themes but each lesson was different (even between the days). 
• Humour was a key part of her teaching but never at the rider's expense. 
• It was hard for her to stay on time because she wants the horse/rider to get it.
• consistent with above she was very tenacious. She would stop you if necessary to help you understand. Sometimes you dismount and do ground exercises and then get back on. 
• Sue was very hands-on- she used her body and hands to help you figure out where you legs and arms and backs and pelvis needed to be
• She did not get frustrated repeating things over and over. It seemed to me that she recongized that new learning takes practice and that it's not easy- especially when seated on animal with a mind of her own. 
• Sue invited dialogue. She loved to explain the whys and wherefores. She welcomed discussion but if she thought you were 'overthinking' she would call you on it. I was very grateful that a friend rode first because she and I both tend to do that. I was able to learn from her doing it....

Before I rode I brought Carmen in and spent some time with her int he stall braiding her mane. I find that this quiet task is a great way for me to center and get us in harmony. It requires just enough focus so that I don't spiral into the 'what if vortex' but not so much that it's stressful. I sometimes do it while waiting for Royce to come. 

When it was our turn (Cynthia and I did a semi-private lesson) I mounted and took a deep breath. The idea was to ride back to front and think about riding the hind legs. The front legs take care of themselves. We also were to keep the necks centred over the whither to help the horse be straight. It reminded me of Royce who always says  keep the horse's body under you and the bend will take care of itself. For transitions we are to prepare, prepare, and ask. So that the horse is ready and looking to do it. 

As we would walk by the far end door, Carmen would suck back and think about ducking in, I could bring my hands back and Sue would tell me to ride her forward. I can't tell you how many times she told me that, but it was a lot. But she never lost patience. It wasn't that I wasn't listening. I was listening, but my body was reacting because when I lose the front end of Carmen bad things can happen (like spinnign and bolting). So while I was telling my hands to give they were saying screw you, we want to LIVE! I think Sue must be used to that. But when we got it- wow: 

When we started to trot she let us go for a bit and then brought us into the center and adjusted my saddle. Sue used sponges up under the flap by the pommel to help keep me back and used the straps for full cheek snaffles to move the saddle leathers a bit forward. She called it the $3 saddle adjustment. THat really helped. I still needed reminders to bend my knees under (I tend to put my legs straight and forward, proably from trying to be the perfect dressage rider and in self-defense). 

Here's a video of our initial trot work:

Ugh, I'm stiff and tight and we are not a great example. I kept trying to sort it out and listen to Sue and then finally it began to fall into place:

Still lots to correct with me (especially  my hands- I need to CUT THEM OFF) but look at her flow. It felt effortless and comfortable. It seemed that I only had to think of chaning direction or doing a circle and it just happened. Look at her ears- totally tuned in. 

When I dismounted I realized how hot I was. I hosed Carmen off and then spent some time just putzng around the barn by myself. I wanted to let the lesson sink in before it was over run by lunch time chatting. I can't really process things when I'm talking- only when I'm quiet. 

After lunch we had a lecture on the spinning ball at our core and how to use our core to stabilize and work with our horse rather then pull. We practiced on each other and it was fun and informative. There were lots of giggles. 

After that there were more lessons. I finally had to leave. My brain was overflowing and I could no longer take in more info. I went and fell into the pool and let the quiet work on my brain. Karen and Cnythia joined me in the pool and we then had a multi-course meal cooked by Jim. It was unbeliavably good. I found out that like sardines. Who knew?

That night I had no trouble sleeping at all. 

Centred Riding Clinic Day 1

Spoiler alert: it was a FANTASTIC experience. Carmen and I got so much out of it that I can't even figure out where to start.

So let me start with the disclaimer: this post is my understanding of what I learned in the clinic. I may have gotten it wrong and if so, please do not blame the Centred Riding folks- it's all my fault. Don't think 'that centred riding stuff is stupid'  instead think 'Teresa is getting it all wrong. Again'. 

Carmen and Irish loaded like professionals- both walked right and stood there without a bit of fuss. They travelled well and got off as good as they got on. Carmen was a bit hesitant about entering the stable. This is not new and often I need someone to help me encourage her from behind. But this time I wanted to do it myself as a test of how we're doing since Royce started working with us. There were some hesitations but she never pulled backwards and we made it in all by ourselves. (*pats self & Carmen on back).

After letting them chill for a bit we tacked them up and took them into the arena. There were three open doors: on the left to a paddock and there was a trailer parked there, on the right where there was tall grass and looked onto the stallion's paddock and at the far end where there was a manure pile and trees. All good spooking spots for Carmen. I made sure on my ground work that I let her see what was there but that I reinforced that we worked there and went towards them. When I mounted I did the same thing. And she was lovely - a few bobbles at the doors but I was able to work her towards them without any major blow ups or fuss.

