dancing horses

dancing horses

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Regrouping

First of all let me thank everyone who commented (here and on FB), sent me messages and just reached out to offer support. It didn't matter that you didn't know what it was about and I was truly touched by all of you. Friday I had to do something was going to be incredibly awful. I felt that it was impossible for me to get through it. But I found strength that I didn't know I had and I made it through to the other side. I don't think that I could have done it at all without Ed but you were all part of it too.

Now that it's done I feel like a huge weight is lifted off of our shoulders. We spent friday hiding on the farm and went out for a nice dinner. Today we went to visit Alec and Ripley (I think I forgot to tell you that Ripley has gone home). Cynthia and Andrew came by in the afternoon and Cynthia and I went for a ride.

I wanted to focus on getting my 'whatever' attitude but without the numbness. And I actually managed to do it. I wasn't able t keep it 100% but I was pretty consistent. And it meant that we were able to school. Removing the emotion from the riding is helming me stay clear in my intent and in my signals. And funnily enough, taking away the tightness is improving my seat.

Once when we were cantering she gave a scoot and sped off a bit out of control.
Whoops I said  Where are we going? 
Carmen:  what is happening with you? Have you been drinking? 
Me: Well maybe one glass of wine before our ride...(note to self if this happens in the show don't ask 'where are we going' out loud). 

I have a lot more to do but today I managed to ride and to have fun. Even when she freaked out at the end because Irish left the ring before us- I still worked her through it and I did not let any dramatics keep me off course. I felt zero fear and that was interesting. Maybe getting through Friday helped that as well.

It will be interesting to see where this takes us.


28 comments:

  1. I am sure your super puppy helped you get through that rough stretch too!

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  2. I missed your Thursday post, but I'm glad to hear that whatever it was, it's behind you now. Keep moving forward. I'm happy to read that today you were able to have fun during your ride!

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    1. Thank you. I am doing much better

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  3. If doing what you did Friday made you stronger, you must have done the right thing.

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    1. I believe that I did. I really didn't want to do it but I would have regretted it if I hadn't

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  4. Riding without emotion. I need to figure out how to do that. I'm glad Friday is behind you and I hope things go smoother.

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    1. I don't know if it's sustainable.

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  5. Hopefully you can continue in this fearless vein! There are a couple things that scare me when I ride and I know they shouldn't... When I feel that fear rise up, I literally shut the door on those thoughts and just do it.

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    1. I hope I can continue to be fearless as well. We shall see.

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  6. I'm glad that you made it through Friday, and then were able to reconnect with Carmen. I can also confirm it is frowned upon to ask "where are we going?" in the show ring, haha.

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  7. It can be really hard to leave baggage at the arena gate. When I'm in a mood I try not to school, I trail ride. For some reason having a path to follow but no expectations on how to get to the end is really cathartic.
    I hope you are able to recover from the event in your life that is forcing you to ride without emotion and I hope riding helps you work through those particular emotions. Carmen is really stepping up to the plate though, don't you think? :)

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    1. agreed with the trail riding and Carmen thoughts!
      I am always amazed at how I can actually think through things while just walking on the trail.

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  8. I'm glad the weight has lifted!!

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  9. So sorry I missed your last post. But Im glad you made it through and got good rides too. And fearless that is good.

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    1. It's hard to keep up with blogs in the summer!

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  10. Just as fear can snowball, so can courage. It is a pretty cool feeling to have fearless rides (especially for those of us that have too many fearful ones) and I am personally finding those rides so empowering. Carmen is so lucky to have you--it feels like you both are developing each other's best potential. :)

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    1. I think that we are. We still have times of 'ugh, it's you' (on both sides) but we're getting there.

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    2. "Just as fear can snowball, so can courage" <3<3<3<3<3

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  11. Oh Teresa, I know what a mess it is when life pops up to bite, and we're left there, not really knowing how to deal with it all. Usually, riding when in shambles is not all that productive for me, but in the end, after, it's often just the ticket anyway. Horse time is good time, as simple as that. So glad that you DID ride. I know you'll get a "good feel" and the joy back with it soon enough, as soon as things calm down.
    By the way, Working Equitation should be a blast!! Not so strict, and maybe fun for the horse too :)
    Hang in there!

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  12. I am glad that you and Ed have each other through your ordeal. *massive hugs*

    I snorted at "don't say this out loud at the show".

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    1. I talk to Carmen all the time when I ride so there is a real possibility that this could happen. :D

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  13. I'm glad the burden is off your shoulders!

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