Clinic Report Day 3: Mind Melding

My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts. ~ Commander Spock

Yes, I am using a Star Trek reference to illustrate this post. I'm a nerd, remember?

No one would be surprised to hear that I spent the rest of the day /evening/night reflecting on my rides and how to get my crap together.

I tend to be fairly logical and it was bugging me that she was throwing her haunches in again. I wasn't arguing that my hip was tight- I have bursitis in that hip and I spend a lot of time stretching it and I go to massage therapy to keep it loose. My thoughts were that Carmen should be well used to that by now. However, since I was sitting 'deeper' in the saddle maybe it was bugging her more. Which led to the thought that my hip is my hip and it may not ever be really good because of my physical limitations. I decided that I would broach this with Johanna on my sunday morning ride.

Over dinner my friend commented that I should be happy with my rides- that she had seen a change in Carmen's way of going and my riding since July (she was at the Centred Riding clinic with me). That made me feel good but something was still bugging me and I needed to let it percolate.

At 3 a.m. I woke up with theory. Of course.... I thought and then drifted back to sleep.

Sunday morning I arrived at the barn and Carmen called a greeting. I let her out while I cleaned her stall and hooked up the trailer. When I brought her back in I went into her stall to groom and spend some time with her. After I groomed her I stood beside her and rubbed her withers. She flapped her lip enjoying the scratch. I quietly and gently ran my hand down and under her belly. Her ears pinned and she snapped at the air (not at me at all). That was my confirmation- she was feeling ulcery. Which made sense- with the travel by herself, leaving Irish and then the new place were causing some stomach upset. Even though there were no outward signs of worry it obviously was affecting her. That explained the balking at going forward- it causes discomfort and she doesn't like that.

I took her outside to lunge and warm her up before my ride. She was completely tuned in. I decided that I would be better off letting her graze and get some roughage in her belly. So that's what I did- grazing as a warm up: it's now a thing.

now this is training I can get behind

When it was our time I came into the arena and mounted. When Johanna came in I started by explaining about my hip. She listened very carefully as I explained about my hip. 

Does it hurt?  she asked. 

'Yes'

'good'

I had to laugh because I know that wasn't what she meant- she explained that she meant that now that she knew that we could figure out how to work around it. I then explained about my thoughts that Carmen was having some stomach issues. Again she listened carefully and respected my thoughts. 

What do you want to do? 

I said that I was fine working at the walk and maybe trying some trot but I didn't want it to be worse for her. 

And that's we did. I had to work on my breathing again but this time I could feel it resonating with me and her. 

As she would stiffen I would breathe in and (try to) not tighten my body. As a result she walked around calmly and her ears were little satellite dishes going back and forth. 

We practiced Shoulder in some more- I realized the I was not asking for enough bend and that was setting us up to be wrong. I was to get the bend and then just let the shoulder in happen. 

ta dah

We tried a trot and, while Carmen did move forward she was chomping with her teeth. I stopped. I don't want to do this to her just for a lesson I said so we went back to walk.  

The goal was to have Carmen lengthen and shorten her stride. The first ask was a disaster. She thought that I was asking for a trot and reacted. You know I'm not asking for that, just walk okay? 

noooo, you're asking me to trot and it huuurtts, meanie! 

calm down 

Johanna had me take a deep breath and bring it down a notch. 

This time when you ask for her to take a longer stride don't do anything. No, that's not right. She stopped trying to figure out how to help me understand. 

Don't do any drastic I ventured helpfully. 

Yes. don't be drastic.  she agreed. 

So I'm walking along trying to figure out how to help Carmen take longer steps without getting her to overreact. What I did was centre myself in our walk rhythm and then visualized me taking longer strides in the the rhythm. And she followed my thoughts and took longer steps. 

That's it!  called Johanna. 

We did that a few rounds. I stopped by Johanna- which was Carmen's favourite place the whole session and that was adorable. 

I don't know what else we can work on Johanna said. 

And I completely agreed. 

Although I had a whole ride in walk it felt like we had made quite a few breakthroughs. Mainly- that was the first time I ever could ride her at the walk without her getting frazzled and wanting to spook at things. The next was learning to use my seat and breath in an effective manner. I felt so much better about everything. 

Going home Carmen had a second thought about getting on the trailer but walked right on on the second try. When I got home there was no one at home so I undid the butt bar and walked up to back her off (which is how I do it). At that point Irish screamed and she began to pul back before I could undo the trailer tie. It did what it's supposed to do- breakaway (love these trailer ties). Unfortunately I didn't let go of the lead line soon enough and got some major rope burns on both hands. As soon as she was off she stopped to graze. I picked up the lead line and we spent the next 10 minutes going on and off the trailer like a civilized equine. She resisted at first but I was firm. I was also completely calm and unflustered by this. After she had gone off and on a few times I brought her to the barn. 

