Throwing in the Towel: One Year Later

Today is the anniversary of a turning point with Carmen. Feel free to read if you like but in sum I realized that Carmen was becoming dangerous for me to ride and I was done. Done with all of it. I called in a trainer and if it didn't work out I was going to sell her. My rant to Ed was:

I've put in fucking hours and hours. I've worked, taken lessons, worked some more and we're still at the same fucking place we were last year. I'm done. I want to show. I want to ride and not worry that I'll be dumped. I want to have some fun AND I WANT STEELE BACK. I'm tired of mourning him and my mother and dealing with shit. 

It's been quite the year. There are numerous posts about the ups and downs we experienced. I had to park my ego at the gate and listen to other perspectives. I had to be brave and ride even when I didn't want to. I did hours and hours of ground work.

And where are we now?

Carmen ground ties. She self-loads into the trailer and she whoas when I ask her to. She understands what I'm asking her for and it doesn't freak her out anymore.

And she's still dramatic. And will test me. But I'm not as worried about it anymore.

Today I rode her after the farrier left. The wind picked up and was gusty. I figured it would keep the bugs away. I had just finished tacking her up when I heard rain on the roof.
Me: Is that rain? 
Carmen:  Yes. Too bad. You will have to untack me. And I was so looking forward to it too. 
Me: It looks like it's just over the barn and no where else.....
Carmen:  and I requested that it be larger...
Me: Pardon? 
Carmen:  Oh, nothing I was just talking to myself.  Now where were we? Oh yes, you were about to untack me and turn me back out. 
Me: I think that it will be fine. Let's risk it. 
Carmen:  Darn it. 

 The leaves are now in and the grass is tall around the ring. This means that there are lots of things that move and potentially spooky. And she was. Spooky that is.

But this time instead of me feeling helpless to work through it and scared that I would be hurt I just rode her through it. I am refusing to avoid any part of the ring and I am sticking to the plan. I am better (not perfect) at not buying into worrying about the same things that she is. So if she's all 'ohmygod what is hiding in the grass?! We're all going to die" I refuse to worry about the grass too (as in ohmygod she's going to freak when we go by that grass!"). Instead I focus on what I was asking
Hey, we're going into the corner and you need to be bent around my inside leg, not gawking out of the ring".

I'm not afraid to make my point either. I ask lightly but will use as strong an aid as required to make my point.  And then let go. I don't get upset - although I might get momentarily flustered. The ring is the ring and she has to work in there. It's not about making her tired or bullying.

So my ride today was full of energy and some spooks (but no bolts) and we finished on a good note. And no one died.

And no towels were thrown.

If we ride here we can ride anywhere