Finally Spring

 Spring in Nova Scotia is not for the faint hearted. The weather can veer wildly from sunshine to rain to hail to wind and possibly snow. Sometimes in the same day. 

despite this my magnolia is blooming

Last week I didn't ride at all. I can ride in wind, or wet or cold but when I get all 3 I bow out. It's just not fun. Friday was better. And by 'better' I mean when we wore our winter coats it felt okay. Julia rode Carmen and I worked with Quaid. Julia rode because she was taking my lesson slot on Saturday. Since she is riding Carmen we both felt it would be useful for both of them. 

It's not my place to recap someone else's lesson but it was great. I loved seeing someone else work through things with Carmen. Both of them were keen and there was some lovely work. 

Carmen: I hope you appreciate how great I was 

After Saturday the weather started trending in the right direction and now we're in shortsleeved. It's been interesting getting Quaid back to work. I have noticed that he has been more wary and less social than pre-injury. It's understandable, given all that he experienced. However, I don't need to keep that as permanent and I set out to bring him out of his shell. 

Nothing magic, just time and consistency. I have introducing more stuff and asking more with the aim of helping him figure out how to deal with pressure. 

I love how he's filling out again

While I was away it seemed like his legs sprouted and he became tall and lean. I actually doubled his feed and he's slowly filling out again. I measured him last week and he's almost 15.2 at the wither. 

I weaned them onto the back pasture and they are now there full days. In the past Irish would block the alley way to keep Carmen from going out for a few minutes. Now she's doing it to Quaid. Herd dynamics are interesting. 

He's been completely sound. The plate is still on to protect the soft spot on his hoof. I was worried but the farrier and vet both assure me that it's fine to leave it on. On Friday with the weather a balmy 20 degrees Julia and I worked the horses and then gave them a bath. Quaid was less certain about being bathed but tolerated it. When we let them in the field he ran out, rolled and leaped up bucking. This was followed by a good five minutes of him gambolling about the field while Carmen ate. It was adorable. I probably should have grabbed my phone to take a video but I was too busy enjoying him frolicking about. 

As we've been working he's becoming more out of his shell and more like his affectionate self. It's not perfect- he still wants to yank his hoof out of my hand when I'm working on it but it's improving. Both horses are signed up for an obstacle clinic in a couple weeks. It should be fun. My plan is to take him with Carmen and I when we show so he can hang out in the atmosphere without the pressure. 

I am looking forward to warmer weather and summer. 

Feelin' It

 Another post that proves I can overthink. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the concept of 'feel'. As horse people we all know and use this term. I'm starting to think that it's like many of those horse terms- like half-halt. 

According to the dictionary 'Feel' is defined as: "Feel means to be aware of a physical or emotional sensation. Feel is most often used as a verb, meaning to physically touch or grope something or to be conscious of something emotionally." 

When it comes to riding and horses there are many ways people define 'feel (random google results)': 

Feel' is the term used to describe the mysterious ability a good rider has when communicating with their horse. A rider with good feel knows exactly where their horse is at every moment. They sense their horse's balance, thoroughness, connection, and the acceptance of their leg, seat, and rein aids. (How To Dressage)

Feel is a commonly used term in the horse world. The idea of feeling for the subtleties in the horse's responses to our aids, along with skilled timing, is something that I believe differentiates between average riders and great horsemen. (Reimagine Horsemanship)

feel as an awareness of your horse and of yourself. It is making observations and reading the horse, but at a glance. Going further than reading the horse, feel is awareness of emotion, of tension, pressure, movement and what might be coming next.

from my Sunday lesson- trying to feel straightness

When we experience true feel, it’s not a cognitive process, it is a sense, a knowing. Feel is the unconscious mind at work, using prior learning to process information and make assumptions quickly. (Horse Class)

Honestly, it all sounds like magic. What has struck me about the idea of feel is that it evolves. I can remember lots of examples of a coach asking if I could feel something while riding (where my hip was, how my seat bones move).  I would definitely feel something but not always sure if that was the right thing. Later I would have an 'aha' moment when I realised that this was it. 

The is a definite physical component but also an emotional one. I have definitely tuned into Carmen's emotions but I tend to baby her too much. In my Sunday lesson Jane had us warm up with work, rather than baby her along. I was sure she would escalate with that but she didn't. Instead she started to relax into the work. 

feeling the outside rein for SI but not feeling that I'm 
too much on the inside rein. 

In terms of the physical aspect of feel we can tell a lot of things. But also need to recognise that our bodies lie to us all the time. 

