Skin Deep

 Way back in 2018 I entered Carmen in a show and we ended up scratching because I could not control her spooking.  I was feeling quite down about it and when I went in to pick up my test sheets one of the office volunteers looked at me and said 'you just need to ride her with confidence and she would have been fine'.  Given that I'm still remembering that off hand comment shows how much it rankled. 

more on this photo in a sec

The problem is that that statement is very true and terribly false. I think we can fall into the myth of if the horse really loved me they would be fine all the time.   Which is as silly as saying 'if my husband really loved me he would never be annoying or cranky etc.  . You can't be around horses for long and not realise that your own energy and intention has an impact. The horse also has their own feelings and instincts.  

Recently, a lot of blogs I follow have been sharing stories about successes and failures. We all worry that we're not helping our horses. Maybe we're going too slow. Or too fast. Or overfacing them. Or not asking enough.  

Or, or, or.  We can get lost in the ors.  

There is zero question that this year saw me have a huge boost of confidence with Carmen and, in all honesty, a drop in confidence with Quaid.  And how can that be if I'm me? I think it has to do with my own self-confidence and their feelings, which include trust in me. 

Confidence can come from a belief that it will all go fine because it always goes fine or from having skills and knowledge. 

My confidence with Carmen is strong because I've worked really hard to improve my understanding and my skill set. 99% of the time I have the answer to her questions. Jane tells me that my aids are getting clearer and my seat is improving, all of which directly impacts my confidence.  I have the physical fitness sand riding skills which translates into me feeling comfortable. The other day I was riding and she gave a big spook. And my seat never moved, nor did my hands. And we just carried on. It wasn't that long ago where I would have been unbalanced. I would have recovered and carried on but this time no recovery was needed so it literally looked like a leap sideways and then forward.    

Carmen has a ton more trust in me these days. See that photo above? I've owned Carmen (or bene her servant) since February 2015. In all that time she has refused to come near the electric fence. Irish and Quaid come right up to it when I'm walking because I often have treats in my pocket. Carmen would look but never come within 10 feet. I stopped trying to entice her years ago. This summer she started coming up to the fence for her treat (see photo above).  Or a pat on the nose. If something goes wrong she comes to me to fix it.  Like a few weeks ago when a loose pony came to visit. When Carmen saw me she came running up to me 'you have to fix this! She shouldn't be here!' Meanwhile Quaid was all 'hai new friend!' and sad when we caught her and returned her. 

screen grab from my lesson to break up the wall of text

I think that an attitude of 'it will all be fine' can get us so far. But at some point, if. we don't have the knowledge or skills to back it up, things will fall apart. It's only skin deep. With Quaid everything went so well at first I didn't realise that they could go bad. So when they did I was not prepared with how to deal. Since then I've taken. step back and worked on rebuilding. And it's going well. How well? Not sure yet. But he's feeling better so I'm planning to  start  working him lightly this week.  

He's feeling bored

For me,  riding is a balance of relationship and skill set. Sometimes we need to focus on one more than the other.  I really need both to enjoy my horses to the fullest. I know that not everyone is this way and I am not judging them at all. 

 Lack of confidence is not a failure. It's information.  Rather than pretending it's all fine (something I've been really good at!), we should stop and think about the why. What is going wrong? Or what do we fear is going to happen? And what do we need to feel better about it? Sometimes just seeing someone else succeed on your horse when you're struggling is enough to feel confident that we can do it. Other times we need to take a step back. Or do something challenging. There is no growth without discomfort.