Marking the Days

 February continues to be its not-so-charming self. I wonder how many times on this blog I've written "I hate February"? Maybe it could be a drinking game. Lord knows it might help. 

Not the only blogger to share this. 

The last time I rode was New Years eve. It's the longest riding 'draught' I've had due to winter. This year we never got the January thaw that gives the glimmer of hope.  This past week we've had two storms that included significant freezing rain. The last one has Quaid's door locked in ice. So I've been taking him in and out through Carmen's stall.  At least there's enough snow that the paddock is not ice and both are being very sensible. 

On the plus side we could skate or have a curling 
match on my riding ring. 

Between the weather and the news, it's hard to stay positive.  

suddenly we're the enemy. honestly, it's 
a little heartbreaking.

But it's not all doom and gloom.  Cordelia had her first birthday this month. 

she's growing into a beautiful girl 

Cordelia is sweet and smart and loves to just be where the people are.  I can let her be free around the farm and on our walks and she stays close. 

She's the nosiest dog I've ever known. Like whatever you're doing she's got to be right in there.  Ed has been renovating our bathroom. We took out a tub surround and are putting in a soaker tub (yay! I can't wait).  He also raised the floor to be even with the rest and put down flooring. It's going to be great. When he would start a power tool Cordelia wanted to be right there to see what he was doing. 

Just a sec, I need to check this out.

no work, only play

Soon we'll be heading south for our vacation. I'm looking forward to seeing family and hoping that it's just politicians that dislike Canadians. Either way, it might be our last trip to the U.S. for a while. Until the politicians can sort themselves out. I'm looking forward to the warmth. 

Mostly though, I'm counting off the days until things start to thaw and I can start riding again. I've been keeping up with my fitness goals. I'm getting stronger and able to increase the free weights. I can hold a plank for 2 minutes. I'm hoping to get to 3 but we'll see. It also turns out I'm really enjoying the karate class. The instructor has been teaching us the beginner katas (sequences of movements, in case you didn't know. It's all new to me).  Last week he said "don't get in your head and think too much. Just flow with it and it will be easier". Sound familiar? Turns out, once I did that it felt a lot easier. He also apologised for all the repetition of the katas and movements. Me, this is my jam. I'm well used to repeating movements with the aim of improving and learning.  So while I can't ride, I still feel like I'm working towards positive changes in my riding. 

What about you? Are you counting the days until spring (and mud)?  Has winter been bad for you this year or relatively mild? 

Polar Vortex: A Dramatic Short Story

 I make my way across the frozen tundra clutching the chicken waterer to my chest. The hot water feels good on my hands as the air forms ice crystals on the bits of hair sticking out from my toque. 

I wrestle open the frozen lock to the run, carefully placing the waterer down (careful, don't spill it). Along with the feed I sprinkle sunflower seeds in the run to help keep them fed and warm.  I slide open the door to the coop and listen to grumbles inside 'who let the draft in?! Doesn't she know what time it is?'

Turning I make my way across the expanse towards the barn. The air feels like it's peeling the skin off my face. Maybe it is. I slide open the door and turn on the lights. I am greeted by two faces peering at me over the stall doors. 

Good morning! I say, trying for a cheery warmth that I am not really feeling. 

Carmen pins her ears. you're late. She stamps her hoof impatiently. 

Quaid looks at me out of mournful brown eyes. yeah, we almost died. 

Muttering I give them their feed and hay. I check on their water. I then turn out the lights and head back towards the house. As I pass the chickens are grumbling. 

This water is almost frozen. It's definitely cold. 

It's like she doesn't even care. 

Henry: don't worry my lovelies. Look I have found these lovely sunflower seeds just for you. 

Handsome Henry, our HERO!  they chant. 

I enter the house, peel off my layers and wrap my frozen fingers around a warm cup of coffee. 

Cordelia nudges me with her nose. Don't worry I love you. 

And you will feel much warmer when we're out on our walk later.....

Midwinter Quiet

 The ground is frozen and riding is off the table. I used to hate this time frame. It seemed like it was dark when I headed to work and dark coming home. Now that my time is my own it seems easier.   The horses are definitely enjoying the break. 

OMG Carmen living her best life means she's filthy

I've been taking time to bring them in and groom. It's nice to just spend the time with the goal of brushing without the aim of tacking up.  If I take Carmen first Quaid stays out in the field. But when I'm done he's waiting for his turn with the cutest face. I used some Christmas money to purchase a new bridle for him and it fits nicely.  The brow band is a bit blingy so I might use it for shows. 

I've been going to the gym regularly. My goal is to go five days a week doing a mix of cardio, core and strength. Karate so far is a lot of fun. When riding re-starts it will go down but it's good to keep me Right now I've not been able to go because I've come down with a cold. It's irritating the heck out of me and I'm trying to not be whiny.  

When I looked at my tack room with the aim of organising it was a bit overwhelming (so much stuff in one small room!)  so I decided to break it into chunks. I tackled this plastic 3 drawer storage unit. It turns out that I have far more gloves than I realised. Also a whole bunch of singles, but just the left hand (like why?). I was strong and threw those out. Also a variety of bits (anyone want a bit?), every single saddle fitting tracing since the dawn of time, ear bonnets I never wear and other useless bits and bobs that I threw in there thinking that they might come in handy. Spoiler alert- they never come in handy. 

is it wrong that I feel I need some white ones in here? 

