The Mushy Center

 It is ironic that in the winter bloggers write very little because very little is happening. In the warmer months, they also write less because they are very busy with all the things happening.  Or maybe that is just me.  Anyway, I am behind updating you on all that is happening with the horses. 

Carmen: you should go check that out Quaid. I'm 
right behind you. 

Last week I had two lessons with Jane. She's been very busy and, with one thing and another, I haven't had many lessons so far. Fortunately, she was able to accommodate me have back to back lessons on Quaid and Carmen on Friday the 16th.  Spoiler alert: both were excellent. It was a warm day with a mix of ominous clouds and blue sky. 

With Quaid, Jane was very pleased with our progress. She zeroed right in on me collapsing through the middle and not giving him enough support. In trying to be soft and fluid, I ended up collapsing my centre and not providing him enough stability to find his balance underneath of me. We did a lot of transitions at all three gaits and I was to be like a tree trunk not (my words not hers) 'a sack of mashed potatoes'. 

It was great to feel how stabilising myself allowed me to be clearer in my aids. Unfortunately, I had set the Pivo up wrong and I had zero video. You'll have to settle for this photo of a warm and tired Quaid: 

oh that face. 

Then it was Carmen's turn. And she came out loaded for bear. I was stupid, contact was stupid, half-halts were stupid and Jane could go to hell. Now, in all honesty, at some point every spring Carmen gets like this. What part is due to hormones and what part is due to being on grass I'm not sure. In previous years that usually meant spooks, spins,  bolts and generally intimidating behaviours. But I'm a better/stronger rider now so those I shut down pretty damn fast (the mantra's come in handy too). 

when the sky and the mare's mood match

Jane's approach was to keep my rein and half-halts and not let her pull the reins out of my hands or duck behind the contact. She told me don't try to make her light. Not because she didn't want Carmen to be light, (that is the ultimate goal) but because it was false. She wasn't taking the contact she was hiding and then couldn't really be in balance or on her hind legs.  I remember when I realised that a horse could be slow and behind the leg and also fast and behind the leg. I'm realising it's the same with contact. A horse can be heavy and not accepting contact, and light and not accepting contact. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone but me but there you have it.  

But it's a struggle for me. Because a heavy contact feels really wrong and like I'm being harsh. Yet when I looked at the video it didn't look like I was wrestling her or that she was in distress. Pissed, yes. Distressed, no. I was disappointed to see how collapsed I was in my middle so I've been trying to sit up better in my rides.  

This was a hard lesson. Physically I mean. I, again, found myself, collapsing through my middle and trying to hold with my hands. Which is not correct. I needed to take some firmness in my core and then I'm not just relying on my arms (hello centred riding).  It was also great timing for the lesson because it stopped me from backing off and instead we worked through it to have some really amazing work at the end.  Jane said that it was some of the best canter we have done. From there we worked on walk-canter-walk transitions that were actually half-decent.  And Carmen was no longer in a rage but actually working. 

leg actually reaching under and not just sprawling forward

I've been trying to get a video clip to upload but my iPhone is being really contrary so I gave up. Just trust me. It was great. Since those lessons, I've been trying to stay aware of what my core is doing and not let it be mushy. 

Karate Crone

 I've been pretty open on this blog about my fitness journey and how beneficial I've been finding it for my riding and for just feeling pretty good. I belong to the local Rec Centre and the membership is really inexpensive for what you get, especially for a seniors membership. We can skate (I don't skate), the pool and all the group fitness classes. 

This January there were some new classes to choose from. One of them was called Bodukan. When I read the description I realised it was a karate class.  I always wanted to try a martial art and since this was included I signed up.  I like trying new things and I have strong feelings that people (especially women) should have some self-defence.  (note: the karate is Goju Ryu which is a Okinawan traditional karate and not a sport). 

Here's a photo of Cordelia 'helping' me in the 
kitchen to break up the wall of text. 

So I totally expected to like it. What caught me off guard was how much I liked it. I bought a Gi (for a steal off of FB marketplace) and was excited for every class.  I think it has to do with how much I like to move and use my body. But I believe that the main reason is that I found it so relatable to horse riding. And I am not kidding. There are so many similarities between riding and karate. 

