Tales from the Coop

 I realise that I have been doing a lot of 'serious' posts lately. 

But we all know that life with animals is often absurd. 

Especially if you have chickens. 

if you look close you can see Willow keeping an eye 
on the hens on the driveway. She's a little afraid of them. 

I was so excited to add the hens to our farm and I have zero regrets. But they do add unexpected drama. This story is about Diana. She's a beautiful barnyard mix hen. Her eggs are delicious.  But she is what I would categorise at 'high maintenance. 

You see Diana becomes broody quite often.  When they first started to lay I put some fake eggs in the coop to encourage them lay in the brood boxes. Diana took all the fake eggs and stayed on them for a week until I took them from her.  In the summer she disappeared and we thought she had been taken by a fox or eagle. But then one day there she was. She had a nest somewhere but we couldn't find it and she would always disappear when we weren't looking. I finally stalked her one day (like literally- I hid behind bushes every time she turned around to look at me) and found her spot. I came back at night and gathered her up and put her in the coop. Fortunately I could do that before something found her and ate her. 

Beauty and attitude

She then moved herself to my hay pile. That was not such a big deal, I would find the eggs and take them to the house. The day I left to go to the Jane clinic I startled her and she flapped around the round bales. When we were having supper Ed texted that he couldn't find Diana. I told him to check the hay and he said her did. I had a funny feeling so when I came home I went out to the barn telling Ed I would text him if I needed help. He thought I was crazy (to be fair, he's not wrong). 

I shut the barn doors (so if she was there and I startled her she couldn't escape) and  went over the hay with my cell phone flashlight. After a few passes I found her- down on the barn floor in a small space between a round bale and the wall. And of course this was at the very back.  She couldn't get out of that space on her own so I texted Ed and he came out. 

We had two options: get the tractor and move 4/5 bales until we could get her or have Ed hold my legs while I tried to hang down and nab her.  

Guess which one we decided to try? 

Ed held my legs and I slipped down between the round bale and the wall. There was not a lot of room. 

Me: a little more. I've almost got her. 

At this point I am mostly head first in the hay but I was able to reach and scoop her into my hand. 

At this point Diana started screaming blue murder: 

Diana: EEK HEEEELP!!!! MURDER! HELP ME! I'M BEING MURDERED. MURDERRRRRRRRRR

Me: Okay pull me up. 

I felt Ed start to pull and then stop. uh oh. I was too far down and could not help him and he couldn't get a purchase to haul me up. 

I want you to picture this: Ed is holding the legs of a woman who is mostly headfirst in the hay holding a shrieking chicken. 

I was picturing myself slipping further down and having to be rescued. I mean can you even picture the 911 call? Hello, what is your emergency? 

My wife is stuck in the hay being savaged by a chicken and I can't get her out. 

Fortunately, I felt him suddenly stand up, hook my feet over his shoulders and back up hauling us up while I kept a firm grip on a squawking Diana. When we popped out we all sat there panting and staring at each other. 

help Diana squawked quietly. 

I handed Diana to Ed while I hopped down out of the hay. She quieted immediately. My saviour.  When I was on the ground he handed her back to me (we weren't taking a chance that she would flap off and land back where she started). Diana immediately began to shriek again. 

Oh shut it I muttered. And, with a baleful glance, she did. 

I put her in the coop and she gave me one last glare before leaping onto her perch. 

you're welcome I said as I shut the door. 

The horses were wildly entertained. 

Guinness and Willow think that hens
aren't worth the drama.