In the end the cabinet ended  up being almost empty.  Next up, random pieces of tack stuffed in a rubbermaid tote......

I've been doing a lot of reading which is great. My library app tracks my reading history. In 2022 I read 77 books, 2023 & 2024 I read 137 and 132. So far in 2025 I've read 7 (sitting on the couch hacking up a lung helps).  Two recommendations: When Women were Dragons by Kelly Barnhall and Mrs. Quinn's Rise to Fame by Olivia Ford. Both are touching and well written. 

Lastly, Ed and I have been planning a vacation to Arizona in early March. I'm excited for the warmth and a chance to revisit Sedona. 

Time flies so it will be riding time again soon enough. In the meantime I can choose to chafe against the restrictions or I can use the time to explore other things and take the time to enjoy the quiet. Not sure how I'll do but I'll try. 

Quaid- taking it easy is a good thing

New Year/New Plans: 2025 Goals

 After the few warm days, winter reasserted herself and the weather is back to being cold. I know lots of people love winter. I am not one of those people but I make the most of it. 

With riding being out of the question it seems like a good time to think about my horse goals for this year.  

Carmen:

1.  Maintain an even rhythm in all three gaits. And when we lose it, get it back within a stride or two. This will take a lot of focus and awareness on my part. I've gotten so used to her that I don't always notice when she shifts. 

2. improve our ability to adjust the length of stride within the gait while maintaining the rhythm. 

3. keep her attention on me and don't accept her giving me half-assed responses

4. Improve our turn on the haunches. She tends to step wide with her hind leg and my ability to feel this needs to improve. 

Cordelia doesn't mind the cold

Quaid

1.  have a more consistent canter, including the transition

2. decrease his separation anxiety when we're away and I take Carmen away. 

3.  improve his acceptance of contact. 

4. Be ready to show him at Training Level this year. 

Me: 

1. Use self-assessment instead of judgements to improve my riding/horsemanship. Emma referred to this in her last post and it really intrigued me so I looked into it. The basic concept is that assessment lets us look at things objectively while judging is labelling yourself based on a standard. An example would be, Carmen is a spooky horse, vs Carmen has difficulty focusing when not given direction.  

2. continue to improve my fitness level. I am enjoying the process and I can see a definite and positive impact on my riding. I actually signed up for a karate class so we'll see how that goes. 

3. Be consistent in taking lessons and riding. Not that I'm bad at this but I do waffle a lot about clinics. I'd like to take a couple dressage clinics. I'd also like to find some horsemanship/ Working Equitation or Obstacle clinics. 

4. Figure out how to show 2 horses and not be kill myself. I think this will come down to fitness and organisation. Possibly bribing others to help. Maybe with cupcakes. 

5.  Do some fun activities involving horses and horse people. 

6. organise my tack room. It needs a good clean out and re-organization. I keep procrastinating on this but there's really no excuse for it with the winter weather. 

These seem like good goals to start.  I'm rather excited for 2025. 

2025 here we come! 

 

2024 Over and Out

 Happy New Year everyone. I hope that you had a wonderful holiday filled with friends, family and food. I sure did. Like so much food. But I have zero regrets because sometimes you just have to enjoy the moment and not ponder how many calories are in a peanut butter ball and how many you've had that day. 

We actually had a white Christmas! 

I made hot chocolate cookies. They were delicious

We had two snow storms right before Christmas which delayed my daughter and her partner from coming until Christmas morning. It's been rare that we've had snow for Christmas. It was pretty but that and the bitter cold kept me from my usual Christmas morning ride. That was okay, we had a great time anyway. 

actually had to break out the snow shoes

I really enjoy the time we spend with family just low key hanging out and enjoying each other. There were board games and tv shows and food. When I was a kid I was excited about the presents. Now it's all about the time together. And none of the magic is gone. 

Cordelia: I don't know what's going on but I like it! 

I *might* have made too much food....

A few days after Christmas the weather started to improve. The snow stayed soft and fluffy and Julia was able to come on Sunday for one more ride before she leaves (I mean there's a chance she may come again but I doubt it).  The last time I rode either horse was December 16th.  Carmen was a bit spicy. I did a lot of ground work with Quaid but he kept wanting to canter in the snow and I didn't want him to strain something. So after a bit to settle him I got on. He was low key pissed that I wouldn't let him roll. Then got a little attitude about steering and just walking. 

Quaid: Imma gonna trot

Me: no, not yet. You have never carried anyone in snow before, let's not get hurt. 

Quaid: but this is so booooring

In the end we did a little trot but mostly walking. 

Julia and Carmen 

The footing was quite good really. In the end no one died and it was all good. 

The next day the weather was even warmer but it was too slushy to ride and the day was foggy and drizzly. We had rain last night and this morning the snow was gone. I figured that the ring would be a soggy mess but it was in great shape.  I did a quick drag and then tacked up Carmen. My friend, Paula came for a visit while I was riding. 