After supper there was a lecture from the clinician - Sue Leffler. We all started with introducing ourselves, any limitations we had and our goals. When it was my turn I owned up that most of my 'baggage' was emotional and to my eternal embarrassment I cried. But she was good and said that she knew my story and I didn't need to explain myself. Phew. She was funny and informative and gave a ton of information. My problem is that after so much I can't take in anymore - especially at night. But she went over the anatomy and how it has to function to work with the horse. If I could boil it down to a few key points they would be this:
1. We all have physical or psychological limitations but we can learn to work around, through and with them to be better riders. We don't have to have perfect conformation and neither do our horses.

2. We ride 'back up to front'- the front end takes care of itself if we ride the back. And we always ride the 'up' of the horse to encourage them to lift their backs and go into contact. We don't take contact- the horses take it and we channel the energy

3. There are some simple fundamentals that we can all do (but are hard to remember as I found out) no matter our ability:  Our eyes must be soft not hard. This allows us to be soft and flow with the horse rather then harsh and against the horse. We have to breath through our diaphragm to control relaxation and energy. We have to be centred- this gives us the strength and flexibility to ride correctly and not become unbalanced.

4. You must have clear intent - I loved this because is pretty much what Royce says- 'you have to be back or white with the horse, not wishy washy'. In other words you have to know what you want so that the horse knows what you want. I was reminded of when I would be pointed at a jump by an instructor and told to jump it even though I didn't really want to. No surprise that the horse would stop.

When the lecture was over Cynthia, Karen and I put the horses to bed and went for a swim in her pool. A glass of wine after and I went to bed with the points above rattling around in my head. Knowing how intense I can get and know that that is not a good thing I was wondering what I had gotten myself into.

Ready for the Weekend

I've been busy getting organized for the clinic. I've probably been busier than I need to be but that's just how I roll. I hitched up the trailer and brought it up to the barn to get it packed. I saw Irish watching me suspiciously over the fence. He's an old campaigner and knows that something is up. When he got a bath he was sure.  Carmen is gleaming and loving all the attention.

This is my redneck washstand. 

 The trailer is packed, the feed is measured and bagged. I'm sure that I have far more clothes then I will need. I'm feeling very ready for this clinic. Yesterday I rode Carmen out of the ring and all around with no ground person. Just by myself. And it felt great. We stopped at the garden and Ed fed her carrots that he pulled. She thought that was pretty cool. Royce came last night and we worked on trailer loading- not that she's difficult but on getting her to self-load.

And, Cynthia surprised me with these:

How stunning are these? My farm name is embroidered on the other side. 

I'm starting to feel like a dressage diva. I will update you on the clinic but it might be a few days. 

The Road to Happiness and Some Art

I've been working with Carmen pretty regularly but Royce hasn't been here since last Thursday.  It's been good for me to try to figure out what she needs. I've dealt with some issues and attitudes and have been feeling pretty positive. I've learned that Royce is right when he says 'you need to work that horse otherwise she gets her own ideas. All of our big spooks and disagreements have arisen when I've been wishy washy and letting her set the agenda.

I rode Carmen this morning and we had a couple issues, including one big spook that I still don't know why or how I stayed on. But I did and then I realized that I was not setting the agenda and that leads to Chaos. so I buckled up and things went so much better from there that I was thrilled.  I then did a short schooling session on Irish followed by a wee hack around the field.

Royce came back tonight and rode her. He showed me how he keeps the horse between the leg and hand. He uses her neck so that if she tries to root and get away she ends up fighting herself. I watched her go and how not one sour expression crossed her face. I then got on and we went to work. She tried a few spooks but Royce pointed out that she wasn't scared. I followed his instructions and then all arguments ceased. She was prompt off the leg and soft and supple. With every leg or rein aid she was responding and trying to figure out what I wanted. I love riding her when she's like this.

I told Royce I wanted to walk her down to the barn. We went the long way around the front field and then down the driveway, across the road and back up to the barn. Then around the barn and the garden to finish up behind the barn where I got off. She was so mellow and relaxed it was fabulous.

Royce summed it up when he said "I remember how unhappy this mare looked - she looked like she wanted to eat you up. Now she's listening and this makes her a happier horse. She doesn't need to worry about things and can let you be in charge without worrying. 

I came into the house exhausted and happy. Happiness earned by hard work and determination.

I'm excited for the Centred Riding clinic I'm going to this weekend. I even have my goals worked out- I want to work on not riding defensively when Carmen becomes upset or spooky because then my riding goes to shit. I echo her tension and the cycle doesn't end well.

Now about the art...
While I was riding Carmen this morning I had a very special delivery. I have been following this artist on FB- he lives near me and his work is brilliant. David Johnson does street art that is incredible:

What I love is his horse art. One day I shall save enough to have him do a portrait of my horses. 

However, he was having a sale of small prints and I had to have them. I was going to pick them up but his assistant was driving by so she dropped them off. It was good for Carmen to meet a new person while we were in the ring so there was a training bonus as well. 

