First of all I want to thank all of you who reached out to provide support.
And the reality check that things cannot always be unicorns and rainbows.
I've been riding since my last post and also, some days, just lunging. Goals for the rides have largely been:
1. working towards helping her relax while not backing down from my ask. Which is what I used to do. I would assume I was doing it 'wrong' and maybe I was but really it just taught her to be escalate (not that i did that all the time but should we talk about intermittent reinforcement schedules? Nah, let's just say we did).
2. Being careful with my aids so that I reward when she responds and that I don't nag with my aids or hang with my hands.
3. oh yeah, and work on adjustability in her stride and transitions off my seat. You know, dressage sutff.
And it seems to be working. I am very black and white- this is acceptable. this is not. Some rides it takes a long time for to sigh and then just relax into the work. There is a lot of praise for that. Yesterday she was cranky from the get go and really wanted to hang on the rein and pull me along. We did a lot of 'follow the rein' and 'no, I'm not going to fight'. It becomes like a switch- one minute she's rampaging around and the next minute she gives this big sigh, drops her head and everything relaxes.
turns out you can order this on Amazon. Or buy it life size like I did.....
Sigh. Mares are hard.
The key is very similar to raising teenage girls. Don't get sucked into the drama and do not agree that that bush is highly suspicious. Stay calm and relaxed. Which is easy to say but harder when you are riding 1100+ pounds of mare who's telegraphing that she's about to launch into the next county. But doing so keeps the pot on a simmer and not a roiling boil. And training is often just putting in the miles and on task.
Today I rode and she started tight but was trying really hard to listen. We had some great work at teh walk so we headed out to hack. At first she was tight again but soon was on the buckle. Of course Irish led the whole way. For those who think I should hack more, I'd love to but I only do it with someone. I don't have wide open spaces to deal with a bolt- instead I would be in a tree or down a gully and I don't fancy that.
I think I just need to persevere. I suspect hormones are causing some problems. I don't think it's ulcers because A. I work hard on prevention and B. she gets better in the ride not worse.
Starting tomorrow I'm on 2 weeks vacation which will be wonderful. I am headed off to a trail clinic this weekend and I'm looking forward to getting Mike and Nikki's perspective too.
I know that it's been a long time since I posted. To be honest, like many of you, I am in a bit of a funk. Partly it's simply 2020. The other part has been that there has been a regression in Carmen's behaviour. I wasn't feeling up to writing about it because you will all think I suck. But what's the point of a blog if I can't be honest? So here goes.
She's been quite difficult to ride and we've had a few 'come to jesus' moments.
It's not been fun.
As always, with horses it's a struggle to figure out if something is physical or behavioural. I began her on ulcer meds but it really didn't seem to make a difference.
I won't bore you with details of all my rides. Roughly they consist of good moments with bits that are total shit shows: retracted neck, tight body often followed by a spin and bolt. Or balking with threats to run backwards or go up. Note: Carmen has never reared on me. She has felt light in front and I've reached forward and bopped her on her poll which put the end to that.
After a particularly frustrating ride I was pretty bummed. I did some deep thinking and I realized that I was giving Carmen power over my emotions. I wouldn't let anyone else dictate my feelings in that way. I knew that I couldn't let that continue or else we would continue in our downward spiral. Also, there has also been lots of good things in our training and I can't just focus on the negative (which is totally against my goals).
I took a step back and began to spend some time grooming her. She responded well to that so there may be a bit of pressure related. It is possible that I was focussing too much on work and not enough on relationship stuff.
the weather is getting warm so I braid her mane to help keep her cool
Shanea wanted me to try lunging her in side reins. I had been resistant because it's easy to teach a horse to lean. But what she wanted to do was to get Carmen to learn to reach for the bit without a person on her back. I tried it during a lesson so that Shanea could help me. What we realized was that as soon as the side reins went on Carmen became tight and defensive. Which makes me wonder if she had them in the past. However, we kept them quite long and with some work she began to reach for the bit.
in side reins- see the umbrella? Shanea brought it for sun shade and it caused a kerfuffle. So we did some work with it.
within 5 minutes she went from bolting to being bored with the whole thing. That is one thing I know how to do with her.
The lesson was useful because Shanea was able to see the groundwork I do and how calm Carmen is before I get on. At a spot that was perfectly fine on the ground she flatly refused to go by. I had to get quite harsh with her - pressure on until I felt her think forward and then take it off.
I tried it again today and she started the same. This time I loosened the side reins even more and she began to stretch and reach for the bit. It got me wondering if Carmen really has a good understanding of contact. Which is stupid to be wondering at this point in her training I realize but hey, better late than never.