The Physical: 

It was very early in the classes when I began to hear things like 'keep your elbows at your sides'.  Other gems include: 

• breathe with everything. if you stop breathing it not only tires you out but it keeps you from thinking
• align your shoulders and your hips
• ground yourself physically
• You may need to be tight in one part of your body (e.g., arms) but you need to be relaxed in the others
• look up
• focus and don't get distracted by what others are doing (or not doing). Hello warm up ring! 
• Don't overthink. Let your body do what it knows
• Repetition is essential. Honestly, the first time our Sensei said this "I know we're doing things over and over but don't get frustrated. it's how we get better".  Me "repetition is my jam!"
• As you gain proficiency pay attention to the details. 

The Metaphysical: 

The philosophical overlap is somewhat scary: 

• everyone is on their own journey so don't compare
• we do the movements and katas striving for perfection knowing we won't every achieve it. 
• the learning is in the doing
• respect for your teachers and coaches
• no matter how advanced you are you will always practice the basics
• We don't train to start fights, we train to not lose 

Today I tested (successfully) for my yellow belt.  It is the first one but I am still quite proud of it. To pass you have to show what you have learned. Tell me if this sounds familiar: 

When it was my turn I went I into the middle of the Dojo, bowed to the Sensei. Then went through my chosen Kata, A kata  (in case you don't know) is a series of hits and blocks usually taking 1-2 minutes to complete.  You are judged on your accuracy and form. If you mess up the Sensei may stop you and have you start again or wait until you are done. When you are done you wait until (in this case) he acknowledges you and then you bow and leave. 

As I go up the levels it gets more complicated and harder.  I honestly don't know how far I'll get as a person starting karate at the age of 60! But I don't care. I'm really enjoying it and I made some friends too.  Our class is small and the core group consists of four older women and one woman's daughter.  We support and encourage each other. I also suspect that there's far more giggling than is typical in a dojo. 

The lesson I take from all of this is that things are more connected than they may first appear. I know that Mark Rashid talks about Akido and relates it to horsemanship. I think I'll do a deeper dive into his writings on that. And the other lesson is try something new because you never know what will resonate. 

Spring Maintenance

 Spring for horse owners is an expensive time. This year got a little extra expensive with my horse trailer needing some minor repairs and two new tires.  But now the horse's bus is as good as new. Which was good because this year I had to trailer the horses to their vet appointment.  With the vet shortage it was the only option if I wanted them to be seen before the end of June.  The downside was that I had to miss a clinic that was (of course) on the same day. 

Carmen: well this is new
Quaid: where are my snacks? 

It wasn't too bad really. The horses self-loaded and the ride was pretty easy. I'm glad I went when I did because they both had some sharp edges that needed to be treated. Quaid also had a wolf tooth that she popped out pretty easily. 

So stoned post dental work

I noticed he's much less fussy in the mouth since it was done. He did react to the vaccines again but much less than last year. Just a little off his feed the next day. I gave him some banamine and he was okay by the day after. I'm hoping that as he ages his reaction will get a lot less. Carmen, of course, reacted to nothing and was herself the next day. 

I've been able to ride pretty steadily over the past few weeks and I'm seeing some real changes.  Quaid is better every ride and his canter is getting easier. There's no shenanigans in picking it up but he still struggles a little with balance and maintaining a steady rhythm. All of which makes sense. What I am loving is that he tries so hard to do what I ask. I'm not getting any of the questions or balking I had before. 

Carmen is doing really well in lots of ways too. I've been honing in on our half-halts these days. She has a habit of simply bearing down and powering through them, especially at a canter. I've been trying to keep my plan and be really clear with my ask. If she blows through my half-halt I will put her in a 10 metre circle, rebalance and carry on. This is working and I'll be curious to get Jane's input when I have a lesson later this week.  I realised that I have let he blow off the half-halts for a long time so now I need to go back and fix my mistake. But when she does come back and rebalance I can feel everything shift to her hind leg. 

Honestly, riding is a series of doing the thing, then realising that you should have been doing it differently/better/more consistently and then doing that. Until you get the next bit of learning. Or maybe that's just me... 

Steady Eddy

 It seems that Spring has decided to stick around and that's it made it much easier to be consistent in training.  At first it was  exhausting keeping two horses in work. But it feels like I've found a rhythm with it. I ride both of them 3-4 days a week and other days just one horse. I do try to take one day off.  Those days in the gym have really paid off.  

with spring starts the weaning onto the back pasture. 

I've been tackling my goals and working towards getting ready for our first show. Earlier this week I sent in the entries for the first show. *gulp*  I signed Quaid up for Training Level 1 and 2. Carmen will be doing 2nd level again. I'm hoping by the end of this year we'll be ready to move up. 