More recently I have been working on keep my seat soft and relaxed in the saddle. I know that when I do I can keep her with me. But my default, when she tenses, is to tense as well which pops me out of the saddle. I don't think I really noticed it last year. Well I did, but not like now. My feel for that now is much better. I can actually feel my seat bones move separately. Next year it will probably be different. 

I also feel that I'm allowing her to stretch in her neck but when I watch the video I see that I am not giving her enough rein. Sigh.  

Half-pass, it felt good though

When I have my lessons, I have started asking Jane if I had something right or better. I do it so I can improve my feel but also so that when I look at the video again I can see it. while I believe that there are people with a natural feel, I also believe that it can only improve if we are consciously aware of what is happening. 

In terms of our canter work I am still working on keeping my seat soft in the saddle. As soon as I tighten I begin to bounce. So that's easy to feel. Not always easy to fix. But it's coming. One thing I struggle to feel is that my leg tends to go back. It's probably all linked to my tension. 

Proving that I'm not just cherry picking:
so much tension and my leg creeping back

better here (if you don't look at my creeping leg)

Jane is very good at finding words to help me improve my riding and my feel. Carmen is very good at letting me know when I get it wrong. 

It would be easy to think of 'feel' as a myth.  

Like the half-halt (ha! just kidding. I think).

I don't think that's it. We all have those moments in riding when things just click and it's magical. It's what gets me back in the saddle. I love that feeling. 

In other news someone else is also feeling really good. 

Seeing him carrying on like a young horse, building muscle and shine makes me feel so happy. 

Settling In

 Spring is slowly coming to Nova Scotia. The grass is greening up and the weather is warmer. I am impatient and want it to warm up more- it's still quite chilly. Even though I know it will also bring the black flies. There is grass coming into the front paddock that they are grazing on. But I still bring them out to the grass to acclimate before going into the back pasture. 

Carmen forgot that she had her turn and accused
me of playing favourites. 

I usually let them graze after a training session. I drop the lead rope and let them graze while I put things away. And yes, I let the rope drag around.  They both know to yield to the pressure so when they step on it, they move their move their feet and sort themselves out. Here's a video of Quaid dealing with the rope. 

I didn't just start them with a trailing rope. It all comes as a result of teaching them about yielding to pressure on the poll, having things around their legs etc. 

My rides on Carmen are going well. I'm feeling a lot more balanced this year. Which means I'm better at helping her find her balance. It's interesting with being retired and not having the pressure to fit training in around other responsibilities. I don't know that I'm riding more, time will tell on that, but I am enjoying not having to make choices about chores or riding. I also have been playing with the liberty with Carmen. She's quite smart about it all. I was playing with some of our toys: flag, tarp etc. She definitely remembered that going to the tarp means rest. 

Carmen: you can't bug me when I'm on home base!

I caught this cute little video when we were playing. You can see her trot to the tarp and then off to the plastic bag. Her look at the end kills me. 

Oh yeah, this mare is really spooky! 

Quaid is also doing well. He's been perfectly sound, which is such a relief. He's also been a bit sassy- which I attribute to the 'almost 3'. We have days where I wonder what I was thinking buying a 2 year old and others when I think I'm a genius who makes excellent decisions.  

I guess time will tell. 

she's getting whiter, I will miss her dark mane

Spring Check Up

 I have returned from a truly wonderful vacation. We started in Zurich and ended in Paris. 

As we travelled we made sure to find time to enjoy our time instead of rushing to see all the things.  I enjoyed it immensely. In Paris we headed off the tour and just went out to get lost. I loved it. I also found a tack shop in Paris and bought myself a lovely little purse. 

treating myself

After 12 wonderful days we were both happy to come home. I definitely missed my animals. Everyone seemed to be doing well without us.  I was ready to start enjoying my new freedom. 

must be official

I lunged Carmen for a couple days and then began riding. It felt good to get back in the saddle. I know it wasn't that long but it felt long. I even booked a lesson for Easter Monday. It was mostly walking but it was great to get started off on the right hoof. 

Carmen: how do I get in on this retirement thing?

You are probably thinking 'that's great Teresa, but how is Quaid?!'

Well, wonder no more. He's doing really well. He's out in the big paddock and is perfectly sound. While I was away I sent photos that Julia sent me to the vet college and they were advising. 

Today I had a vet appointment book for the spring check up and vaccinations. My farrier came to the appointment as well so that he and my vet could collaborate. Quaid was excellent for everything but wasn't too keen on us sedating him to take x-rays. I didn't have to do the x-rays but the vet recommended them and I felt it was good to have a look. The images were really good and showed everything healing as they should. 

