dancing horses

dancing horses

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Rambling Thoughts

Sorry guys this is a rambling post, feel free to disregard. 

In light of my recent struggles with Carmen and some observations at dinner time I began to wonder if her teeth were bothering her. At 7 years she is at an age where her teeth change a lot. I called and left a message for my vet to book an appointment. It's always tricky with sensitive horses to know when it's 'just' behaviour and when it might have  a physical cause. 

I cannot believe that it's been 3 years

With the lesson's learned from last year I realized that would need to have a plan around today. So when I was given today as a date for a medical test I decided to accept it. My father passed away from colon cancer so every so many years I have to go through a colonoscopy. I don't mind the test as much as the prep (I HATE to be hungry). Then my vet returned my call and said he could come on Thursday around lunch time. By then I figured that the universe was arranging my day and I should go with it.

On Wednesday in the morning I dropped Guinness off at the vet's for her neutering and then Ed and I went and picked out our Christmas tree.  It was pouring rain the whole day and we wanted the tree to dry before we put it up.

sad, drugged puppy showing me how his ears don't fit in the fiendish contraption
Ed rearranged his whole week so he could be close by me yesterday and today. He never did anything overt or obvious but he was there. 

The test this morning went fine but after I had a reaction- I suddenly found myself feeling really nauseous and dizzy. The nurse came right over. My blood pressure dropped and they couldn't find a second number no matter how often they took it- it just showed as a '??'. My heart rate was 38. My normal blood pressure and heart rate is low but that was a bit much. After an I.V. I began to feel a lot better. I texted Ed to come and pick me up and to bring food. He asked what I wanted and I couldn't really think of anything so I asked for a cinnamon bun and fries-  I might not have been totally recovered by then. 

When the vet came I described some of the things I had noticed. I felt a bit like an idiot because it really was just a hunch.  But when he looked in he found points and a really nasty one on the very back molar. He said that it would be painful. So I'm wondering if that has been playing a role in her reactivity. We shall see. After he left I had a nap and then began to decorate the tree. 

Ed commented that I was doing very well today. And he is right. I felt far more in control of myself then last year. Obviously time helps one to heal. Another factor is a dream I had a few days ago. I often have lucid dreams and this one was particularly strong.

I was walking in the woods and met with Steele. I hopped onto him and rode him for a while through the woods. I do not know how long. After a a bit I dismounted and gave him a hug. He walked off into the forest and I woke up, feeling sad and comforted all at the same time. 

I find myself in a place where I can remember and feel both sad and happy at the same time. Maybe I'm growing up. Maybe. 




SaveSaveSaveSave

34 comments:

  1. I had a reaction like like that a few months ago during a biopsy. Scary as hell. Hope the painful tooth was the culprit. Three yeasts with Carmen. Wow. That went fast — and you’ve come so far.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was very unsettling! I can't believe how time flies. Carmen will be with me three years in Feb/March. I also think that we have come a long way.

      Delete
  2. I think it is so beautiful he visited you in your dream. It is so very painful to lose a friend and I am sure you will mourn him for many more years. He was a very beautiful soul and I am glad you found Carmen to help you heal. She may not seem like she'd be the perfect fit, but here you are, putting the puzzle pieces together one at a time. And I deeply respect that

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. In many ways Carmen is a perfect fit for me. She pulls me out of myself and I pull her out of herself so it all works in the end.

      Delete
  3. Way to trust your intuition with Carmen - I hope you notice a difference in her, even as sometimes it takes a little time for them to realize it won't hurt. And that dream with Steele... Sounds haunting but reassuring.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad that I called the vet out to check.

      Delete
  4. You are a true testament to hard times making us stronger. Good call on floating.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Two weeks ago we laid our boys to rest, over the years their favorite place was up on top of the hill, they had carved out little apartments for themselves, my hope is one night I have a dream I go there and ride Tye one more time. You have come along way with Carmen, always remember to enjoy every step.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so sorry for your losses. It must be hard to lose two. Tye was such a special and wonderful horse.

      Delete
  6. Your dream of Steele is heartbreaking and lovely. Sometimes I don't know if time ever really does heal us, but we just learn to live without them and hang onto the good memories. Hugs to you. <3 (And good call on checking Carmen's teeth! Good horse mama!! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know that time 'heals' in the sense of getting over a major loss but it does help up learn to carry it.

      Delete
  7. A lovely dream. I was nauseated and dizzy after my procedure too, and feeling frustrated that everyone represents it as being quick, easy and painless. That's odd that they couldn't get a BP number. The universe always plans my days, so I've given up on making any plans of my own. If you can normally plan out your days, you're in a good space.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Last time it was quite simple and easy. I'm wondering if it was the fentanyl. I was far more 'out of it' during this one.

      Delete
  8. We know our horses. Hunches are real. <3<3<3 I too have very vivid dreams. I had a dream similar to that one about my childhood mare a couple days after she passed. Love and prayers your way!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree that hunches are often real and then i second guess myself. Thank you for the love and prayers

      Delete
  9. The end of this post left me in tears...

    ReplyDelete
  10. What a beautiful dream.
    I've always had very vivid dreams that I most often remember - when I was a child I told my Mother that I always knew what was going to happen to me in the day to come because God told me in my dreams the night before.
    At the time, I thought everyone got those messages from God in the same way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I bet you freaked your mom out quite a bit with that.

      Delete
  11. Three years, and she’s still so young. The prime of her life. Getting the teeth done can never hurt.

    I’m glad you had a visit from Steele. That is very special. ❤️

    ReplyDelete
  12. You and Carmen have come a long way in three years! What a sweet dream about Steele. I’m sure he’s still with you and walking beside you and watching over you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Steele is in your heart forever. Such a sweet dream, I teared up too. I hope Carmen will feel better.

    ReplyDelete
  14. That Winnie the Pooh quote is so perfect <3

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow that was quite the scare during your procedure. I hope you are feeling better now.

    I've had a similar dream with one of my dogs. Haven't dreamed about her since. It's a nice dream, in a sad way.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for leaving a comment. I love the feedback.