With my last lesson on Quaid showing me how tentative I'm being with him I've been trying to improve that. Rather than canter being a big thing I've been working on it being no big deal.  To do that I've been asking for it early in our ride as part of the warm up. The first time I did it the left went fine but the right was a struggle. He showed some signs of wanting to bounce, rather than pull on the reins I sat up and urged him forward. I even gave him a tap with the whip.  Now each time it's better and not so emotional.  I'm trying to keep my arms steady and stay balanced in the tack. Not that I'm perfect, heaven knows. 

That dot is Cordelia lounging about 
while we work

What is really striking to me is how steady he's being with me. Even when things don't go as planned.  Earlier this week I was riding Quaid and was trying to decide if we were done. Then I heard a rumble in the field next door and a young person riding a lawn mower popped up over the hill in the field next door. We looked and she waved at us. Quaid was curious but fine so I decided that it was a good time to finish.  When we were walking back in the barn a barn swallow dive bombed him and he jumped 10 feet. 

That's when I realised that he's much more confident being ridden. I'm assuming that it's because of all the work that's been done, starting with the early work I did, then the training Mike and Nikki did last year and then what I've done (with so much support from Jane) over the past year. When he spooks he's asking for direction, not looking to escape. When I can answer his question of 'what do I do?!' he takes a deep breath and carries on.  

Today when I was riding we were doing really well.  At the beginning I realised I had brought up Carmen's bridle instead of his. I left him unhaltered and ran down to get his bridle. I was sure he'd wander to eat the grass in the ring. But he never moved. 

Quaid: is this a test or did you just 
abandon me? 

 I was working through some of the TL test: 20 m circle at A picking up the canter the first quarter of the circle and then going down the long side.  The first time was not that great but he really tried. By the third try it was much better so I let it be and we went on to do other work.  Near the end I decided to do some walk work as part of our cool down.  We've been doing leg yields so this time I decided to play with that a bit. We walked down the rail and I asked him to bend to the outside and leg yield in a few steps and then switch bend and leg yield back. 

As always, the first time he was like wait, what? I'm pretty sure that this is wrong.  Fortunately, unlike Carmen when he doesn't understand he doesn't get annoyed, just curious. Then after a couple tries he understood and it was felt pretty good. So then I wanted to work on shoulder fore. It feels pretty easy with him TBH. Then he began to be distracted and acting worried about the brush. I figured it was the birds fluttering about and that he was getting tired so more easily distracted.  Then he began to balk at going forward. So I made sure I had the outside rein consistent and my inside leg on. 

Then suddenly a cat came streaking from behind him with Cordelia hot on its heels! Not one of my cats but a neighbour cat that's been hanging around. Why it came so close with Cordelia there I don't understand.  But anyway...  As the cat and Cordelia went streaking by us (pretty much under his head) we came to a screeching halt. The cat disappeared into the brush and Quaid stood there stock still with huge eyes I TOLD YOU THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE! 

 I was busy calling Cordelia and then I realised that Quaid hadn't moved a muscle. I quickly hopped off because I was worried Cordelia would run onto the road.  I was trying to figure out if I should leave Quaid to follow when she came bounding back looking very proud of herself I chased off the intruder! I'm the best dog ever! 

I was super impressed with how Quaid handled the ruckus. It would have been completely understandable if he had taken off but instead he waited for direction.  I have zero idea if we'll be 'show ready' but if I keep riding we'll be okay. 

'Ride Like it's October' Lesson Recap

 The weather finally seems to be getting better which has lead to more consistent riding. So yay. But it's still been chilly until very recently.  On Friday I had a lesson booked in the afternoon and it was Quaid's turn.  I was really looking forward to having input on us and it did not disappoint. 

sorry for the picture quality the sun was off to the right

Jane had us walk and honed right in on my right leg being too far forward. It felt really weird to move it back. Then she was correcting my rein aids because I was giving and taking too much with my arms rather than following with my elbows.  I've been really struggling with this, I tend to take more with hands and bend the wrist. Or tighten my hands into fists. But it's not like I was all terrible. Quaid feels a lot more steady this year and Jane commented that his trot is way better.  Our steering is also much better.  

Quaid is not steady in the contact and, not surprisingly, takes exception to me holding him. But he also has a habit of pulling the reins out even when I'm not being hard.  Turns out that the answer is to absorb the movement in my elbows. I definitely didn't really get it during the lesson but I was really trying. 

at least our halts are square. And look how fuzzy he still is! 

trotting into contact

For the transitions I was to make sure that the contact was consistent on the outside rein throughout the transition. If he ducked behind the contact I was to follow with my elbows but not let him think the contact was to be avoided, rather he needs to learn to go to it and I need to make sure that it's a steady contact not hard.  