My ride today was also really good. She had one bobble at the same spot as yesterday but i gave her a squeeze and a tap and she went forward and that was the end of it. The ride was really good and every time she retracted her neck I kept the reins out there and put my leg on (or gave her a kick) to send her to the bit. My defence mechanisms tend to kick in when she gets tight because I'm anticipating a bolt and want to stop it. One day I might be over that tendency.
it was so hot yesterday. But I love this movement- she's so light in front (in a good way)
I still don't know if we're getting through this bobble or it's just a temporary truce. But I feel better about things. To quote John Legend:
"What's going on in that beautiful mind?
I'm on your magical mystery ride And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me But I'll be alright
My head's under water But I'm breathing fine You're crazy, and I'm out of my mind
My rides recently have been a bit, well, mercurial.
I've had rides where she's been sweet and calm and rides where you would think her tail was on fire.
Now it's not unusual for Carmen to get a bit anxious when all the grass and leaves are in and start blowing in the breeze.
I also know that her nature is to be reactive and sensitive. I have zero expectations that one day she'll be completely zen and relaxed. To me, that is as unrealistic as expecting an person with anxiety to 'just get over it'.
from my lesson last friday- starting off tight but trying
That said, I also do not put up with her being a completely irrational during our rides. The trick, of course is to find a balance. I try to figure out where she's at and meet her there so we can work through it.
That works the majority of the time.
better
My riding has improved quite a bit- I say that without arrogance or pride, it's just a fact. So the things that would unseat me or frighten me don't so much now. Shanea tells me to keep my legs on and not back off- that's when she gets me. Carmen has a powerful neck and shoulders and she knows how to use them. It used to be impossible for me to stop her but not so much. Not that she doesn't get away but it's much shorter lived.
This week I had a ride that was lovely and then a ride where she was a complete and utter cow. And I don't say that lightly. She was fixated on the far bushes and everything I asked was just too much. She was hanging on the bit and using that for leverage to cart me all around. I had to get quite harsh at times to get her to stop (like I'm glad there's no media harsh).
not hanging on the bit
Before you start thinking that I was picking on a scared horse, let me stop you. Carmen has three spooks:
#1. genuine startle and frightening. When this happens so looks to me ' OMG, what do we do?' And when I say 'just this' she settles and listening.
#2. I'm tired and want to stop working. This happens because in the past her behaviour made me back off. It doesn't now and this rarely pops up and, when it does, we work through it pretty quickly.
#3. Anticipatory: it's like she comes out looking to worry and then, when something happens (like a goldfinch flying by) she will give a big spook and then bolt. In this mood she can become 100% fixated on an area and becomes quite unrideable.
#3 was what I was dealing with in that ride. I wasn't even trying to get her to go near the area of worry. I was simply riding her in a circle but she was so fixated and I had zero attention. When she couldn't spin and bolt she would hang on the bit.
From our last lesson, working on half-halts
I picked up a canter on a 20 metre circle and every time she became strong and tried to cart me off I would turn her in a 10 metre circle. After numerous circles (omg, so dizzy) she finally breathed and softened and we could ride.
I halted her and she waited for me to dismount. When I didn't right away she began to paw. I took my dressage whip and every time she pawed I snapped her on the leg. She stopped and then began to try to pull the reins from my hands. I bridged the reins and still sat. Finally she sighed and cocked a foot. I sat a little longer and then hopped off.
In the barn I had her ground tied while I got the hose ready. I saw her looking out the open door.
Go ahead I said, if you leave I'm not chasing you. You are welcome to go find someone else who will look after you better than me.
She breathed and then said fine, I guess I'll stay.
What I realized was that our issue was one of attention. Carmen was attending to me when she chose. When she was interested in something else I was far down the list of things to attend to. It was like I wasn't even there anymore.
The next day I took her up to the ring to do a groundwork session. The goal was simple- to have her attend to me and, when distracted to respond to my request to me. I used her ears as my cue. If the nearest ear flicked to me when I asked I would stop my demands. If she didn't respond I upped my ask. As Tristan would say 'ask a question that deserves an answer'.
It was pretty simple, I had her on a circle. when she fixated on something I gently lifted the whip towards her. If her ear flicked, it went back down. If it didn't I immediately stepped towards her, disengaged her hind end and then sent her back.
It was hard work. I had to be really consistent and very very clear. I played with increasing the pressure but that seemed too gray. So I had it very simple- ask soft, ask strong, get response, stop, rest, repeat.
Today, before I rode I repeated the work from Monday. Clearly she remembered- her shift of attention to me was immediate and fast. When I rode I kept my crop with me so when I needed her attention I waved it and her ear flicked back immediately. The one time it didn't I disengaged her hind end and that was that.
The nifty thing was that by the end of the ride I just had to gently squeeze a rein and her ear would flick back. Even when worried about things, by having one ear on me her tightness and stiffness was not as bad. That's because horses are not good multi-taskers. Of course neither am I.