It was good to be home.

Clinic Day 2: Awareness

I spent Friday night at the home of friends. They are generous with their hospitality and I always enjoy spending time with them. We don't chat often enough but it's nice to catch up when we do get together. My only complaint I have is that many of my horse friends live a long distance away. I slept very well that night and even had a kitty for company.

I was excited for my ride in the morning. It felt luxurious to sleep until 7 and let someone else feed my horse. Carmen seemed happy to see me- it was a beautiful September day- sunny but not hot.

Carmen was a bit girth when I tacked her up. I took her to the outside ring to lunge. She was looking around but listened to me fairly well. The outdoor ring had no fence but there were bushes in each corner. Carmen was quite suspicious of these.

At the start of our lesson Johanna asked if I had any questions. I didn't. She asked me what I wanted to work on and I said that I wanted to carry on with what we were doing and I really wanted to focus on getting my seat in the saddle and using it correctly. I started by walking her around and warming her up while Johanna was quiet and watched us.

I did my best to keep her listening and not worrying about the ring. The sun on the metal sides of the arena was causing it to expand and it was making noises.

looking out the door checking for trolls

A friend had my camera and was taking photos of us. To be honest I was really worried to look at them later- I hate photos of me riding. But to be honest although there were some where I look awful, overall I wasn't as awful as I thought. Except for here- what the heck am I doing?

perched seat, piano hands, could I look more awkward? 

You can tell by Carmen's expression that she is not so impressed either. Johanna was reminding me to breathe (honestly, how can that be so hard?). Johanna is what you would call a 'classical trainer'. Which means that she believes in working slowly, with the horse and that it must be harmonious. It can't be rushed. I cannot tell you how many times I heard the phrases 'calm your breathing.' 'ride with your seat' 'stop using your hands' 'soften your aids'

better. 

We were working on 10 metre circles and then shoulder in up the long side. I know how to ride a shoulder in.

Except I don't. It seems that I know how to use excessive amounts of tension with an over use of hand and leg to do an awkward shoulder in that was in no way acceptable. Johanna chewed me out for using my rein to pull her around on a 10 metre circle. She was right but I honestly didn't realize that I was doing it. I took a deep breath and focussed on using my seat and inside leg to get her to bend. Turns out that I really was not getting enough bend on my circle.

 Getting better with the bend.
And then there is was:

SHOULDER IN

with easy aids and no stress she did it. I actually laughed when we got it (dressage riders are the nerds of the horse world).

Then we tried to trot and the wheels came off- Carmen began to throw her haunches to the inside.  Johanna told me to stop doing what i was doing but I didn't know what I was doing so it was hard to stop. We talked about and I shared that I thought she was being resistant. My friend made the observation that I was tightening my left leg and hip (which you can see in the photo).

Add caption

I couldn't feel it. I dismounted and Johanna took Carmen for a walk. 

Carmen explaining her troubles to Johanna

She then got on and rode her for a bit at the walk (no photos because it's not fair to share photos of others without permission). Carmen was good and demonstrated lovely flexibility.  

I was disappointed- things had been going so well and then they were not. My fellow clinicians were very supportive and tried to get me to focus on the positives. I tried but inside I was not so thrilled. I wanted to do better than better.  

Not that I have achievement issues. Nope not me. 

That afternoon I had planned to ride again. I had brought with me a western saddle to try but unfortunately it didn't fit (back to the drawing board). But I put on my english tack and took her out. We lunged for  bit and then I got on. Let me sum up my ride- Carmen was spooky and bolted twice. Both times I managed to stop her and go back to work. I kept focussing on my seat and helping her relax. Finally she settled and listened to me. One cute thing- where the ring was not fenced I decided to walk her in and out of the ring. She was a little weirded out by that- in her mind there was a fence. But she trusted me enough to go in and out. 

I spent that evening thinking about what happened at the end of my lesson. I wasn't arguing that I was tensing but the truth is that I didn't think I was riding different then usual and I hadn't had that happen for a long time. Later that night (well around 3 a.m.) a theory started to form.

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Clinic Report Day 1: Keep it Simple

I've been away since Friday attending a clinic with Johanna Beattie Batista. I've had a few clinics with her since Carmen and I have started together. Right now my brain is so full that I'm not sure I'll be coherent.

But it's not sunday without a blog post so here goes.