Carmen gave a couple small spooks but nothing major. Then when I was trotting her down the long side she gave a big spook and took off. Okayyyy I said and settled into the canter. After a couple circles she doubled down and gave an even bigger spook and tried to take off and shake me off.  She tried to pull the reins out of my hands and, when that didn't work, tried to get her tongue over the bit and when that didn't work gave a couple bucks. I laughed and rebalanced put my leg on to urge her forward. We settled into a 20m circle and after a bit I could feel her tire. So I brought her back to trot and returned to the original exercise of trotting down the long side. Funnily enough the super scary monster was gone. Go figure. 

But other than that it was a good ride.  Paula brought a double bridle she had for sale to try on her and we think it's going to work. I'll have Jane take a look and, if it's good, I'll buy it. Not that we're ready for a double but I've been keeping my eyes peeled for a good used one and this one is lovely leather. 

are you not done torturing me? 

After, Paula and I had a coffee and caught up and then we went for lunch. It was delicious. I had fish and chips because, well, why not? We came back and Paula encouraged me to ride Quaid to. So I changed and got him ready. As I expected, he was a very different horse. Still forward and a little irritated that I try to regulate his pace but we had a lovely little schooling session.  

look at my ring compared to 2 days ago! 

Ed and I barbecued steak for supper and I'm not sitting her in my PJs typing this post. I will not see midnight (unless I get up to pee!) but that's okay. It was a great day to end what was, overall, a good year. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

Living the Dream

 

Last night we had our first winter snowstorm. As always the day before was spent prepping and making sure everything was organised. I stuffed hay nets in case they had to stay in today, dug out flashlights and filled buckets with water in case we lost power. 

I can lug water from the house but I don't like to

Ed made sure that the tractor was gassed up and ready for plowing. The horses' stalls have sliding doors which open to the paddock and sometimes the wind will blow snow in under them and into the stall. I have some draft snakes that I fastened together and then covered with plastic that I stuff under the doors to keep that from happening.  We didn't lose power which is great but I prefer to make sure that I'm prepared rather than having to scramble.  

In the morning I fed the horses and then, after fortifying myself with coffee headed out to dig out the doors.  It was still snowing/sleeting so I put on some medium weight blankets, dug out the hay box and let them out. I then dug out all the doors, freed the chickens and made sure that I could get the doors open on the hay shed. 

I am sure that they are grateful, ha! 

Cordelia was born in February but if she saw snow before I'm sure she does not remember. She had fun while I was working and then I dug out the snowshoes and took her for a walk. She had a blast. 

Cordelia: this is fun! 

There's this saying 'your dreams won't work unless you do'. Nothing brings that home more clearly than winter. 

Kintsugi

 Saturday marked 10 years since I lost Steele. It seems amazing how quickly time passed. I usually spend the day quietly and do not make big plans. In the past I would often have nightmares about that day leading up to it. But the past couple years this did not happen. 

he's the reason I even started this blog

This year I reflected on how much I have changed that can be traced directly back to that one awful day.  I learned to deal with my anxiety, mostly by starting to acknowledge that I even had anxiety. I spent a lot of time pushing those difficult emotions into a box and locking it. Now I have much more awareness of it and what triggers it. I still have difficulty leaving the farm for the day with the horses alone but I can do it. I try to give others (and myself)  more grace and kindness. I don't always manage to, because, hey, human, but I try. 

Before I had a lot of self-confidence and was sure about things. But it wasn't built on a firm foundation.  I've spent the past few years rebuilding.  Carmen was a huge part of that as well. She showed me all my flaws as a rider and a horse person. 

not interested making friends at all

It would have been so easy to give up and I almost did. But for whatever reason, I refused to give up and I kept trying. It was definitely a 2 steps forward, 1 back, 3 forward, 4 back kind of deal.  Now she is my heart. We have a really good connection now and it shows up in all sorts of ways.  Knowing what I know now it probably would have gone smoother but there's no point in regretting that I didn't know what I needed to know to help her without having her show me that I didn't know (hopefully that made sense). 

Not that it was all me. In fact, it would be impossible without all the people who helped me. I am where I am because of their kindness and willingness to share their knowledge.  

Quaid has been a huge part of my healing. Like Steele he has an 'old' soul. He's smart and kind, even when he's being a bit of brat. I think it's time for him to have his own page.  

On Saturday I let the horses out and I was cleaning their stalls. They have transitioned to hay outside now that the grass is dying.  I was quietly picking out the stalls and then Quaid quietly walked in. I tried to work around him but he was quite insistent that I give him scratches. Not in a pushy way, he just kept standing by me. 

Hai, I need scritches. It will 
make you feel better

It was lovely to stand in the stall just being with him. I heard a nicker and I looked out and there was Carmen standing right outside the door. I don't know what she wanted, but I will say that she nickers at me a lot these days. 

No one gets through life without failure, loss, heartache or trauma. It can be painful and horrible and feel hopeless.  Rebuilding from these events are what make us who we are. They give us depth and beauty and strength.