It's nice to know that she realizes I'm up there.
even when watching out for trip hazards
And one more thing: My son returned from the middle east earlier this month. He had to quarantine for 2 weeks but that was over last week. He and Ripley were reunited and it was so sweet.
If this doesn't warm your heart you need to seek help
Before I get into my post, last week a surprise arrived in my mail from Nicole. Not that it should have been a surprise. I just forgot that I won the foal pool.
I love this so much. She captured them all beautifully
You know, for a person who probably thinks far too much I can still do some pretty stupid things.
My rides on Carmen have been going really well. Which led me to become a bit complacent. Add in the decrease in riding because of, well, late autumn (and the weather sucks and it's dark and cold and rainy) and add in a mare that does not like to be taken for granted and you can have a recipe for disaster.
Spoiler alert- no one was seriously hurt.
It started with me wanting to get a ride in on Sunday morning before the young woman who is learning to ride Irish came out (that's a different story). It was sunny and a bit windy.
I should have lunged first but I didn't want to didn't think I needed to. Carmen seemed fine at first but lost no time in telling me that there were trolls on the far side of the ring and she was having none of it. I kept trying to work her through with some success but nothing that stuck.
I was getting a bit annoyed but wanted to get to a good point and be done. I began to work her really hard at the gate and then offer the far side as a place of rest. She wasn't buying that at all. But I figured she would figure it out. The young woman came and I told her I needed some time.
So I'm working Carmen at the gate and then she does this nasty little deke to the right and then a big swerve to the left. I was completely unbalanced and there was no saving it so I let go and fell to the ground cursing as I landed. I jumped up, asked the young woman to get my lunging stuff and the proceeded to lunge the crap out of Carmen. I know that I was at fault here too but that was a nasty little move and I couldn't let be the end of work.
Once she was worked hard, I hopped back on and cooled her out at the walk all over the ring.
I wasn't hurt but I was annoyed at myself. The signs were there and I ignored them, figuring it would all be fine. I also started to think back about when I had last done our groundwork and I really couldn't remember.
Bad me.
The next day was a Remembrance Day and it's a holiday here. In the morning I went out to get Carmen from the field. I always walk out, stop and wait for them to turn to me and come towards me. Carmen looked at me but was a bit reluctance. I just waited for her to relax and then I put her halter on.
We headed up to the ring and I had all my stuff up there. We spent the next 30 minutes or so reviewing all the groundwork exercises: following, backing up, the clock exercise, dealing with plastic bags and noise makers. As we worked we fell back into our easy companionship and I realized that it was missing before. I turned her back out to chill for a couple hours.
Relaxed with one ear on me
I turned her back out and headed to the ceremony. I rarely miss it but now with my son in the Air Force and going to Kuwait soon it has more personal meaning.
After lunch I got my tack ready and went out to get her again. This time she saw me and came right to me with an open and happy gaze. I tacked her up and we went up to the ring. I lunged her a bit first but she was fine. So I hopped on and guess what?
Carmen was fine.
Just fine.
Not that she wasn't worried about the same areas but she wanted to know my opinion of it and then listened to that opinion.
And our session was awesome. Since then she's been tuned into me and happy for me to groom or lunge her.
I was going to write this post tomorrow but it turns out that I cannot sleep (thanks menopause) so I thought that it might settle my whirling brain if I put some of these thoughts out of my head and onto my blog.
Good Lord Woman, do you ever stop?
Friday:
The trip was easy and I settled Carmen into her stall. Her neighbour, Suzi was instantly in love. Unfortunately Carmen did not have the same thoughts.
Suzi: but I'm lovable, everyone says so Carmen: no. you are not. GO AWAY
I had arranged a lesson with Shanea in the show ring (you can pay for 30 minute intervals). Carmen was really really good. She settled into work and it was a great lesson. A couple bobbles (let's face it- it is us after all) but nothing major and we had some really solid work.
Saturday:
I didn't ride until mid afternoon which gives lots of time to fret.
Except I didn't fret at all. Instead I walked Carmen around to let her move, watched some beautiful horses and their riders do some tests and chatted with friends. It felt a lot like camping. About an hour before my ride I took Carmen into the warm up ring and she kind of lost her mind. There were a couple spots she was freaking out about. One was a partially open door, except it wasn't the door. There was a gatorade bottle on the ledge by the door shining in the light. Another spot was this small window that was open on the side of the indoor ring. Carmen was so freaked out by this window that I asked someone to close it for me. Someone also moved the water bottle. Things were better but not great.
Still I felt pretty ready going into to do my test. And in the show ring Carmen was way better and we laid down a pretty solid test (for us). A couple errors but still, the most consistent we've been.
I do not recall my score and I'm too lazy to get it out of the truck right now but it was in the low 60's (I think around 64). I thought it felt a bit like a train wreck but other people assured me that it looked good and after watching the video I see a lot that I like. (however, stay tuned for the train wreck).