Thursday I had one of the worst headaches I've had for a while. I managed to get everything ready but there was no way I could ride and I decided to forego tack cleaning. Friday my headache was gone but I had that post-headache hangover. I don't know what else to call them- my head doesn't ache but my head and my body feel beat up and out of it. I finished getting the trailer packed and then loaded Carmen. She walked right on with no fuss and we began our trip.

It's a 2 hour trailer drive to the location but it almost all highway and so we sailed along with no disruptions. Carmen unloaded easily. She hesitated a bit going into the barn but followed me along quietly. This was a big change- the last time we were there I needed help to get her to walk into the barn. I set her up in her stall and put my stuff away and then had lunch. Seriously- this was such a nice leisurely, stress-free clinic. I was riding at 3:30 so there was lots of time.

this is the view from the outdoor ring- this place is a jewel.
That's a golf course along the river. 

I was able to lunge and quietly walk Carmen around before the lesson started and I took full advantage of it. Johanna wanted to know my goals and I told her that I wanted to work on straightness and smooth transitions. I explained how Carmen gets crooked when she's tight- she calms when I can get her straight but she also fights that. Johanna advised me to ride her with lots of changes of direction when she gets crooked- do small circles, large circles and changes of rein. She then told me to go play with that.

I should explain that what Johanna does is explain something and then lets the rider try it out and see if they can figure it out. She will watch for a while and call out small adjustments (or large). I could feel it working- Carmen was getting straighter. Johanna then began to talk to me about keeping my brain clear and simple.

Apparently I think too much. Who knew? <-----sarcasm font

Seems that Carmen gets confused by all the thoughts roiling around my head. Of course she has lots too so the too of us can get ourselves in a mess. But, since I'm ,theoretically, the one who can consciously change it has to be (sometimes it's just not fair).

So my job was to ride Carmen, keeping my intent clear and not hold my breath. I worked on that and it really did work. Johanna pointed out that as I was doing that Carmen was no longer spooking and looking around. hmm.

Then we worked on getting my pelvis more engaged. I tend to ride with too much weight in the stirrups and not enough on my seat bones. I will blame my early hunter jumper training but I've been riding like this for years. Which makes it impossible really hard to change. I've been starting to get it on my own but in this lesson I could really feel it. All of sudden my seat bones were moving with the horse and I could feel her back through the saddle. And the transitions were soft and forward. It felt so cool.

Carmen was really tuned in and we were dancing around the ring. I would get it-lose it- get it but more and more it was starting to really sink in.

I asked for a canter and the wheels fell off the bus. She was very resistant about going into canter. We thought that with my deeper seat she wasn't sure how to carry me. We left it alone and finished up on a great note.

This is not a photo from that lesson- it's from the next day but I it shows how it felt to me.

trotting on sunshine :)

Snowflake

Snowflakes come in a variety of sizes and shapes. Complex shapes emerge as the flake moves through differing temperature and humidity regions, such that individual snowflakes are almost always unique in structure. ~Wikipedia~

Carmen is in heat. If memory serves there are two heats that are troublesome for her: the first one in spring and the last fall one.

She's hormonal and horny. Ask Irish if that makes her difficult and he'll back me up. Or at least back up so he's behind me.

Yesterday was warm and humid so I waited for after supper to ride. Poor Carmen was jumping out of her skin. I kept myself on track and tried to keep her with me. And she was trying bot OHMYGODTHERESSOMUCHTOLOOKAT!

She was experiencing all the emotions all at once.

I kept chipping away and we would settle and then unsettle.  Things that were unsettling included ( but were not limited to):
-asters. Those wee purple flowers WERE NOT THERE YESTERDAY
-the wheelbarrow. Sure, it's been there since May BUT NOW IT LOOKS DIFFERENT AND DID IT JUST MOVE?
-birds. I thinks she's hacked my Netflix account and has been watching Alfred Hitchcock movies.
- me patting her, stroking her etc.

And then a fire truck went by and set off its siren right as it passed the ring.

....
*crickets*
.....

No reaction. She didn't even blink.

So we carried on making what could only be considered circles and transitions if you didn't actually know what those were. We did our Spirograph circle thingy at E and as we approached the gate she came to a sudden stuttering stop.  Her eyes bugged out at - wait for it- two happy little weeds dancing in the sunshine by the gate.

I dropped the reins and let out a loud belly laugh. She flicked her ears back
What? They frightened me 
I laughed and snorted
All right. 
I kept laughing tears streaming
Ok ok, you made your point. 
Oh honey, you are a special little snowflake, aren't you? 
Is that an insult? 
Only if I drop the 'snow'
Humph 
T We finished our ride- sweaty and tired but with no real disasters. 