See what I got- aren't they lovely! 

I plan to frame them but not sure if I want them on my wall at home or in my office.

Master Plan

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old but on building the new.  ~Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrier

The past few weeks have been very interesting. It seems that I am now at a point where I can look back and see where we've been. A few months ago and Carmen only had one answer when she was frightened or felt pressured- to spin and run away as fast as possible. I had inadvertently been influenced to back off and not stress her at all in order to be safe- I often felt like I was riding on eggshells.

Thanks to Royce I have  better understanding of her triggers and reasons. Also, thanks to Royce, I have tools to address this.

At this point, let me say that many of the things he has advised I have heard in different formats. But, because of where I am, there wasn't a chance to work steadily through things with Carmen. Essentially, I had a ton of puzzle pieces but no idea how they fit together.

Royce is clear that his is not the only way. He tells me that there are other ways to get where we're going but he has his ways and he asks that I stick with it- otherwise the horse will confused and it won't work. I agreed and I don't really deviate.

So here are some of the changes that I have seen in Carmen:

1. Barn Manners -  her barn manners were pretty good. But now they are way better. She stands ground tied and rarely moves (except when your friend is visiting and you want to show off). She stands there calmly. There is no pawing, no fidgeting, no signs of stress. She gives me her hoof and does not try to take it away. I tack her up and can drop her halter on the floor and she puts her head into her bridle.

2. Ground Manners- she leads, stops, turns, on a dime. When I go out into the field she doesn't walk away. Some of this is my energy - I'm less stressed about the whole thing it's showing.  I can groom her in the middle of the paddock and she enjoys it. If I go to Irish first she will slowly walk up and politely stand behind me. Waiting.

3. Mood- overall she seems happier and more content. She doesn't appear to be as worried or on edge these days. She's more affectionate with me. The other day as I was getting her bridle she took her head and snuggled it into my chest. I gently stroked her head for a few minutes and then we carried on. If something does startle her she calms down quickly.

Which brings me to...

4. Spooking- Now that I have a better sense of what makes her spook it's easier to deal with. Before it seemed to come from no where and was unpredictable. Saturday I was riding her and asking her to forward off of the leg. She was resisting and after giving her a chance I took my crop and gave her a good smack behind my leg while at the same time I gave the signal I wanted her to respond to and I made sure that I wasn't holding with the reins. She went forward as I asked but in my head I was thinking  spooking in 5-4-3-2-1...and there it is. I knew she would get tense because I was putting pressure on her. In the past her spooking resulted in me reducing the pressure. It's not that I wouldn't reduce it but asking her to go forward off of the leg seemed fair and not unreasonable. So as her head was coming up I simply sat in the saddle and laid the inside rein against her neck to form a wall. Sure enough she didn't get too big a jump and we carried on working. The spooks are getting less frequent. I doubt that they will completely disappear but I hope that with time it will be minimal and easily sorted because..

5.  Carmen has a new set of responses- Instead of just running away- Carmen has learned other options. even more importantly she has learned to look for those other answers when she's truly worried. Again on Saturday I was riding her up by troll corner and she was definitely worried. But she was listening and willing to go forward. Suddenly a small bird burst out of the brush and flew right by us. Carmen gave the biggest non-spook I've ever felt. I felt her body lurch sideways and then pop back like she was on a spring. She jigged in place and then planted all four feet. I was thrilled. In the past we would have been half-way to BC before I could say 'eep'. I gave her a ton of praise and pats to let her know that she did the right thing. I could feel her relax and take a breath.

6. I have tools- Not only do I have a better understanding of Carmen, I also have real, effective tools to use. I am still a bit clumsy at time and I have to think what to do in a particular circumstance. But the lag is getting less and sometimes not even there. Last week when I was riding it was going very badly. I could feel myself getting frustrated and Carmen's new found skills were falling off like autumn leaves. I stopped, took a deep breath and thought- you know what to do here. Just break it down into smaller steps for both of us.  So I did and it worked. A ride that would have ended badly before was redeemed. And not because I stopped asking her to work, but because I asked her work in a smarter way.

The past two days our rides have been good. She's getting less and less reactive to the ring. Both days I was able to drop the gate and walk down to the barn.

I need to keep working on my riding skills and I need to keep sticking to the plan.

Carmen has Visitors

Thanks for all the comments on my previous post. It seems that this has resonated with many people. Which is good- it's an issue that needs to be addressed. 

Friday was the first day of my vacation. Although technically it's my normal day off and vacation starts Monday but it's my vacation and I can choose when it starts. My plan is to ride every day at least once. Except for tuesday, when I have to go into the city. On Friday Carmen, Irish, Cynthia and I are headed to a Centred Riding Clinic. 