I let her have a small break in her stall and then took her back out the warm up. There were still a few freaky spots for her but we worked through them and put in our next test that felt more consistent to me. We scored about the same.
I will likely review the tests in detail later on this blog (or maybe not) but the judges comments were positive and very encouraging. My favourite was 'tactfully ridden' for one of my 10 m circles.
That night a bunch of us from the show went out to dinner and had a grand time talking about horses, the show, more horses, cats, horses etc. There may have even been a bit of dancing to a local band. Carmen's antics in the warm up ring were bugging me though so I asked Shanea if she could give me a lesson the next morning in the warm up ring. I wanted Carmen to realize that she needed to work there and then just let her rest until it was time for the test.
Sunday:
The next morning was much like the one before except that I had a lesson booked in the morning. I'm so glad I did that because it was so good. Shanea really helped me to figure out how to keep Carmen on task and not kill any other riders. Which was the thing really getting me tense- I didn't care about her antics. I'm used to them. But I didn't want to careen into another rider or freak out their horse when they are trying to get ready for their show. This time there was a coffee cup on the ledge (the horror!) that had her freaked out. Someone moved it but honestly, it could have been anything. Sometimes she's tense and looking for something to fixate on. AT the start of the lesson she was for sale for about $10. At the end she had raised in value to about $40. After about 40 minutes I put Carmen away feeling satisfied that we had worked through her things.
Shanea and I agreed that a 30 minute warm up before my first test in the morning should be fine given the work she did in the morning. That turned out to be a mistake. Carmen came into the warm up ring and had, apparently, forgotten all the work of the morning. She was spooky in the same spots and doing her spontaneous canter pirouettes. Before I knew it they were calling us to the ring.
I went in hoping for the best and fearing the worst.
IWhen we came in she was tense and looking around. She saw spectators in the blue bleachers and kind of lost her mind over them. The judge gave me a little time to show her that they were fine and then rang the bell.
t was a total and utter train wreck.
The fun starts at about the 2:25 mark. There's a table she's looking at just outside the ring. It had been there every other time she went in but either she saw it or decided that it was now acting suspiciously. Then at about 2:59 she spiralled in an and tried to run away from the people in the bleachers. I circled her back and we dealt with that. I am proud that I stayed sitting up and then got her back to canter to carry on. We survived the rest of the test but I knew that it was basically about getting to the end. We scored in the low 50's.
I thought about scratching the next test.
Instead I took her back to the warm up ring and spent the 45 minutes before my next test riding my horse. And I mean riding. I was taking no guff from her at this point. Jane was also in riding her warm up (you may recall that Jane is my Yoda, often appearing when I need her the most to give some words of wisdom). This time Jane say Carmen sucking back behind the contact and getting tighter and tighter. 'make her heavy' she said. What she meant was to push Carmen into the contact so I had something to work with. It really helped. Every time Carmen sucked back I booted her forward.
Honestly, letting her suck back seems to be the root of a lot of my problems. I don't mind letting her hesitate if there there is something worrying her, but at some point we need to move forward.
I went in determined to school the crap of out my final test. I didn't care if I fell off. I do not think that there is video (if I find some I will share it). But I did exactly what I intended. I kept a short rein and my legs on. They never came off. She tried one deke but I took a firmer hold of the outside rein and booted her back. For our last canter lengthen I sat up through the corner and put my leg on. let's go I said, we'll worry about the corner when we get there. Carmen pinned her ears but went. It felt like we did a hand gallop down the side.
She was a hot mess and tense and broke a few times but our score was a 60. Again the judges comments were encouraging and she wrote to not get discouraged, just keep working away.
My friends and fellow competitors were so encouraging to me that they kept me going. By now a few things are clear to me:
Carmen is consistently difficult on the third day of a show or clinic. I think it's because of not being turned out and an excess of energy.
Carmen needs an hour warm up. There's no point in trying to 'conserve' her at this point in her training. I need to work her and, hopefully, with time she'll understand the job better.
Things can go to crap and I am still sitting up. This is huge for me.
Carmen still believes that submission is a thing to be negotiated. And I don't mind being tactful but she doesn't get to say no. Can someone explain that to her please? Thanks.
Despite how it all ended, I did have a lot of fun at the show. I think it would have been worse had I set goals because I wouldn't have met them. Instead, I dealt with what I had.
keep calm and canter on (photo from saturday, PC J. Scrimger)
Which is a good thing. Carmen and I are hitting our groove and it feels good. it also probably looks like watching paint dry.
Stacie sent me these photos from the clinic back in May
We seem to be getting into a pattern of riding 3 days and then 1 off. Sometimes it varies a bit depending on my schedule and the weather (which continues to be unsettled).
Some of our rides are just awesome from beginning to end. Others are less so. I try to evaluate her mood in the barn and make some decisions from there.