She is my own special snowflake and I bet you all are jealous

Perspective

I've been pretty busy lately- both at work and in my personal life. It seems that I consistently over-estimate how much time I have available. As a result I often end the weekend more tired than when I started.

Today it caught up with me. I was dragging from the minute I got out of bed. I know my body well enough to know that when I feel like this and I don't rest I will get sick. So today I decided to slow down. My kids came for lunch and I made a nice light lunch of potato and leek soup, cheese biscuits and blueberry pie. I would normally have rushed to ride before they came and then cooked. But this time I decided to wait.

In the end I didn't ride. Carmen seemed confused by this. Overtime I went outside I would catch her watching me quietly. When I was getting the stalls ready for the evening she came to the door and watched me for a bit. Then she quietly walked in and stood by me. She kept softly blowing on me and hanging out. When I blew back in her nostril and gave her a scratch she seemed satisfied.

Carmen and I have had a busy and intense few months. It seems like a good time to take some perspective. When I rode her on Saturday she was a lot more alert- it took a lot to keep her attention and she was quite 'flinchy' and tense. But we worked through it.

What I realized that I was classifying that as a 'bad ride'.  But a few months ago that would have been a good ride.  No bolting, we were in every part of the ring and finished on a good note.

I can now get reliable transitions and most of them are good. The straightness thing was driving me a bit nutty but up until last month I couldn't even begin to work on it. Now we can and it's improving.

 I am taking her out of the ring and into the big outdoors and no one is dying. I've not yet done it on my own but I'm making plans for others to take us out and into the trails.

I am no longer afraid that I'm going to be hurt riding. Even though I came off not that long ago, the fact that she stopped beside me and waited was huge. Because I'm not afraid I'm able to not enter into the drama.  And frankly, the drama feels more like habit and not true fear. As Cynthia said 'it's not that she won't run away but now she's trying to save you too'.

It's feeling more like a partnership. One in it's early stages but something to build on. She has a ton of talent for lightness and elevation. Now I need to help release it. We're heading to a clinic next weekend and I'm really looking forward to it.

I just have to make sure that I'm feeling well.

Speaking of Perspective:
this is Carmen in May 2015 (approx 2 months after she arrived here)

This is Carmen from July 2016: 

Also, her papers arrived in June -finally and after many frustrating interactions with USPRE. But thanks to her breeder I finally got her ownership card: 

Finding the Happy Medium

On my last post Linda commented that I had found the happy medium between too much control and being safe. I liked how she put it because it made sense to me- Carmen needs to feel support from me but doesn't like too much pressure. Sometimes she requires more pressure to make a point but it can't stay on. I have keeping the idea of a 'happy medium' in my mind for my rides.

On Thursday Carmen was fabulous. She was tuned in and listening and we were able to work on our straightness issue. I tend to sit too much to the left and Carmen tends to throw her haunches in going to the right. The problem with working on it is I can't trust how it feels- because it feels normal to ride over to the left and awkward to straighten up. I just keep correcting it. Carmen and I were having so much fun in the ride that Cynthia even asked if I had given her more of the 'chill' supplement (I hadn't).

Friday was beautiful September day- sunny but not too hot. In the afternoon it became quite windy and that's when Cynthia and I rode. Carmen was much more tense in the ring- wanting to look and freak out about all the wildly waving grass. This was a great time to practice getting the right amount of support. I realized that I wasn't worried about what she 'might do' at all. I was aware but not tight about it. Nor did I stare hard at the same things she was staring at. I would look and then carry on. She kept bulging in her shoulder along the tree side- more outside rein made it worse, with more inside rein and she very happily turned in away from it. My inside leg was getting too tight with trying to help her stay out on the circle.

She was getting tighter and tighter and the trot felt terrible- it was like riding in a wagon over a bumpy road. So I pushed her up into canter and let her reach out and work out some of her kinks. At first the canter was pretty awful- she was so balled up she couldn't go forward and even gave a couple grow hops. I put on my leg and let her have some rein and off we went. It took a good many minutes of canter before I felt her settle into work. With all the work that we've been doing over the summer she's very very fit. She can canter and trot forever and not be out of breath. Did I mention that there was also a helicopter flying around?

Finally she settled and we could work on straightness and suppleness. She was so tight I knew that I had to help her loosen up and now she was ready to tune in to me rather than argue. ( I was also happy that I never argued with her at all, and just stayed pretty calm).  I've been working on leg yields for a while. At the walk they are pretty good now- I can stop her from blowing through the outside shoulder and going crooked. At the trot they are good as long as it is a way she wants to go (like towards the gate). If she's not sure about the way we're going she will either speed up and/or refuse to move over.