The plan is to keep the medical plate in place for at least one more shoeing cycle. After that it will either go on or be replaced with a leather pad. Quaid was good for the shoeing (although he was still slightly drunk). Other than his feet he's in good shape. He's in a growth spurt and getting a little rib so I have increased his feed. The vet and I both agree that he's looking too immature to start under saddle, despite him turning 3 the end of May. I am fine to wait. I will re-evaluate later in the summer/fall.  But there's a lot we can do while we wait for his body to develop. 

drugged horse and his emotional support chicken

I am happy that everyone is doing well. Now to just stay on this trajectory. 

The Gratitude Post

 

The weather is starting to ease up and it feels like spring is on it's way. This morning I was cleaning the stalls, the sun was shining and the birds were chirping (the chickens were also squawking for their treats). I looked out at my two horses enjoying the sunshine and their morning hay and I felt a wave of immense gratitude wash over me.  

I don't usually do those '30 days of gratitude' or other challenges. I do, however, recognize how much I have to be grateful for in my life. 

First of all my friends. Everyone was incredibly supportive. Paula who travelled to the island with me twice. Julia who also travelled with me and also has been there to help with nearly every single bandage change. When she couldn't Tanya stepped in. Karen and Jim gave me and Paula/Julia a soft place to land in PEI. The food, company and support helped me when I was at my lowest. Other friends reached out, checked in  and offered support in so many ways. I love you all. Truly. On Sunday Julia and Tanya came out to change the hoof dressing because they are going to do it while I am away. I stood back and let them go at it. Then they worked out their schedule. As I listened to them talk I realized I didn't have to organize this- they had it covered. It was a huge relief. 

Other friends have reached out to me through all of this. I literally had more offers for help then I could accommodate (but if you're all available at hay time let me know, lol). Let's not forget Wade who helped me get my trailer on the road! My readers have been so encouraging, here and on fb. All of these positive messages have made a huge difference in keeping me optimistic. 

my dressing change basket o' goodies

 Back when Ed was recovering from heart surgery he received a fruit basket. He was going to throw out the basket but I grabbed it. It's great to hold the things we need for the dressing change and I don't have to put them on the floor of the barn. It's been incredibly handy.

The vets- I am sure that they have saved Quaid's life. I know it's their job but honestly, they did more than that- they talked to me, supported me and returned phone calls. I don't know if you are familiar with the 'Not One More Vet' movement, to help prevent the increase in suicide of vet professionals. I would recommend listening to this interview with Dr. Chris White on the Canada Horse Podcast. He is open and honest about the demands and the burnout on our equine vets (and non-equine as well).  When I was at the teaching hospital to pick up Quaid, the assistant was guarded when she gave me the bill. Like she expected me to rant. The surgeon also reviewed the costs and was almost apologetic. 

Look, I know it's expensive. I used to call Quaid my retirement horse. Now I call him my 'retirement savings horse'. X-ray, surgical suites and all those things are pricey.  The ultrasound the vet uses is the same cost as for humans.  As pet/horse owners we are incredibly needy and we can't always see how it's sucking the life out of the people we need the most. When I would on-board new grads to our organization I always had the 'burn out talk'. Basically I told them that the role of clients and their family were to support their person, not the clinician. Our profession is important but it can suck you dry if you let it. I told them to find what refills them in their off hours and to not get sucked into giving all their time to the job. 

funny cartoon to break up wall of text

I believe that my local vets and the college saved Quaid. I can't imagine what would have happened had his puncture and infection remained untreated. So I pay the bills and cut back elsewhere. I am so thankful to the vets I had. 

I sent a photo of Quaid's hoof from Sunday to the college. The vet called me back and said that it looked amazing. And that we can dispose of the duct tape boot and wraps and use dry gauze. This is so amazing and made me so happy I almost cried. It seems that he really is on the road to recovery. 

The last thing I'm grateful for is Ed (and my superior husband-picking skills). He has been beside me through all of this. Not once has he balked at the care or costs of anything (although I am sure he winced). Now that things have thawed, today he's going to scrape out the small turn out to cut down on the mud out there. He really doesn't like me posting things about him so I try to avoid it but he's getting a special shout out today. 

so grateful to see these two

This is my last post for a few weeks. But I will catch up on everything when we get back! 

Galloping Galoshes

 

As you can see Quaid is back home where he belongs. Paula and I drove up on Saturday and stayed at Karen and Jim's for the night. Once again we were treated to an incredible multi-course meal. The next morning we headed over the teaching hospital to meet with Quaid's care team and learn what to do. 