The other day I was planning to ride but when I came out to the barn both horses were quite unsettled. The steers were in the woods across the road. I don't know what the handlers were doing but there was lots of shouting and some crashing and banging. If I didn't know better I would say that they were using the steer to demolish a shed. But we couldn't see.
I decided to spend our time working on our groundwork patterns rather than riding. I was sure that I could ride her through it but I wasn't sure what would be accomplished. So we practiced the patterns from the TRT method. Carmen was really trying to be good about the whole thing and relax. I could see her working really hard on it. We never got to the point of full zen but that's okay. I don't have that expectation of her. I am working on settling for good enough if the try is there.
When we do ride I'm working on keeping her coming from behind and lifting up into transitions, not falling on her forehand. It is coming. She even seems to be understanding the idea of lengthening in the trot and not going faster.
I've not been able to have a lesson for a while which is frustrating. I had one booked for friday but there was torrential rain and a thunderstorm in the morning which caused quite a few cancellations and made it not worth it for Shanea. Instead I rode in the afternoon with Julia and it was a fun ride. A few discussions but nothing major.
We had rebooked the lesson to 7:30 this morning (ugh) but that ended up being cancelled too. So, because I was dressed, I rode anyway really early. Carmen was a little more opinionated about the far side of the ring- but only on the right rein. I asked her to bend and she gave me the middle finger. I wear spurs every ride now so that allowed me to add some 'teeth' to the bending aid. Which she took major exception to. This resulted in a short but intense discussion that when I ask her to bend I expect Princess Pissy Pants to at least try, not throw her shoulder against me.
With that settled we were able to work on leg yields, transitions and lengthens. We had moments to discussion but for the most part our work was pretty good. While I might not classify this as a 'good' ride, I would have last year. I find that I'm able to shrug those off and not buy into the whole drama llama thing.
After your horse has grazed quietly under a water slide, it's hard to take her fear of song sparrows seriously. Especially when she's only worried on the right rein.
Of course it's not all about Carmen. I need to make sure that I'm sitting up and back and not tensing with her. I am getting better at just shrugging off the occasional spook and carrying on. this whole zen thing might actually be working for me.
I was so tired after the show that, despite the weather being beautiful I couldn't bring myself to ride. Instead I cleaned things up and put everything away. Carmen was fine with my plan as she hung out with Irish catching up on her grass consumption.
This allowed me to reflect more on the show and actually read my tests. Overall, the judge, Ron King tended to score people low - I think that the highest score of the day was 69. But he was kind and consistent and I really enjoyed the experience.
The low scoring items were not a surprise: the stretchy circle and free walk were consistently my lower scores (5.5 on Saturday and 6/6.5 on Sunday). The issue is that Carmen tends to hollow and raise her head during these moves. On Sunday though we were able to get a half-decent stretch on the free walk (actually scoring 6.5 on Sunday). I am actually pleased with the frame she has here- she's stretching it out and not curling behind.
I think this was one of Sunday's test (PC Sam McCullough-Lyons)
I was surprised and thrilled that our medium walk scored 7 and 7.5. We've never gotten that so it seems that my work on that has paid off.
Our leg yields were mediocre, scoring 6 or 6.5. On Saturday keeping her straight and not flipping her head to look out was an issue. This was better on Sunday - partly because she was more relaxed and partly because I got off my inside rein.
I think that this is the leg yield (PC Sam M-L)
Not surprising our lengthens were our worst scores. But we haven't really been able to school them either. The best part about the 5.5 or 6 we scored? That she really tried to do it but thinks that going faster in trot lengthens is the answer. For the canter lengthens she was as fluid as we can be.
Other marks were lost because I was a bit inaccurate in some of my shapes. Some of that was unintentional, other was me going for 'flow' rather than pick a fight.
The experience has taught me that the basics are there. It seems to me that our tests were pretty consistent with where we are in our schooling.
It's easy to get up in the criticism of the things I did wrong. To help me remember I did a short video comparison of the same movement in test 2:
Clearly this was a way better experience for both of us.
This gives me all the information that I needed to build my confidence that we can do this thing. I know you guys were all so encouraging and I truly appreciate it. But I was less sure. Now, not so much.
So I have signed up for a Bronze show this weekend (side note, in Canada rated competitions are bronze, silver or gold).
Honestly, I have been having some anxiety about this.
Not about performance.
I have no illusions that we will be able to pull anything over a 55. But that's not my goal.
My overarching goal is 'to bore the judge'.
I want Carmen to be relaxed mentally and physically in our tests. I do not want the comment 'tight over the back'.
so tight over the toppline
I do not care if I get comments that relate to needing more energy or forward. Literally.
better(ish)
I know that we have the tools to do it. But when you have a horse that has had some serious melt downs in the show ring, it leaves some baggage.
not a good day
I worry about her stomach, I worry about me being too tight and pressuring her.