This morning I had a leisurely coffee (after feeding) and then headed out to get some chores done. It was promising to be very hot and humid. Around lunch time the saddle fitter came to check out Carmen's saddle. To be honest, even though I booked her I was having second thoughts- I have spent so much money lately I was feeling guilty. But I'm glad that I did because I was right- there were some issues. The gullet needed to go up a half size and some stuffing needed to be adjusted. 

The saddle fitter is also a friend (she owns the mare and stallion that were Steele's parents) and I enjoy talking to her. I was excited for her to see how far Carmen has come. Alas, Carmen took one look at this new stranger and went into self defence mode. I am not sure what was triggering it but she is very wary of new people.  We took her up to the ring so I could see how the changes work. It was great- I had been struggling with my position but with the adjustments I immediately was where I needed to be and felt much more balanced. 

Carmen however, was having none of it. She was resistant to move forward and began to spook. I know now that this is avoidance but I hadn't brought a crop up with me. I also hadn't started with ground work (although to be fair Royce was feeling that I could skip it at times). We got somewhere but, frankly, we looked terrible. 

I brought her to the centre of the ring and Rachael and I chatted. The saddle was deemed fine but we stayed. Gradually, Carmen began to sigh and chew and relax. I think that she realized that nothing was going to happen and she didn't need to be defensive. After about 10 minutes of this I hopped off and we headed back down. I'm hoping that this experience helps her to realize that she doesn't need to worry about everything.  She was like this with Royce too but he came into her world like a cannon ball and she had no choice. 

Earlier that day a person who used to board at the same place as me a few years ago sent me a text and asked if she could come over with her mare. She has a green mare who's a bit hot and is just down the road from me. I thought that it would be good for all of us. Plus it would allow me to start connecting with other horse people in the area. I don't need to have someone around all the time but it's nice to get together with others who share your passion. 

Hali'a is a roan QH (I think QH) who is a cute as a bug. I was interested to see how the two mares would be- if they would ramp each other up give that they both can be 'hot'. I was prepared to only do ground work if I had to. However, I figured this would be like a show warm up ring in that there will be strange horses. 

Aside from a few ear pinnings and throwing her haunches in the two were fine. Irish was beside himself- he had two mares all to himself, if only Cynthia would stop interfering with his flirting. However, he looked pretty good showing off. 

After a bit Carmen settled in and we were able to practice not only the spook corrections but actual moves like leg yields, turn on the haunches and shoulder in and haunches in. I figured that if she was going to throw her haunches in I should show her how to do it as gymnastic. This she was less sure of- as we went down the side she realized that she couldn't leap into the ring if she spooked. Which was great because then she stopped trying. 

"Look at us- we're DRESSAGING!" I yelled. 

We finished with simple changes and then the three of us stopped and chatted. Hali'a was so well behaved for being 4,  in a new place and barn. We put her in Irish's stall while we went and had a cold drink on the deck. We heard some squealing while sitting out there and headed to the barn- I saw Ed go in first (love his instincts). Irish was trying to flirt and Hali'a had her head out the side on the right and was getting annoyed. Of course she could have moved but, well, mares. Carmen was outside staying well out of it. I chased Irish out and shut Carmen's door. Of course then Hali'a was all upset at being alone. Again, mares- I hate you/don't leave me.  She did settle though pretty well. 

Hali'a on the right, Carmen on the left. 

cute kitty picture just because 

I enjoyed have the visitors. I'm thinking that it might be fun to do more of this. I was pleased with how Irish and Carmen behaved. 

Thoughts on Teaching and Learning

I had a different blog post planned- one about how what's going well with Carmen and what is a work in  progress but how thrilled I am that everything is going in the right direction.

That will have to wait.

Instead I want to have a little rant about coaching.

In the years I've spent riding I have taken too many lessons from a ton of different coaches that I can't even count them without my eyes starting to cross. Some were fabulous and helped me advance and others made me feel like the SPCA should be called the next time I climbed onto a horse's back.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately and some of them are about lessons/clinics in which the rider felt worse at the end then better. It upsets me when I read about someone who loves her horses and wants to do the very best she can ends up in tears because of the ego of the instructor. I am amazed at how some horse clinicians will treat their paying students in ways that they would never tolerate if the students were horses.

Here's what I've learned in my 50+ years on the planet:

1. There are stages of learning. I love the Gordon Institute model of the Four_stages_of_competence:

With Carmen I'm moving into the conscious competence phase for many things but  I still fall into the conscious incompetence at times. 

I have seen this in myself and in my professional work training families to facilitate their child's development and in training other professionals on how to work with families.   I know that the stage of Conscious Incompetence is when we are most vulnerable- we know that what we're doing isn't right and it's easy to be convinced that we suck and give up.

A good coach/teacher/instructor knows how to gauge where their student is in the process and figure out how to help them onto the next phase.

Telling all the other participants in a clinic that one student is doing it badly is not the way to do it.

2. Blaming the student is a cop out. If you think that the student is not trying-talk to them, see if you are correct or just leaping to a conclusion.  As soon as you go to the blame place you have stopped trying to figure it out and removed yourself from the team.