Yesterday seemed like a good day to work on this- we started at the walk and when that was pretty good I asked her to trot. As soon as I asked her to move away from my leg she sped up. I realized that she was a bit confused as to what I wanted and I had to figure out how to help her figure it out. Opening the rein to the way I want to go didn't help- she hates that and ducks out. More leg made her go faster and get tight. I finally figured out the timing of inside leg, outside rein, half-halt, repeat. When necessary we dropped back to walk and finished the leg yield. What I didn't allow was for us to zoom to the far end without going sideways at least a few strides. Suddenly she seemed to get it and we were able to get some real trot leg yields (probably a 6 in a First Level test. She can do much better but we'll start there).

I also worked on the 'free walk on a long rein'- now that I feel okay giving her a free rein it was time to help her stretch out. This is fine along the rail but across the diagonal we look drunk.  The trick was to essentially point my pelvis where I wanted to go (say K) and then when the wondered off path give her a gentle bump with the legs. I Think Jane Savoie describes this as making a chute with your legs. I only used a rein aid when I had too. After a bit she figured it out. Interestingly enough she also stopped snatching at the rein.

All our rides with Cynthia end up in a small hack around the fields. This time we went the opposite way. Other then a bit of confusion when we passed the barn (why aren't you getting off), she was fine. Irish wanted to head into the woods so we followed. She was a bit concerned but not too bad. I haven't been brave enough to go on my own yet but I'm getting closer.

I was so happy with both of my last two rides. The first one because she was so calm and the second because she wasn't but we worked through it without too much drama. Earlier this year I had observed how much happier and calmer Carmen was in the barn. That disappeared under saddle but it's not starting to come there as well. I'm no longer feeling a complete lack of trust in me- instead she's tuning in and trying to figure stuff out.

Yay.

Plugged in

I tossed around lots of titles for this blog entry and in the end settled on this one because it seemed to be the most relevant to our ride today.

After our very busy weekend I gave Carmen two days off. It worked for me too because I two very long days at work. Yesterday I spent some time grooming her. Today I came home from work with the plan to ride. It's been very windy (what a surprise) so I had a bit of an expectation that she would be a bit more spooky.

In the barn she was very mellow and when I started with her bridle she reached down and picked up the bit. We walked to the ring and I tried to keep myself steady and calm. When we got there I saw that a big piece of paper had peeled off one of the sonotubes. This was a big deal last year. I walked up and picked it up. She gave a snort and then checked it out. I put it under a rock to anchor it outside the ring.

 After my work at my friend's place I realized that I needed to give her space and not try to hold her too much. This is incredibly difficult as I know how fast she can spin and leap.

As we started our warm up I made sure that my seat was engaged and helping to set the piece. I find this difficult (although it's getting easier)  because it requires balance and just the right amount of tension to follow and support. Gah. the more I ride the more I realize how freaking hard it is.

She was starting to repeat our usual warm up of 'I'll be nice for about 3 minutes and then find what's really scary and start to fixate on that. From there I start to fixate on it too and then we start to argue.

Nope. Not gonna buy into this. Not this time. 

I decided to not engage and rather then tighten her rein agains the next I held it there but she had room- this gave her nothing to fight. Well not much anyway.  She gave a couple scoots and I stayed focused on following her with my seat but restricting the fast, choppy movement.

And my god. It worked. And it worked at trot and canter. It wasn't magic but it was pretty darn close. the more tight she got the more I tried to keep my seat plugged in to the saddle and follow the movement. When ever she stretched into the contact and lifted her back I gave her rein and let her reach. When she tightened and hollowed I shortened the rein but kept my hands on her neck so that I could give her some room but not be left with no escape.

The other aspect was that I had to refuse to fixate on things that she decided were spooky. Instead I stayed on task and kept asking her to transition/bend/go forward- whatever it was that I wanted to work on. Again, magic. This helped to break the feedback loop that we have.

And what do you know- we were able to do honest-to-god back to front transitions instead of spazzing leaps and leg yields that felt like leg yields and not drunken staggers.

We worked our way down towards troll corner. She was tight but walked right into the corner, giving a sigh of relief when we passed it.
that's my girl, they will write songs of your bravery. Songs!
hmm, I detect sarcasm
Who me? 
Yes- EEEK!  we scooted forward.
Well maybe they will write silly songs
ha.ha.ha. 

possible trolls but checking with me as to what to do

We finished up on a good note and I dismounted.

I was happy that we had managed a stress free and confrontation free ride. Neither of us was freaked out or dripping in sweat. Instead, because I stayed plugged in I could get her to plug in too.