I also know that it's time to ask some more of her and help her to cope. So I've been throwing a lot a of stomach supplements at her (well, not a lot really but for me it seems a lot).
I had a lesson yesterday and it was raining. Carmen is not a fan of the rain. Well, being ridden in the rain- she eats in it just fine.
flow
I get it, the rain makes all kinds of noises. And until now it really wasn't top of my priorities.
the opposite of flow
I made sure that we did our groundwork first and then a slow warm up. She was not impressed about the side with all the vegetation but was perfectly fine standing there on a loose rein. So I decided that we could go and I was not going to be bullied (Johanna did point out that I've been letting her get away with some rude things under saddle).
spook and recovery
It was a good lesson and required me to be on top of myself and not find myself get bogged down into arguments. Not gonna lie- that is hard. Apparently it's my life lesson right now.
a bit tense but at least I'm not stiffening and straightening my leg.....
Carmen's brain was a bit like a ping pong ball. With me, gone, with me, gone...... It was a good time to practice my zen-ness.
We had some wonderful canter work and then we were finishing with a stretchy trot circle. Missy took total advantage of the longer rein and did a spook-spin that unseated me. I almost saved it but she moved again and I bailed, landing on my ass but not in a hard way. More like a really clumsy dismount.
I stood up and marched her butt right back to the mounting block and got back on. We then spent 15 minutes on the notion that she can bend and I can insist. Shanea pointed out that she flings her shoulders which unbalances me and then she has freedom to make bad life choices. So I had to make sure that I was with her and not let that happen. Being able to focus on that and not the reins helped a lot.
Finally she got it in her head that she could walk and trot an honest-to-god circle and not fling herself around. And, in case you are thinking that something had her really worried, she was totally able to stand there with her head down and relaxed in the spot that she was unable to walk by.
While it was a good lesson with some really nice moments, I did wonder if I should scratch the whole show.
As I was cleaning tack and listening to music a song came on that put it all into perspective: Special by Shinedown:
Hurry up before you go and get old Hurry up before your blood runs cold None of us were ever meant to stay We're all gonna find out one day
You see life's too short to run it like a race So it's never gonna matter if you win first place 'Cause we're all the same
Stop waitin' on your fifteen minutes of fame 'Cause you're not special I'm not tryin' to rain on your parade But you're not special I'm not tryin' to bring to you down I'm not tryin' to sound so inaffectual But you're not special
Which is true. What does it matter- we will win or learn. I remembered that my goals this year are all about process, not outcomes.
So I'm going. We're going to do our best to be relaxed and calm. If I scratch or am disqualified, whatever.
I may also drink before too.....because that's a great show strategy, right?
Earlier this week I was struggling with feeling depressed. Now, in full disclosure, I've been prone to depression off and on my whole life. When I feel like this I stop and look at my life and see if there's any 'reason'. Usually there is not. Not that there isn't stress or things but my life is pretty good.
What has been going on is the weather. Honestly, it's been rainy, and cold. Or sunny and windy and cold. It's officially the worst spring I remember. It means that I'm not outside much and I really need to be outside. I have been getting frustrated with not being able to do things with the horses. Not so long ago I would have ridden anyway. Maybe I'm becoming a fair weather rider but, to be honest, I don't see the point of riding when the weather is bitter cold and the wind is trying to rip your clothes off.
so much rain
After a cold and bitter Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, the weather finally improved on Thursday. Julia met me and we both had a good ride. I noticed that right after, I no longer felt depressed. I felt happy and relaxed and peaceful.
Friday we both had lessons booked with Shanea. But the weather was, yet again, cold and rainy. Like torrential rain. I convinced Shanea to come anyway with promises of supper and a bed so she could do her teaching on Saturday. Ed was sure we were crazy but he cooked a lovely dinner anyway. The rain did indeed stop so we decided to do a joint lesson rather than 2.
Carmen was a bit perturbed, after all she prefers to nap post-supper while waiting for night feed. But she was pretty good anyway and humoured me. When I mounted she was forward and a bit looky but nothing too major.
Irish was a bit wired but I didn't think too much about it. Then the neighbours brought their steers down the road.
And Irish lost his ever loving mind.
he's a sweet horse and can also be real dick at times
Carmen was a bit over the top too but managed to keep it together. I thought about dismounting but she would freeze, stare and then come right back to me. Julia and rode on a circle at the far end and then I moved away to the middle circle. My goal was just to keep her relaxed and forward. She was really coming along, then I heard 'WHOA WHOA WHO'.
I looked up to see Irish having a complete and utter hysterical melt down. I watched Shanea grab the reins and he started to run backwards, trying to rear and hitting the fence. I could picture him and Julia flipping over backwards down the hill. I halted Carmen and jumped off.