If a student is repeated 'failing' a test then it's your fault not theirs.

It's the same attitude we need to have with our horses. If a horse isn't getting it we need to stop and think about what is missing or going awry.

3. No one learns by being yelled at. Ever. They may do it, and it may succeed in the moment but no learning has occurred. If I point Carmen at a fence and beat her with a stick until she goes over it I doubt very much that she will learn to jump. She's very likely to learn that 'holy shit this is scary'

4. It's hard to be a clinician- rarely do you have a long term relationship with the student and so you need to go by what you are seeing in the moment. You can't assume that you know all that there is to know about the horse/rider relationship based on a limited exposure.

Some amazing clinicians I've worked with have been pretty good at analyzing what they see and, through some pointed questions, figure out the big picture.

5. If I end a lesson feeling worse about myself or my horse then that lesson was a failure and probably a waste of money.  I say probably because it may help me to think about what's going on and make some changes.  One of those changes may be to dump that instructor.

6. It's not helpful to be told to not do something. You need to be told what to do. We all have bad habits when we ride. However, I have never achieved success being told 'don't pull on your inside rein'. I have had success being told 'keep your inside rein quiet and bump with your inside calf to get the bend'. It sounds subtle but when ever I've been told to not do something I feel adrift and unsure of what to do.

7. Every lesson should end with a clear takeaway and a plan. I need to know what I will be working on on my own. An excellent plan is when I also have discussed what could go wrong and what I will do  to fix that.

8. As a student you need to be aware of how you learn and be honest with your instructor. You are paying them- that doesn't make them subservient but there's a relationship and you both need to contribute. It's okay to say 'I'm not comfortable with ...." that can lead to a discussion about what you need. A good coach will be open to that dialogue. Not endless dialogue mind you but there should be some.

Making a living in horses is hard and I know that not all horse trainers want to teach- they need to do it for the money. Some times it must be a real grind. But to be honest I don't care. If you decide that you need to teach (for whatever reason) then work to get better at it.

Where the Wild Things Are

The rainy weather broke today and the sun came out. When I came home from work Ed was starting supper.
I said 'Do I have time to ride before?
He replied 'no Can I help honey? Just leave me here to cook while you ride. ' But he had a smile on his face and I took off out to the barn.

Carmen was a bit put off that there was no supper- just a saddle and a hustle up to the ring. But she was with me 100% right from the beginning. Despite how blustery it was. Just before I went to get on Royce called. How's 6:30? He asked.
I'm just about to get on
Okay, you ride and then I'll come around and do some later. 
I hung up the phone.
Who was that?  Carmen asked suspiciously.
Oh nothing you need to worry about I said as I led her to the mounting block.

I got on and we went to work. And she was right with me. Even as I struggled to remember how to ride in my dressage saddle. Despite the wind that was blowing everything. She did all that I asked. If I didn't know better I would have thought that someone had given her a tranquilizer. It was like, after the rain experience nothing else was going to phase her.

I stopped after about 30 minutes and she was so very mellow it was kind of freaky.

tired pony is STARVING cannot.walk.one.more.step.

I gave them their food and quickly called Royce. I advised him to start without me if I didn't get there right away. I unloaded the feed from the truck and then went into the house and  gobbled supper down (it was delicious) and then ran back out. Royce wasn't there yet so I quickly dragged the ring (I like to drag it after the rain). I was hitching the muck cart up when he came. I quickly emptied it and then hurried into the barn. He had Carmen in the aisle. She looked at me Can you please explain to him that I have already worked and that he can go home now?
It will be fine I said  you'll see. 
I better get extra carrots for this! 

While they went up to the ring I began to  tack up Irish.

Oh, I get to play too? He was so excited to be joining us that it was kind of sweet. 

When I came up to the ring Royce and Carmen were having a grand time. He told me that she was being awesome. I rode Irish around and he was having a grand time. I could hear Royce whistling as he rode. Carmen had her ears up and they were playing around us. Good girl I heard him say. I heard that!  I yelled. He laughed at me. 

Next thing I know the gate is open and they are headed out. I called and asked him if he wanted us to go around the field and into the woods.  With that we headed out. Irish ears were up and he was quite perky. Let me lead the way, I know where we're going!  We headed around the field and then into the woods.

Carmen stayed behind us. We didn't go far in- I have to get to do some trimming, but the point wasn't how far- it was getting her to work and listen. There were a few discussions- the path is a stream when there's a lot of rain so there were some pools of water. She wanted to jump it and Royce wanted her to walk.

I turned Irish around so I could watch. He was a bit confused as to why we weren't going on our usual trail. As Royce and Carmen came down he started to head up into the woods. But it wasn't a good spot and he started to climb up on a boulder.
Um, what are you doing?
Taking us on a trail ride, you're doing it wrong. 
Can you get off of this boulder. We're not doing the full trail. 
What's the point of this? 
Training! 
Ohhh. 