I'm going to show a photo of his hoof (sorry if you're squeamish). When this saga is behind us I am going to put all the info in one post- maybe it will be useful for someone. 

The surgery carved out the abscess and derided the coffin bone to healthy bone. 

This photo was sent by the farrier to my farrier the day
he put the shoe and plate on. 

 It seems huge but not as large as I was expecting. 

the medical plate

While I was being shown how to do this, Paula took a video. It's a good reference to have:

Once again, Quaid hopped on the trailer like it was no big deal and was great for the ride home. Carmen was happy to see him, until he breathed on her and then she was all 'I hate you'. Mares. 

The instructions are to remove the plate every 3-4 days, replace the old gauze with fresh soaked in diluted betadine.  Julia and I have done one change and the hoof was looking better already. I had so much in my head that I forgot to take a photo but will for the next change. The biggest danger right now is to keep water and dirt out of the open wound. The plate is not enough. The shoe is also wrapped in duct tape and vet wrap. 

It is, of course, the wettest time of year. 

fresh snow in March is pretty but it's pretty slushy.

Poor Quaid has been on some version of stall rest going on since February 3. For 2 he's handling it extremely well. Hell, he's handling it great for any aged horse. I hate keeping them in, I feel that they are happier when they can be outside. 

I had bought an Easy boot zip when this  all started and it seemed to work great. But I've only had it on him maybe 14 time and it completely disintegrated. 

10/10 don't recommend

I contacted Easy care inc and they said that it was not 'intended for this use' but acknowledged that it wasn't clear about that on the website (they have now changed their website).  But honestly, it's for horses, why would it be so fragile? Have they met horses? Anyway, on their recommendation I have contacted the vendor. I suspect that it's going to be fruitless and I will be out $115 (Canada pricing + shipping). *shrug*

There was too much snow for me to turn him out with a duct tape boot. I was worried that water would seep down. We had some nasty weather so both horses were in anyway while I figured out a solution. Which ended up being this: 

This boot is for soaking but I figured if it kept water in, it should keep water out. I drove to the tack shop in the city and picked it up to try. Do you remember wearing galoshes as a kid? Putting it on is like that. You wiggle it mostly on and then ask your horse to put his foot down to get it the rest of the way. It's pretty open at the top so I put a bell boot over top: 

It works, but I'm going to need a bigger bell boot. What is more money at this point anyway? 

Quaid is not in the larger paddock. I'm pretty sure if he runs around he's going to haul that boot off. So I have him in my small paddock right outside the barn. It's about 36 x36 (which, for the record, he was in with the easy boot too). It's enough to let him walk around and eat some hay. He can come in and out of the barn which he likes. Carmen is in the bigger paddock. So far it's all working. 

I just need to get him to the point of the hole being covered with fresh horn and then he can have more freedom. 

People ask me how he's doing and I always say the same: 'he's good right now'. I just can't let myself think that we're out of the woods. No matter what the vet says. I've been here twice before. I'm trying to be optimistic. Intellectually I know that we should be fine, this time we dealt with the underlying issue (infected bone). But emotionally I 'm not there yet. 

Just keep telling me it's all going to be fine. 

Let the Light In

There is a crack in everything, that's how 
the light gets in (Leonard Cohen)

 Things are beginning to look up. The vet has been calling me every day with updates:

Wednesday the X-Rays looked good and he was feeling good. 

Thursday the farrier came out and put on the shoe with the medical plate. He and my farrier have been in touch. They also began to reduce his pain meds. 

Friday (today) she called- he's doing great. They've stopped the pain meds and he can come home on Sunday! 

He'll need the dressing changed under the plate (about every 3 days) and some restricted turn out but that's all manageable. 

My friend Paula is coming over and we're heading over tomorrow to get him bright and early on Sunday. I really don't want to do a 5 1/2  hour drive, 1 hour at the vets and 5 1/2 hours home in one day. 

In other news: 

I was worried about Carmen being alone but she's been great. The first couple days I gave her trazodone but I weaned her off and she's being herself. A little lonely but not fretting. 

I've been beginning to celebrate my pending retirement. I've had a lunch and 2 dinners with various colleagues. It feels good to celebrate. I'm calling it the 'Teresa Farewell Tour'. 

I have worked with the best people.
Retirement is going to add 10 pounds I think

In a couple weeks Ed and I leave for a trip to Europe: Zurich to Paris on a river cruise. I am so excited. Even thought there's a lot I'll have to organise for Quaid, it feels like things are brighter. 

And in final, awesome news- my son is being posted back to Nova Scotia. We're all very excited.  Things are turning a corner. Finally.