On-Again/ Off-Again

 When I returned from my vacation things were melted and I was excited to get started.  I had a plan for gradually building up the horses' fitness. I am well aware that Carmen is 15 this year (like how?!) and I need to make sure that I don't over stress her joints. Same for Quaid but because he's 5. 

Unfortunately, the weather has been a major obstacle. It's been a cold and wet spring. But I was doing okay, getting enough rides in to feel we were moving forward, even if at a glacial pace. Glacial being the right word because sunny and warm days were very rare. And 'warm' was just by comparison.  I did manage to get a ride in on Saturday April 6 on Quaid and Monday on Carmen.  

Then it snowed. And a fair amount of snow.  It lasted a couple days and then I got sick. Sigh. 

just ugh. 

 By the weekend I was feeling better but the weather rainy.  On one of the rainy days neighbours started to burn some stuff in the yard and it really freaked out the horses. I needed to get Ed to help me with them because they were acting panicked a wild. It was weird because Ed has had a fire and they never reacted. But no one has been on that property for years so I suspect it was the novelty and smoke freaking them out. Quaid stayed agitated for a couple days which might be related to his ride last year where the truck caught fire. 

That meant it was Monday this week before I could even consider riding. The weather was cold and windy but not rain (or snow, ugh) and I was determined to work both of them. I figured that, between the weather, activity next door and a week break,  both would be excited. I dragged the ring and Carmen watched me closely. When I was almost done she found a muddy patch (not hard to find) and had a lovely roll. She shook after and looked at me smugly. 

double ugh. 

 I decided to ride Carmen first with the idea that she'd settle pretty quickly. Turns out I was wrong on that. Despite being out of shape she was lit and was a fire breathing dragon. Not over the neighbours, just life in general. I was pleased that I never got flustered or tight, I just kept riding and we ended on a good note.   I kept my focus on rhythm and bend and didn't buy into her assertions that she couldn't go there or over there or how about here. She was sweaty at the end but, honestly, that was her choice. 

I put her back out (to roll yet again) and got Quaid ready. I tacked him up but was thinking we might just be lunging to help him get over his worries about next door.  But after a few minutes he settled right in to the work. Even when we heard voices from over the field. He looked and then carried on.  I kept the ride short but there was nothing to worry about. 

I rode him again today. This time I rode him a bit longer and he had some feelings about that. And by  feelings I mean a little grumpy and then settled back to work. His trot is nice and forward this year. We actually did our first wee canter of the year. I've been working it on the lunge - getting him to pick it up and drop to trot softly and with little drama. And that was just want our canter depart was. It felt nice and balanced too which wasn't the case last year. 

the best mule

 Later this morning the saddle fitter came out and adjusted his saddle with a bigger gullet. He got a little bored in the cross ties and lifted his front leg to stamp or paw. I looked at him uh-uh I said. He froze with his leg up and then quietly put it back down. I had to laugh. 

I'm so impressed with him this year.  Quaid is going to be 5 the end of May and he's behaving so grown up.  I can imagine how it will go when we can work with some consistency. 

his 'can I have a cookie' face

Musing on Mantras

 Over the winter Jane hosted a series of monthly video meetings with her students. They were a great way to connect and learn, especially for those of us unable to ride in the winter. Surprisingly, a  lot of the sessions were not on riding skills but more on the mental skills that are necessary when you are riding a 1,000 + pounds of prey animal. Jane shared a lot about dealing with fear and a lack of confidence. Not surprisingly, a lot of riders suffer from imposter syndrome or just a general lack of faith in our own abilities. Especially in high pressure situations, like a public clinic or show. 

Carmen was happy to see me (or the hay bag). 
Best not to think about it too much. 

Of course one way to prevent anxiety in these situations is to simply not participate.  I, for one, fully respect anyone's decision to not show. There are a lot of good reasons not to and, to me, it really is a personal choice. I choose to show right now because I get a lot of benefit from it (spoiler, it's not the ribbons that I spent a a few hundred dollars to win either). 

 But I don't want to get onto the show/don't show tangent because that is not the point of this post. Whoops. 

Sorry about that. Where was I? Oh, yes, the sessions with Jane. In one of them she talked about negative self-talk and how destructive it is. We all do it, 'why can't I do X?' "I'm a terrible rider' and 'I don't deserve my horse' etc. 

Funnily enough these thoughts are not helpful. They don't inspire us to to do better, they simply make us frustrated. And, as my friend Tanya says, 'when you're really frustrated you become unteachable.' And none of us want to that. 

here's a truly adorable moment between
Cordelia and Raven to break up the text wall

Jane suggested (strongly) that we all develop personal mantras, or affirmations if you prefer. They were to be short, positive and lead to growth. They were not to be wishy-washy or hopeful. For example, instead of 'I will try to sit the canter' it would be 'I know how to sit the canter'. I don't know if that is the best example but you get the idea. Once we had a few, we were to repeat them everyday. 

To be completely honest (and I try to be in this blog), I was a little sceptical about this making a difference. Okay, maybe more than a little. So I put off doing it. But my thoughts kept coming back to it so I began to work on ones for me. I based them off my biggest worries that I have in riding: that I am not competent and that I am ineffective in redirecting my horse when she (because let's face it, it's mostly Carmen) is dedicated to a behaviour. 

Let me give some examples. At one horse show, years ago, Carmen had a total melt down and I had to scratch mid-test. I was really upset. When I went to pick up my test sheet the person in the office a woman in there said 'you know if you would just be relaxed she would be too'.  It devastated me, even though I knew that this woman had zero idea of what I was dealing with back then. But it hit the core fear I have of being incompetent.  The other one is that Carmen can get pretty wedded to a particular behaviour (like spooking) and even if I could get her by whatever, it was always pretty shitty. Jane would say something like 'bend her' and I would answer ' I'm trying' and nothing changed. Because in my heart I didn't believe I could make a difference. 

honestly, I should have just relaxed here as she bolted
around the ring and it would have been fine.....

After doing some noodling I arrived at three statements: 

1. I am a competent rider

2. I have the skills I need to ride effectively

3. I wear the crown (in other words I get to decide things and not Carmen or Quaid) 

We were to repeat them to ourselves several times a day. 

Full confession- I did not do that. But I did repeat them often. 

And guess what? They worked. When I'm riding and things get a little iffy, like say Carmen acting like she's going to spook in a corner, I tell myself 'I am a competent rider. What would a competent rider do here?' And I do that thing.  And it works. Mostly my advice to me is 'take a feel of the outside rein and put on the inside leg'. Which is pretty basic riding stuff. But then my tension melts and I can be soft and, to my shock, Carmen breathes out and carries on. And, even if she does spook, we recover really quickly. I also use 'what would Jane do? (or WWJD) and that works really well too. 

When Quaid gets a little fussy about going forward I begin to think I'm ruining my baby horse I tell myself that I have the skills I need and I ride forward.  And when either (although it's mostly Carmen right now) begins to get strong and take over I remind myself that there's only one crown and I wear it. 

Quaid or mule. Hard to tell. 

I was surprised at how well they worked. But I'm not going to argue with the success. 

If you had a mantra/personal affirmation what would it be?