We then turned around and Royce had Carmen lead us out of the woods and down along the fence line. He was explaining that because he tendency would be to jump towards the fence he keeps the rein against her left neck and slightly bent towards the fence. That way he can stop her before they wreck. We then went through the gate and down towards the manure pile. Carmen did not want to go through so he backed her a bit and then took her through. We played up and down this road and then headed back to the driveway. There's an old half-barrel there that the previous owners put their garbage in. Carmen thought it was quite spooky so Royce took some time and worked her by and towards it.

Irish and I stood and watched.
Irish: This is fascinating! 
Me: I know. She's doing so well. 

We then went up the driveway and Royce let her canter up and we cantered behind. Then down around the the other field and up to the ring. I was concerned that Irish might spook at the far end because the property owner was doing something with a machine but he was good. We went into the ring and he asked to canter right off and she did. We followed him in and then he dismounted and walked her down. I was lazy and rode Irish down. Royce was very happy with her- she was tight and it wouldn't have taken much to set her off in the woods but he rode her through it and she had a good experience. That's what will teach her to trust.

He looked so happy to be part of the training.

I hosed off both horses and then realized it was time for their night feeding. I cleaned up the barn, put stuff away, bedded them down and went into the house where I collapsed on the couch tired and happy.

I may need to sell a kidney but it's totally worth it.

Dancing in the Rain

Yesterday I rode Carmen with Cynthia and Irish. I was very happy with how well we did together. I'm starting to be able to use the tools Royce has given me without having that deadly 'stop and think' pause. It's not like there were no issues but I was able to deal with everything. And because I had tools I wasn't worried or tense so I wasn't buying into her tension and the cycle would end. Instead of having a tense ride with good moments, I had a good ride with tense moments. Slowly the balance is tipping towards a happy horse and rider. 

Today was misty and foggy when Royce called. While I waited for him to come I went and brought her in. She is quite easy to 'catch' these days. I spent some time grooming her and even braided her forelock. Not too long ago it took a while for her to 'consent' to me touching between her ears. When Royce arrived I was brushing her tail while she stood there with her head down.

Up in the ring she was fine. Just before I mounted it started to rain in ernest. Turns out, I've not ridden her in the rain before. It also turns out that she didn't appreciate the sound of the rain pounding on the leaves and grass. She was becoming quite ramped up. Royce asked if I wanted to continue or for him to get on. I decided that it made more sense - not so much that I was worried, but I knew that he could help her sooner.

Which is exactly what happened. When Carmen is worried she starts looking to fight.  It was neat to watch her go from seeking a battle to seeking to understand. In no time he had her listening and going everywhere. He hopped off and I hopped on.  We spent the rest of the time with Royce talking me through how to help Carmen stay focussed. I could barely see because of the rain on my glasses. It was also running down my neck. But we had a job to do and it was getting done. I don't actually mind the rain but obviously I've been avoiding it and didn't realize that it could be an issue.

We worked at a trot and then a canter. Where Carmen wanted to bulge in I tapped with my inside leg and made a wall with the inside rein. After a bit she stopped trying to jump in but then tried to race by. So I had to check her before the scary tree and keep her pace slower. Even if we broke gait, that was fine- just no racing.

We rested by walking the whole ring. I would give some rein and if she wandered in off the rail I just picked her up and brought her back. The idea was to allow her to make a mistake and then show her what I wanted. No holding, no punishment, just showing her what to do. Then when I rode down the quarter line she stayed perfectly straight between my legs and hands.

We finished by practicing some turn on the haunches. She has a much easier time going to the left then to the right so I had to figure out how to help her. A gentle tap with my left leg and a pulse with the rein so she didn't step forward helped a lot. We will practice it more. I was ready to be done.

When I let the horses out I grabbed a mix of carrot tops and overripe strawberries ( the local market saves those and gives them whoever asks for them). Irish saw me and started striding out
Irish: Come on, don't let her catch us.
Carmen: um, wait, I think she has those delicious greens and berries .
Irish: Hurry!
Carmen: you go ahead, I'll check it out.

I threw them over the fence and she dove in. Irish pretended that he preferred the grass.

Yesterday I tried to take some photos. But all the work I've been doing with Carmen on the ground (loose and on the lead) is making it difficult. She wants to check out what I'm doing and fogs up my lens.

I did manage to get her to canter but see her ear and shoulder?
She's cutting back to come in towards me and hang out

I found the poem- I'm not familiar with Holly Jamestone but I love her work so far.