I had told Jane that we were just starting to canter this year.  And of course you know that she was going to put us through our paces.  

there was some nice moments 

and some feelings

 As we went along Quaid was getting frustrated and there were a few things going on. One was he wanted to have his head free to drop it and buck a little (in a playful way not a 'get off' way) and was getting pissed that I wasn't letting him.  The other was that I was riding too stiff in my hips/legs.  Jane told me to 'ride him like he's a broke horse. Ride him like it's October, not April'.  Funny how riding with expectations really help. 

I had to give him a few days off after the lesson between weather and family easter events.  Tuesday I tacked him up but first I lunged him in side reins. I thought that they might help him understand contact without the added randomness of my interference.  Being on the ground and helping him to go forward to the contact seemed to make a huge difference and I could see the penny drop. Especially at the trot-canter transition. When I rode I really tried to shift my focus and feel with my elbows not my hands. I have no idea if I can explain it correctly, but it felt like when I shifted to keeping a consistent feel in my elbows my hands were softer and I could maintain the contact way better.  So I guess the penny dropped for me too. 

Today it was even better and I was able to do multiple transitions without any fussiness with his head. And he went to canter from trot without feeling the need to pop up behind.  

I used to think that riding training level (which is where we are, albeit barely) was boring. Now I find it so fascinating because Quaid is so honest. It is such a privilege to bring along a young horse and help them figure it out. 

My goal is to have weekly lessons, alternating between Quaid and Carmen. So far the 'weekly' part hasn't been happening but we'll keep trying. 

Quaid: "I'm such a genius. I deserve all the cookies"

On-Again/ Off-Again

 When I returned from my vacation things were melted and I was excited to get started.  I had a plan for gradually building up the horses' fitness. I am well aware that Carmen is 15 this year (like how?!) and I need to make sure that I don't over stress her joints. Same for Quaid but because he's 5. 

Unfortunately, the weather has been a major obstacle. It's been a cold and wet spring. But I was doing okay, getting enough rides in to feel we were moving forward, even if at a glacial pace. Glacial being the right word because sunny and warm days were very rare. And 'warm' was just by comparison.  I did manage to get a ride in on Saturday April 6 on Quaid and Monday on Carmen.  

Then it snowed. And a fair amount of snow.  It lasted a couple days and then I got sick. Sigh. 

just ugh. 

 By the weekend I was feeling better but the weather rainy.  On one of the rainy days neighbours started to burn some stuff in the yard and it really freaked out the horses. I needed to get Ed to help me with them because they were acting panicked a wild. It was weird because Ed has had a fire and they never reacted. But no one has been on that property for years so I suspect it was the novelty and smoke freaking them out. Quaid stayed agitated for a couple days which might be related to his ride last year where the truck caught fire. 

That meant it was Monday this week before I could even consider riding. The weather was cold and windy but not rain (or snow, ugh) and I was determined to work both of them. I figured that, between the weather, activity next door and a week break,  both would be excited. I dragged the ring and Carmen watched me closely. When I was almost done she found a muddy patch (not hard to find) and had a lovely roll. She shook after and looked at me smugly. 

double ugh. 

 I decided to ride Carmen first with the idea that she'd settle pretty quickly. Turns out I was wrong on that. Despite being out of shape she was lit and was a fire breathing dragon. Not over the neighbours, just life in general. I was pleased that I never got flustered or tight, I just kept riding and we ended on a good note.   I kept my focus on rhythm and bend and didn't buy into her assertions that she couldn't go there or over there or how about here. She was sweaty at the end but, honestly, that was her choice. 

I put her back out (to roll yet again) and got Quaid ready. I tacked him up but was thinking we might just be lunging to help him get over his worries about next door.  But after a few minutes he settled right in to the work. Even when we heard voices from over the field. He looked and then carried on.  I kept the ride short but there was nothing to worry about. 

I rode him again today. This time I rode him a bit longer and he had some feelings about that. And by  feelings I mean a little grumpy and then settled back to work. His trot is nice and forward this year. We actually did our first wee canter of the year. I've been working it on the lunge - getting him to pick it up and drop to trot softly and with little drama. And that was just want our canter depart was. It felt nice and balanced too which wasn't the case last year. 

the best mule

 Later this morning the saddle fitter came out and adjusted his saddle with a bigger gullet. He got a little bored in the cross ties and lifted his front leg to stamp or paw. I looked at him uh-uh I said. He froze with his leg up and then quietly put it back down. I had to laugh. 