I gave her to Shanea and then went up to Irish and Julia. You see, I have had Irish since he was 3 (he's 19 now) and I know this horse. And I knew exactly what he needed. I grabbed the inside rein and asked him to move forward, directing Julia to kick him forward. He circled around and then I switched direction. After a few circles, I let go and had her take him out farther.
What Irish needs when he's like this is to move. There is no settling him to be quiet, he has to go out and move his butt until his brain falls back in. He began to settle into the work. Not totally settled- he looked very much like a llama.
I looked back at Carmen who was standing beside Shanea with her hind leg cocked and half asleep.
I think that you need to give this lesson to Julia I said. And I'm happy with what Carmen has done so I'm not going to get back on. But I won't leave, because that would cause even more chaos.
Shanea agreed that Julia needed the attention. So while they worked I took Carmen out and we practiced our ground patterns, stopping periodically to do absolutely nothing (I have taken a page out of Linda's book).
Carmen seemed to enjoy us 'playing'. When I felt 'done' I brought her down to watch Irish and Julia. I decided to take her bridle off and thought I could do it while keeping on her rope halter (which is how I work with her). Turns out I can't do that and everything ended up tangled (Cynthia is rolling her eyes right now and saying that she's not surprised). So I ended up taking everything off. Carmen stood there while I untangled everything and put her halter back on. She never moved a muscle (but she might have sighed at her inept servant). I then let her over and let her graze around the outside of the ring.
In the meantime, Julia had Irish's brains back and they had some lovely work. Not that he ever really got over the idea that the cow's went down the road and never came back!' I am assuming that they moved them to the field for the summer.
I was so incredibly proud of Carmen. She handled everything and I loved that she was the 'good one' even with all the shenanigans. And my depression appears to be gone.
And I arranged for Shanea to teach me early the next morning before she had to leave. But that's a different post because this one is far too long.
this is Irish staring at where the cows are. Carmen is clearly concerned.
After working with Carmen I let her back out to the paddock to relax before the lesson.
It was an interesting lesson.
She started off with lots of energy and looking around. What is interesting is that the areas that were NBD during our groundwork, continue to cause some anxiety when being ridden.
This is definitely habit and one that doesn't get me too bent out of shape.
We walked around and then picked up a trot. I am sure that her saddle needs some adjusting (I have a call in) and so I let her warm up to it. Carmen was still getting herself distracted, the work in the ring was not keeping her occupied enough.
getting distracted by the equipment outside the ring. Still looking pretty though
So Shanea asked me to do a 4 loop serpentine. I was riding it and Shanea kept telling me to turn sooner and I was getting confused. Finally she said 'think of it as 10 m circles'. And then I knew I had to stop. See, my ring is 60 m long so to do a 4 loop serpentine it's at the 15 m marker not the 10. Once we cleared that up we could work through it.
As we worked Carmen's energy picked up and she was ready to go. She picked up a canter when I didn't ask but I let her roll with it and we flowed along. It allowed me to work on our trot-canter-trot transitions.
After a brief break we went back to trot and I asked her to cross the ring at B she balked. I put my leg on and she gave a big buck. It honestly seemed like she felt I was being too hard and I'm sure my balance was on the front of the saddle and pinching her.
So I just laughed, brought her back to walk and let her get more comfortable. Clearly, she had feelings and one of us had to be zen. I spoke about what I thought was bothering her and we decided to take it down a notch.
We worked on some leg yields at a walk. As we worked, Carmen began to relax. And then wanted to go forward into trot. I waited a bit and then let her roll forward.
Leg yields from left to right were easier then right to left. She likes to lead with her haunches so worked on that. Here is Carmen expressing her feelings about being made to go to troll corner.
But we worked through it. Carmen can get quite fast and unbalanced so I've been working on that.
In this video you can see that she's speeding and falling out of balance. I turned her into a 10 m circle and slowed her down. From that she's more balanced and, funny enough, less spooky in the corner.
But we finished with this leg yield:
This is the one we finished on.
I was happy with this lesson and how we dealt with things. It seemed to me that Carmen is learning that I will listen to her when she tells me she's not comfortable- mentally or physically. Which is allowing us to work through it. I am being less intense, which is also good.
On Saturday I had a grand adventure planned for Carmen and I.
Well, not 'grand' so much as 'fun'.
Part of my process goals this year is to do things without worrying about perfection or even perfect control. So I arranged to meet up with Nancy and hack at the barn where she boards. It's the one with absolutely stunning trails.
just as magical with other characters...
I gave myself some extra time for loading, just in case. But I didn't need it, although clearly a bit tight she walked right on. At the stable we were greeted by two small goats. Nancy asked how Carmen would be with them. The truthful answer was I don't know. The other half of that answer was that I wasn't all that worried.
I grabbed a photo of the adorable goats at the end of the ride
The cute little goats were very curious and were climbing on the ramp of the trailer as I dropped it. Carmen gave them the hairy eyeball but seemed unworried. She unloaded and headed into the barn. She always seems so comfortable there. Part of me would love to leave her there for a week to get used to all the things.