Dance in the rain
With clouds at your heels
Rosebuds refreshed
The calming one feels

Life is the present
There's no need to wait
Throw back the shutters
And unlock the gate

Dance in the rain
As it cleanses the sky
No tears on sun's cheeks
And no need to cry

Life is what's happening
Through clouds or gray
Sunshine or snowflakes
They're all nature's way

Dance in the rain
It's all part of life
Let hope, your umbrella
Guide you through strife

Dance in the rain
And when clouds tend to loom
Welcome their darkness
Into the room

Life is for living
Through storms, joy and pain
Always remember to
DANCE IN THE RAIN

(7-2-2011)
©2012 All Rights Reserved 

Holly Jamestone

Keeping the Faith

After the intense ride a couple days ago Royce came out on Wednesday. He started by tacking her up and walking her around the field and up to the ring. This was new and Carmen was understandably tense. But well behaved.

Up in the ring Royce had me do some groundwork with her and then get on. We started with her 'following the rein' exercise. This means that when I ask her to turn with a direct rein she's to follow it until I ask her to do something else. This will help with steering, obviously, but also, if it's truly engrained if I'm ever in a bolting situation I can ask her to bend and she respond reflexively.

It's coming but not great (with me). But with his guidance and me truly understanding when she was blowing it off I could fix it. It's a hard exercise because sometimes the circles are so small that I get dizzy. I then asked her to move out of the middle. She determined that there was something spooky and flatly refused to go to the far end. Just like the other day only without the fear. My kicking was futile. So I spent the rest of the ride getting her to move off of my leg and then go forward. I was learning about moving her feet and getting her to move.

I was happy-ish with it but a bit frustrated. When will she stop this? How long can I last? I may have to sell a kidney to keep Royce on contract. 

When Royce was satisfied he got on and put her to work. She was much better for him. Of course. It makes sense. But it still bummed me out. He then had me tell her WHOA and bring her to a halt. We have to transfer the command to you.

He then had me open the gate and rode her out and down around the field. She was golden. I felt my heart lift a bit. He then rode her around the yard and I did some 'spooky' things and she stayed on task.

When Royce left he asked me to not ride her until he came back. I agreed. He's probably one of the few people that I obey without question. Yesterday it rained and frankly I was happy for a day off. I spent it thinking. I realized that while I was upset at her freezing I needed to see how far she's come. Before she would have spun and bolted. She knows she's not to do that now so she's trying to figure out what the answer is. The freezing makes sense. I felt better after that.

Royce came back today. And, you guys, it was unbelievably good. I started with the leading and groundwork exercises and she was right with me. I then got on and she was with me.
I did the 'follow the rein' and with minimal fuss she was with me.

Then Royce started walking right at us with real purpose and Carmen pinned her ears and tried to get away. It caught us both by surprise because Carmen likes Royce. If he ambled she was fine but when he strode towards her with tension she reacted. We stopped and talked about it.  We realized that she was showing us a bit more of her history. So we spent a few minutes with him striding around and me steering her around him and ignoring him. She settled when she realized that I was keeping her 'safe'.

I then asked her to go down to the far end that was causing the trouble. She froze and I moved her hind quarters and then side passed over. We repeated this again and again. Once she stopped and started to back. Royce said 'I'm going to throw some sand at her hind legs when you ask her to go forward'. He did that and she leapt forward. After one more there was no more backing away.

I found that I could direct all four corners of my horse and we could make transitions that were balanced and drama free. I could feel her actually yielding to me -not because I made her but because she wanted to. She didn't need to worry about stuff because I was in charge. She was in a great training level frame and accepting the contact.

Royce then stopped and we talked about how she was doing. I was thrilled. Can I ride her now?  he asked and I laughed and hopped off. He rode her for a bit and I realized that he loves riding her. She's stolen his heart I think.

He stopped and hopped off. She stood there looking relaxed and happy with herself. I walked her down and put her away. My heart was as light as a feather as I came into the house. Earlier I had prepared supper and left instructions for Ed so he could eat before I came in. He wasn't in the house so I started finishing supper. He came in and said What are you doing in here? 

We're all done. 
That didn't take long. 
I KNOW! 

As Royce said you just need to stick with the plan and believe it will work.

from last year. I obviously need to take some more photos

D'logging

Hi Folks,
d'Arcy here.

Lately this blog has been all about Carmen. There's been far too much equine angst and not enough canine calmness, if you get my drift. I decided that I needed to take things into my own paws and lighten up the mood around here. After all, it's Oakfield Farm, not Carmen-land.

I concur

Now everyone knows that Border Collies are the smartest dogs out there.

umm, excuse me? 

*ahem* who has the keyboard here?

Well, anyway, we love our humans but we know that they are not the sharpest knife in the drawer, am I right?

Like the other day, Mom was going out to work with that Carmen (when will she figure out that she's got it good here and get with the program?).

As usual, Belle and I were locked in the house. I'm not allowed up in the ring anymore. Mom says that it makes me sore because I run around too much. Which shows how little humans know- I run during the day and am sore at night.  There's no way that's related because it doesn't happen at the same time. But there's no explaining stuff to humans. They don't listen.