I'm so impressed with him this year.  Quaid is going to be 5 the end of May and he's behaving so grown up.  I can imagine how it will go when we can work with some consistency. 

his 'can I have a cookie' face

Musing on Mantras

 Over the winter Jane hosted a series of monthly video meetings with her students. They were a great way to connect and learn, especially for those of us unable to ride in the winter. Surprisingly, a  lot of the sessions were not on riding skills but more on the mental skills that are necessary when you are riding a 1,000 + pounds of prey animal. Jane shared a lot about dealing with fear and a lack of confidence. Not surprisingly, a lot of riders suffer from imposter syndrome or just a general lack of faith in our own abilities. Especially in high pressure situations, like a public clinic or show. 

Carmen was happy to see me (or the hay bag). 
Best not to think about it too much. 

Of course one way to prevent anxiety in these situations is to simply not participate.  I, for one, fully respect anyone's decision to not show. There are a lot of good reasons not to and, to me, it really is a personal choice. I choose to show right now because I get a lot of benefit from it (spoiler, it's not the ribbons that I spent a a few hundred dollars to win either). 

 But I don't want to get onto the show/don't show tangent because that is not the point of this post. Whoops. 

Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh, yes, the sessions with Jane. In one of them she talked about negative self-talk and how destructive it is. We all do it, 'why can't I do X?' "I'm a terrible rider' and 'I don't deserve my horse' etc. 

Funnily enough these thoughts are not helpful. They don't inspire us to to do better, they simply make us frustrated. And, as my friend Tanya says, 'when you're really frustrated you become unteachable.' And none of us want to that. 

here's a truly adorable moment between
Cordelia and Raven to break up the text wall

Jane suggested (strongly) that we all develop personal mantras, or affirmations if you prefer. They were to be short, positive and lead to growth. They were not to be wishy-washy or hopeful. For example, instead of 'I will try to sit the canter' it would be 'I know how to sit the canter'. I don't know if that is the best example but you get the idea. Once we had a few, we were to repeat them everyday. 

To be completely honest (and I try to be in this blog), I was a little sceptical about this making a difference. Okay, maybe more than a little. So I put off doing it. But my thoughts kept coming back to it so I began to work on ones for me. I based them off my biggest worries that I have in riding: that I am not competent and that I am ineffective in redirecting my horse when she (because let's face it, it's mostly Carmen) is dedicated to a behaviour. 

Let me give some examples. At one horse show, years ago, Carmen had a total melt down and I had to scratch mid-test. I was really upset. When I went to pick up my test sheet the person in the office a woman in there said 'you know if you would just be relaxed she would be too'.  It devastated me, even though I knew that this woman had zero idea of what I was dealing with back then. But it hit the core fear I have of being incompetent.  The other one is that Carmen can get pretty wedded to a particular behaviour (like spooking) and even if I could get her by whatever, it was always pretty shitty. Jane would say something like 'bend her' and I would answer ' I'm trying' and nothing changed. Because in my heart I didn't believe I could make a difference. 

honestly, I should have just relaxed here as she bolted
around the ring and it would have been fine.....

After doing some noodling I arrived at three statements: 

1. I am a competent rider

2. I have the skills I need to ride effectively

3. I wear the crown (in other words I get to decide things and not Carmen or Quaid) 

We were to repeat them to ourselves several times a day. 

Full confession- I did not do that. But I did repeat them often. 

And guess what? They worked. When I'm riding and things get a little iffy, like say Carmen acting like she's going to spook in a corner, I tell myself 'I am a competent rider. What would a competent rider do here?' And I do that thing.  And it works. Mostly my advice to me is 'take a feel of the outside rein and put on the inside leg'. Which is pretty basic riding stuff. But then my tension melts and I can be soft and, to my shock, Carmen breathes out and carries on. And, even if she does spook, we recover really quickly. I also use 'what would Jane do? (or WWJD) and that works really well too. 

When Quaid gets a little fussy about going forward I begin to think I'm ruining my baby horse I tell myself that I have the skills I need and I ride forward.  And when either (although it's mostly Carmen right now) begins to get strong and take over I remind myself that there's only one crown and I wear it. 

Quaid or mule. Hard to tell. 

I was surprised at how well they worked. But I'm not going to argue with the success. 

If you had a mantra/personal affirmation what would it be?