You may remember the donkey too. He was not to be overshadowed by two hooligans.
love that nose
It didn't take long to get ready. I asked Carmen to line up by the rock wall (which she did like a champ) and we were off. Carmen was exactly as I expected- up and a bit tense but not melting down. I gave her a long rein, relaxed my seat and we followed Beau and Nancy.
And we stayed on the long rein for the whole trip. A couple times I shortened the reins to prevent a potential crash but I never held her. Even when we went by a small 'sculpture' of rocks piled on top of each other. Carmen looked, said 'meh' and carried on.
tempting to trot/canter here but the ground was still a bit soft.
When she wanted to stop and look at things I let her.
The trails wind through woods and up to fields. There are lots of hills (big and small) which are great for conditioning.
Can you see the view behind me?
I look at these photos and I love how solid a horse she looks this year. She has filled out nicely, I think.
Shortly after this photo (I think) we were walking back along an open area when all of a sudden all hell broke loose. A grouse flew off in a great flap, Carmen said EEEK and spun and I tried to say 'whoa' but am pretty sure it came out as 'ARGHHHHHH.
Even the redoubtable Beau jumped. Nancy was perfectly calm of the four of us. After her jump Carmen turned back to watch the Grouse flap off.
Carmen: WTF?
Me: god I hate those birds.
My heart was pounding- mostly from the bird. They get me every time (I call them heart attack birds). We both took a deep breath and I dropped the rein and we walked on. Carmen was keeping a suspicious eye out but didn't become a basket case.
Frankly I don't blame her.
that tail! Believe it or not I've trimmed it 3 times this winter
We finished back at the barn tired and happy. I loaded Carmen and we headed home. She spent that day and the next being very relaxed and mellow.
I think it was a great idea to head out so soon in our riding season. It's all part of the plan to mix things up and keep them interesting.
I was relieved to feel back to normal on Thursday. The nice thing about a migraine is that it feels so good when it's gone.
Okay that might be a little too 'glass is half full'. But still.....
It also corresponded to the weather stabilizing into a sunny day. Julia has moved to the area and we arranged to meet up and ride.
Carmen was a bit tight when I brought her in but that was okay because I already planned to lunge her first anyway. I figured that if she was stiff then being able to move without me on would be good for her back.
It's been interesting looking at my work with her through the lense of helping her to deal with pressure in a way that builds her confidence. As I start back I'm squashing all the 'I should' thoughts. Ones like:
I should be working on leg yields, I should be working on lengthens I should be working on perfecting transitions I should be working on getting ready for second level I should be working on _______
Not that I don't want to work on all those things but that if that becomes my focus I will fail. I am trying to keep with my 'process goals'.
So I'm trying to gauge her internal pressure and ride accordingly. It took a little time lunging her for me to feel that she was in the right head space. But when I mounted she stood stock still and moved off when I asked. I could feel her walking fast and tense and I tried to use my seat to keep her slow. Without Karen to guide me it was much harder to do. I could tell that she was much more comfortable in the bridle so I was glad I had her teeth done.
As we walked on I just focussed on staying calm and not tight. As we worked she began to blow and relax. As she did that I began to ask for more things: trotting, going by her spooky spots, bending etc. When it fell apart we regrouped and began again. Every now and then she sent me the message that she was thinking of freaking out. I would relax more and just stay the course.
There was this one point where she gave a big shy. I sat up and she came to a stop herself and then began marching towards what had spooked her. Honestly, this is the first time she's ever done that. I gave her rein and let her march towards the rail with a loose rein. She looked over the fence, sighed and we then went back to work. I loved that she dealt with the startle herself. I literally did nothing but sit there. As for what spooked her I think it was the song birds (Carmen: um they were velociraptors) that were flying madly about. (Carmen: trying to attack us. And they were armed).
After that we were able to work on walk-trot transitions, a little leg yielding and even some canter. We took some breaks and each time she would just drop her head and relax. I let her have the rein to do that. If she took off I figured I would get enough warning to be able to take up some rein.
Friday was supposed to be rainy all day but there was a patch of clearing in the middle of the afternoon so Julia came out and we took advantage.
Irish: Two days in a row? What madness is this?
In the morning I had hitched up the trailer to check that it's all good to go this year.
nice to see this set up again
Of course the horses noticed and I think that contributed to some extra tension on Carmen's side for our ride. She was definitely more tense and not so sure about life. It was also really windy, which never helps. I kept on task and made sure that she had things to occupy her brain rather than random dangers lurking in the woods. We managed to end on a good note with her being relaxed.
clearly there is danger lurking there. Also, it didn't seem that
foggy when we were riding (PC Julia)
So there's a lot to do but it feels like it's in the right direction.