As I was saying, she left us in the house. But then I noticed that she hadn't put the cat gate across the door far enough (I've heard her call it a baby gate but that makes no sense- there are no babies here!). The gate keeps Belle and I from enjoying the food that the cat's leave. Which doesn't seem fair because the cats are welcome to eat any of the food that I leave (Belle: they can't have mine). 

The cat gate has left me just enough room to squeeze into the room. BONUS. I figure that a snack of cat food would take away the pain of rejection. I was just getting started when I heard the door open.

Oh oh. She forgot something (dogs never forget things. If we can't find the bones we buried that only is because we are just that good at hiding stuff).  I realized that I couldn't sneak out before she saw so I drew on my BC genius and hatched a brilliant plan.

Just as she was looking for me I let out my a small bark.
d'Arcy: help
Mom: d'Arcy? 
d'Arcy:  yes. I'm trapped! 
Mom: what are you doing in the room. 
d'Arcy: you locked me in here.
Mom: you're eating the cat food, aren't you? 
d'Arcy Nope. You totally trapped me in here. See- you don't even notice me anymore. you should feel bad about how you ignore me

And that, folks, is how I totally pulled the wool over her eyes.

Humans. You have to love them but it's a good thing that she has me around. No wonder people without dogs look so lost.

humans - they need us

Well That was...Intense

I feel that I should apologize about the frequency of my posting but it's a constantly shifting landscape these days.

So far each training session has brought Carmen along a bit farther. I'm enjoying the rides and I can see where we're going. After a 'free weekend' Royce came out last night. I had to take some time off in the afternoon because the farrier was coming. At that point I wasn't sure if Royce was coming so I decided to ride anyway. It went really well and I was happy with everything.

Then Royce phoned we set a time for that evening. While I waited for him I puttered in the barn and then pulled up a chair and enjoyed the peace and quiet of the barn. It's been really hot but there's usually a nice breeze blowing through and so it's often the nicest place to sit. When Royce arrived I described where we were and we discussed the plan- a ride in the ring, then I get on and then head out to the field.

Fast forward 3 hours and I walk into the house and collapse on the couch beside Ed.
Wow. That was a long time. You look exhausted.
I am. 
What happened? 

And I told him.

Royce did a bit of ground work and then got on. I could see that Carmen was not impressed with this idea of working twice in one day. She was giving him some attitude but he, as always, dealt with it very well. Finally he had her listening and moving off the leg without kicking. He got off and we changed to my saddle. I got on but her attention was riveted into the next field.

Royce directed me to walk forward and then side pass up towards C (also the end with Troll Corner). She flatly refused and became very agitated. I could feel her ramping up and nothing I did seem to help. With a great deal of assistance and battling we got her up towards C when she freaked and bolted. I asked her to whoa and she tried, she really did but she was too scared. We finally got her stopped (Royce was hanging on the reins). I took a deep breath.
Don't take this the wrong way... Royce began.
Nope, totally agree I said and hopped off.
We realized that this was not resistance, she was blowing (as horses that are truly frightened do). We believed that there were deer in the next field. Royce put his western saddle back on and mounted.

This is a good opportunity He said. She needs to learn to go ahead and work even when frightened. We haven't had a chance to help her figure this out yet. 

And I watched him go to work. To be honest I was worried for his safety. It was quite the show as he slowly worked on her learning to 'follow the rein'. Royce believes that she has never truly learned to give to the rein and so when she jumps and hits it she doesn't know what to do so she panics. That seems to describe what happens.

It took a long time. But Royce was able to get her up to that end of the ring and not by brutality but by timing and feel and a level of tenaciousness that was admirable. She was walking back and forth and while tense he could have her on a loose rein. I was glad that he got to experience what I have experienced at times but couldn't deal with. He was glad too.

He left to go home and ride. Yup. The man is nuts.

He also directed me to ride today. To be honest I was nervous but I did what I usually do when frightened by something- square my shoulders and go do it. I got her ready and did some ground work starting up a troll corner. She was definitely worried. Yesterday had confirmed that this area was not to be trusted. When I mounted I started with the activity of getting her to follow the rein. It was pretty clear from the beginning that any area from the centre line up to C was a danger zone. So I went down to A and did most of our work there gradually working our way up. I would go up and then back. All rest happened up there. In the end we were able to work our way up to half way between E and C. I took it. In amongst the 'stuff' I was able to get clear and sharp transitions and we even worked on lengthening and shortening trot strides. If I can get her into an activity like that then she forgets about the other stuff. For a little bit anyway.

I'm hoping that this is a 2 steps back scenario. Royce assures me that this is what she needs to work through and it will make her, in his words,  'solid'. I am so pissed at the people that gave her a horrible start and have this mare having to learn to trust at the age of 6. I am happy that her breeder was responsible and took her back to give her a chance. God knows where she would have ended up (like in Canada with some crazy chick who thinks she's worth the work).

maybe one day we'll be actual dance partners